Trying to help Ed get a job. Here is his resume I created
Edward Lenca
| Objective | Seeking cement finisher position with supervisory status. |
| Experience | 2007–Now
Custom Crown & Bridge. Management and Sales. Marketing to new dentists, developing lasting relationships with clients, supervise production and organization. Owner: M. Hallgren 720-301-0377 |
| Have worked for:
Foreman at Western Summit Constructors, Littleton/Englewood Superintendent Larry McKinny 303-210-1657. Man concrete crews. Supervised flatwork & Patchwork. Power trowel work on flatwork. Mechanical Crew: Assembled and installed clarifier tank equipment. Drive & Remove sheet piling. Experience Rigging – working with cranes. Foreman: Mango Comprean 303-710-9705 OSHA trained – Rough Terrain Telescope Forklifts, JLG Telescope man lifts, Fall protection, Scaffold Erection CPR. Denver Commercial Builders 6.5 yrs. Shawn Duncan- Head of Operations 303-287-5525 Supervised and set standards/quality control. Architectural wall repair. Fabricate handrail, weld/repair broken equip, truck beds/racks ect. Ex Marine, communications company division, sergeant status upon dispatch. Proficient in MIG Welding. |
|
| Objective | Seeking shop welding beginning or internship position |
Ed’s house was a mess and since I had already learned to do some carpentry, plumbing, and electric, I went to work on his property. These are pictures of his house and yard before and after.
I asked my realtor friend Maureen do an evaluation of it for us before much was done.
Emails for 2009
With a little recap from the end of last year
Monday, December 29, 2008, 5:42 AM Hi Lynne,
This is disturbing about where the money is. http://www.brasschecktv.com/page/512.html
We grouted the shower stall tonight…just finished. We won’t be looking for a new place until this one is all done and then I wonder if Ed would ever be able to move all the stuff he has although his dream is to move. I don’t really care as I will like this place as we fix it up.
I think Rio has been poisoned by her mother’s attitude. Emotionology is still my for most important project even though I am not doing much with it right now in a business sense. Things are brewing in my head. We have bigger fish to fry as the above url is part. I think there is such corruption going on. Ed figured his way out of the thinking bind I put him in about cigarettes. It was interesting how he gradually undid it. He is so funny and we still laugh a lot. He is very smart so it is fun to play with him.
I think it has something to do with sending mixed messages to guys. This was a problem with Jim and must be a problem with the earlier guy, Patrick, who I lived with for several years. What isn’t so clear is what I’m doing that gives a mixed message–maybe it has to do with feeling I need to be “nice”.
I have some ideas about this but would want to do it with you in person. Perhaps we could talk about it sometime or you might have some weekend free. Maybe Ed could invite a friend so he doesn’t hang around and we can talk. Love Mary
Mon, Dec 29, 2008 at 11:58 AM Hi Mary,
No doubt that there is some corruption going on at all levels of government in various places in the country, but I’m not convinced it is as bad as in Italy, for example. Thanks to Bush, the US is trillions of dollars in debt because of this never-ending war. Even though the US is not really a socialist country, there are lots of social service programs that get funded–e.g., my nephew receives funding at the county, state, and federal level while my niece receives it from the county and federal level. These funds must come from somewhere– including our direct taxes and indirectly through other “tax” sources. Then there are the schools, public hospitals, police/fire fighters/libraries etc, to name just a few of the organizations that are publically funded. I would certainly agree that wealth is not equitably distributed in this country–but then it never has been. I would agree that certain factions of government at any level have their own agendas that are not necessarily for the highest good of all. Considering that many people in the US are driven by greed and fear, the fact that some of these end up in government is not surprising. That the media prints what will sell papers and what it in line with its owners rather than what is actually happening is well known. How to find out what is really going is not so easy–I’m pretty skeptical of adamant conspiracy theory types–they don’t present any more credible evidence than the others. What if there are few, incredibly powerful (mostly) men that strongly influence what is happening?
Is it better to play the game and try to get into the inner circle or do what can be done at a local level or what? Getting paralyzed with worry doesn’t seem to be very useful. Maybe it’s as you say, we’re all here to experience life not whatever that is.
I was hoping it wasn’t LeEtte who had so strongly influenced Rio. She has enough to deal with having her parents live so far apart from each other without also having to deal with their issues about each other.
What is next on the list for fixing up the house? When you say that Ed worked his way out of the thinking bind, what does that mean? That he doesn’t associate smoking with being weak or that he is going off smoking again? While I was driving my niece back from LA, there were lots of trucks on the road, several with signs saying that drivers were wanted. Has Ed ever considered driving a truck to bring some money in while he sorts out what he wants to do that would better make use of his abilities?
Thanks for your offer to work with me on the mixed messages problem. I’d like to fix this as it seems to be attracting guys that I don’t like into my life.
Did your ear ever clear up? Maybe I can help you zap it when we get together if you think it would help. Love, Lynne
Wed, Dec 31, 2008 at 10:44 AM Hi Mary,
Addictions > usually are a big conflict between short term need and long > term desires.
Do you think that those times when Ed wants a cigarette are triggered by something he is not fully aware of? Once the conflict gets resolved, is the person less susceptible to the triggers?
He wouldn’t like > himself if he saw himself as weak so it is an interesting > conflict. Ed doesn’t let himself stay in conflict he > always thinks his way out of conflict.
Seems like he is probably in conflict with himself about not working yet he hasn’t gone out busting his butt to find some kind of work. Maybe this is the point you make about alcohol use in your next email–maybe drinking is a way to distract himself from himself.
Hope the wind only blew and didn’t damage the umbrellas. It was really windy, here, too. This morning my sister had me look over a draft of her art teacher’s newsletter. The way she wrote reminded me of you. Both of you are very creative and visually oriented. I find it interesting that neither of you seem to look at how words are grouped on a page with the same kind of artistic eye that you would look at a painting. Although I don’t have the same ability to look at a painting that either of you do, the pattern of words on the page has almost as much impact as the words themselves do for me. Apart from a few grammatical errors, she had all the relevant information, but the spacing and type made it very difficult to read. I wonder what it is that seems to allow both of you to ignore how the words look but notice fine details in an image. Both of you tend to prefer communicating verbally so it makes sense to me that the writing isn’t as appealing to either of you. Yet this doesn’t account for what your brain is doing when it sees the overall pattern of words as an image vs an image of an object. Have you ever thought about this? Love, Lynne
January
Thu, Jan 1, 2009 at 4:37 PM Hi,
Glad to hear you’re taking it easy for a day. Seems like you’ve been working pretty hard.
He feels more…
> productive when he can see a finished product rather than > some intellectual result. Something we are still working on.
This is interesting. I think there are a lot of people like Ed–maybe most of the people who are kinesthetic learners. If he is wired to process things by manipulating physical objects, he may have a conflict with doing something like the insurance business. As we move more and more to a service economy, however, people who like doing hands on things, might need to get more creative in finding work for themselves. Too bad he can’t find a niche market like Mikki’s roommate and create well-crafted items that rich people are willing to buy for lots of $$.
I don’t know why I can say> something coherently but can’t seem to write it as > easily. Is it the same in my email? Are they just as > difficult to read?
I generally don’t read your emails critically–am much more willing to fill in blanks and guess at what you’re saying rather than ask myself if what you’ve written would make sense to others. Even though it isn’t real-time, email is closer to a conversation than a book would be. If I am really confused or want more details, I can just ask you. When someone is speaking, I think we fill in a lot, too, as well as ask questions. If we were to make a transcript of Dilt’s tapes, for example, they probably wouldn’t read very coherently. I think there was a study done where an actor got up and spoke very persuasively about something that was nonsense. Yet even well-educated people said he spoke well and were bored when they had to listen to an important and accurate, but read from a paper, presentation. I’m guessing that people find you a coherent speaker in part because you’re a dynamic speaker and because you shift your presentation in response to your audience.
In reading your response, I remembered reading something about how most people use a certain part of their brain to process people’s faces while they use another part to look at inanimate objects. Apparently autistic people don’t use different parts of their brain this way. They use the same part to process both faces and inanimate objects which is partly why they have a very difficult time interpreting facial expressions and even distinguishing people from background objects. I know that there are different parts of the brain used for language and vision. Maybe you and my sister’s art teacher use a different part of the brain when looking at a grouping of words than I do.
I asked my sister about you doing some work with my niece. She said she would be interested once my niece is more stable. Love, Lynne
Mon, Jan 5, 2009 at 5:44 PM Hi Mary,
Hope you were able to get up with that dentist who called on Friday. Seems like your lab work is continuing to grow after a slow start.
I wonder what kind of training could teach> me the other skills. Perhaps studding writing of people who > do it well would help.
Maybe. Is learning how to write well something what you actually want to do? Have you figured out what you want to do in the kitchen? If you’re going to finish your PhD, do you have a time limit? It’s too bad you can’t find a company that is really interested in your topic who would sponsor you to finish your study.
> What do you think of what is going on in Gaza?
I don’t see how continued fighting is solving anything.
> Spent the day looking online for interesting things. Found > this > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kjvXkoDCJ0&feature=channel
When I was with my niece in LA we went to the public observatory. It turned out to be more interesting than I expected. One of the programs we saw was along the lines of the above video.
The other afternoon I went and played music with some people–much better than a session with a mostly different groups of people several weeks ago. Went to contra Saturday. Confronted the guy who was trying to get so much info about me. I didn’t do it very gently and could tell he felt bad that I didn’t want to have anything to do with him outside of the dances. Wish I had better skills in this area. Maybe I should have told him that I would really appreciate his skills for tracking down details if I had to work with him. In a social context, however, I just find him obsessive and invasive, not to mention unattractive and with an annoying voice. There was another guy there who is interested in me, but I find kind of obnoxious. Luckily, he seemed to back off after he saw me having so much fun dancing with a couple of other guys (one is the procrastinator) who I like but just as friends (not that he has to know!).
I’ve been thinking more about the mixed messages problem. Part of me knows that we’re all somehow connected to a greater source so to reject someone is like rejecting part of our self. Also, to reject someone doesn’t seem very compassionate. Yet, I lack the social skills to be friendly when I don’t like someone and am repulsed by them. Also, guys often seem to get the idea that if you show them any kindness, they think you’re interested in them. It seems that there is a middle ground where I don’t have to be rudely impolite but don’t have to endure unwanted attention either.
The other day my sister, niece and I took my aunt to lunch at Village Inn. All of the waitresses were quite young—I don’t even know if any were 20. However, they were all skilled at interacting with the patrons. It was obvious that there were a lot of regulars and the girls chatted away with them with an ease that I’ve never developed. It’s times like these that I almost. believe my sister when she says I have some Asperger’s symptoms. love, Lynne
Wed, Jan 7, 2009 at 10:22 AM Hi Mary,
Too bad about Nikki breaking her foot. Hopefully whatever problem she was having with her daughter has resolved itself.
> Yes, I would like to know how to write well but have no > idea of how to develop those skills.
Books, classes, writers’ groups are all obvious but time consuming possibilities. Working with a good editor might be helpful.
> It is so nice to have a nice bathroom and it didn’t > cost that much. All we want to do in the kitchen is to tile > the floor. We also have the front porch to fix and we have > lots to do in the barn. Ed worked on that this weekend. Hopefully retiling the kitchen won’t turn into as big of a project as the bathroom did.
> It’s too bad you can’t find a company that is > > really interested > > in your topic who would sponsor you to finish your > study. > How would that work? I think the economy is not in a good > position for a solution like this. I have another 3 months > to think about finishing it.
In engineering and science, it’s really common for students to get their studies paid for by a company–both sides benefit. The company usually doesn’t pay as much as it would for a full employee, but gets the benefit of the research.
> Also,> to> reject someone doesn’t seem very > compassionate. > I disagree. To not be honest and, sometimes brutally > honest, is better than leading them on. We don’t have to > be responsible for other people’s learning experience. > If they put themselves in in a position that they must be > rejected, they will learn something from that and that is > their journey. If you soft peddle it they won’t get it. > You can waste a lot of time trying to be nice to someone > that is so dense they don’t get it. I think they assume > you are available because you are there and it takes some > bluntness to get the point across. Ed’s advice is to > just say “Get the fuck away from me!” He has a > man’s point of view.
I still think someone like the Dalai Lama who advocates practicing kindness would have handled this situation much better–or maybe he’s lucky because he has all sorts of gatekeepers that do the screening for him. > why does psychology make people with differences a > diagnosable problem?
> It seems they diagnose normal differences as mental > problems. I don’t think it is even safe for normal > people to see psychiatrists as almost anything can become a > diagnosis. Scary.
Yes it is.
Ed’s > nuttiness is compatible with me. We enjoy each other and > being together.
Sounds like things are going better with you and Ed. My apologies about being distracted during your call yesterday. I had both nieces and was trying to do things with them before and then prepare dinner. I think I need to do some work about participating in groups, especially in the context of a conference call, if I’m going to contribute much to your Emotionology project. I associate these kinds of activities with boring, unproductive meetings when I was at the university. I don’t mind a workshop where there is a definite objective, but a general get together doesn’t have any appeal for me. L.
Wed, Jan 7, 2009 at 7:38 PM Hi Mary,
problem she was having with her daughter has resolved > > itself.> Don’t know what you are talking about. Did I say > something about her daughter?
No, you only mentioned that she was moving her mother. A few months ago there was something you or she said about having her daughter home. It was too vague to tell if it was a general Nikki crisis or something specific.
I usually tell guys that I > am not attracted to that they may feel drawn to me but it > must be because they have something to learn from me. This > fits with my philosophy. I believe if I am attracted to > someone and it isn’t mutual than its for > That person must have something for me to learn from them > and it isn’t for romantic reasons.
Yes, thinking about these kinds of situations as learning makes them less angst ridden. Still, what bothers me is that I’d given this guy subtle hints that I wasn’t interested– e.g., not giving him any contact details apart from my email address and then not replying to any of his emails, but then I went really heavy handed instead of at least trying a polite “back off” it was more like a “BACK OFF!!!”. The guy is a nerdy engineering type that clearly didn’t pick up on subtle social clues. This seems a poor excuse on my part to figuratively hit him with a baseball bat though by the time I saw him, I was pretty stressed out about doing something rather than have him keep searching out more information about me, contacting me and wanting me to go out with him.
> OK, it brought up some baggage. LOL > The reason for the meeting is to connect people that > don’t know each other that were previously trained in > other parts of the country and set a time for other calls > for the purpose of redoing the workshops and developing more > skills in being an Emotionology coach. Is that enough of a > reason?
Yes, I realized you have a valid and useful reason for the conference call. I’m not questioning its purpose and am really glad that you’re starting to move ahead with Emotionology. I can feel part of me dragging my feet at the prospect of my (unspecified and no-obligation) role in this and I’m not sure why–apart from dreading meetings and groups in general—which is definitely my baggage. Also, as usual when I’m in CO, I always have the feeling like I have to be on call for family things that can come up at any time–e.g., the other day when I unexpectedly had to care for my younger niece 2 hours earlier than usual, which makes it almost impossible to commit to an activity at a certain time.
one for free > practice coaching sessions and demos for coaching practice.
This is appealing.
> How is your niece doing?
She’s pretty apathetic most of the time and very depressed otherwise. My sister and her husband aren’t comfortable leaving her by herself for very long which means I pick up the slack when they can’t be around–which is fine as long as I’m in family mode, but creates a conflict as indicated above, when I’m looking at other things.
There was just an interesting > program on about the human brain and OCD.
Did they talk about some new therapies that are supposedly fairly effective? They have something to do with getting the person to substitute more useful behaviors in place of repetitive behavior rather than trying to suppress that behavior. Made me think of Emotionology and installing more useful resources rather than trying to take something away. Love, L.
Tue, Jan 13, 2009 at 1:14 AM Spreading ideas important for Emotionology
http://www.wimp.com/marketingadvice/
Tue, Jan 13, 2009 at 1:00 PM Hi Mary,
You’re finding lots of interesting videos. Any ideas on how to grab people’s attention with Emotionology? I’m reading Candace Pert’s newish book “Everything you need to know to feel go(o)d”. She says that “emotions are the flow of information perceived to be essential for the survival of any particular state of consciousness being observed.” For both this and her previous book she had a woman (Nancy Marriott) help her write. I get the impression that she is good at giving presentations to a general audience and doing technical writing, but Nancy does much of the work of getting her ideas down for a lay audience. There are probably other Nancys out there, but maybe it would be worth finding this one as she is familiar with Pert’s work and might be useful to you in getting a book out.
I won’t be able to do the phone conference tomorrow evening. I had something already scheduled and didn’t realize it. I should be around the following Weds. L.
Tue, Jan 13, 2009 at 3:32 PM Hi Mary
> Any ideas on how to grab people’s attention > with Emotionology?
Something to think about. Right now, it is hard to think about this as I just got back from seeing a dentist whose work we lost. Evidently the crowns were too tight. I was having Joe do all the models and it was probably a bad plaster that didn’t expand enough. I am changing all that this next week and doing them myself. Everything is so critical for the fit. No one else said anything and I called one of the other dentists who didn’t have a problem. Dr Meyer never said anything, but I was doing all her models. It is frustrating that I have to do everything myself. We just get a new dentist to try us and loose an old one.
> I’m reading Candace Pert’s newish book > “Everything > you need to know to feel go(o)d”. She says that > “emotions are the flow of information perceived to be > essential for the survival of any particular state > of consciousness being observed.”
Very complicated way of saying… Information creates thoughts that create body chemistry that we experience as an emotion. Or do you have a different take on that?
For both this and > her previous book she had a woman (Nancy Marriott) > help her write.
I saw Perk present her other book. She wasn’t good at making presentations either. Think she does the research but someone else puts it down.
There are > probably other Nancys out there, but maybe it would be > worth finding this one as she is familiar with Pert’s > work > and might be useful to you in getting a book out.
Right now I don’t even care about writing a book. There is so much to read out there already that it would have to be pretty impressive to make a dent. I think the phone calls and doing something directly with people is more important. I trust the Universe to guide Emotionology wherever it needs to go. Just hope I can follow that guidance.
I won’t be able to do the phone conference tomorrow > evening.
Will miss you but only one coach needs to be there, and it can be used for you and Erin to practice working on stuff. I just have to remember to call in. Mary
Tue, Jan 13, 2009 at 4:15 PM
Too bad about losing that one dentist. I got the impression that you guaranteed your work so if something wasn’t right, you’d fix it, but it seems that the dentist didn’t realize that? Or is it that the dentist only gives you a single chance to get it?
> > “emotions are the flow of information perceived> to be> > essential for the survival of any particular state> > of consciousness being observed.”> Very complicated way of saying… Information creates> thoughts that creates body chemistry that we experience as> an emotion. Or, do you have a different take on that?
If what she says about emotions being peptides that bind to receptors on neurons at various places in our body, then we don’t even need thoughts to experience an emotion. But maybe I’ve misunderstood what point she’s making.
I think the phone calls> and doing something directly with people is more important. > I trust the Universe to guide Emotionology where ever it > needs to go. Just hope I can follow that guidance.
Yes, getting it out there seems best. A book could reach more people, but unless your name is out there somehow it isn’t likely that people would notice the book. If Pert isn’t that good of a presenter, I wonder why she gets asked to do so many lectures by so many different groups? Maybe it’s because she is a scientist and having her present somehow gives more credibility to whatever event is hosting her? Personally, I find it easier to work with small groups of people, locally, but I keep thinking there is a better way for you to reach more people and maybe the web is that way rather than trying to get in to the Omega Institute or Esolen (or whatever that place is
called in CA) for example to give some talks. L.
Tue, Jan 13, 2009 at 8:50 PM
The dentists just move on to another lab if anything goes wrong and it doesn’t matter if it is something they do, or you do. I checked with the other dentists this afternoon and one said that if the dentist leaves sharp corners on the prep, it will be tight or not go down. It is just part of the business.
> If what she says about emotions being peptides that bind > to receptors on neurons at various places in our body, > then we don’t even need thoughts to experience and > emotion.
Peptides are the body chemistry caused by thoughts etc. Pert is an academic person and scientist. Seems that takes her a long way and she has come up with some unique things.
but I keep thinking > there is a better way for you to reach more people and > maybe the web is that way
I really think it is going to come through the web and tv. I don’t feel any urgency anymore. It will be what it turns out to be or what it is supposed to be. My thoughts are changing on a lot of things right now and I have a feeling of anticipation that something is coming that I don’t have to control.
I think Ed is not at all interested in the health insurance business. He misses what he knows – welding and cement. We are going to have to do some thinking and discussing about this. I am making him some new cards for his home welding business. He doesn’t want to do the cement anymore but is chomping at the bit to do something he feels fulfilled with.
Getting together with Peggy from Europe and Charlotte Thursday night. Do you know them?
Wish you were closer to get together with more now. Love Mary
Wed, Jan 14, 2009 at 10:38 AM Hi Mary,
No I haven’t met either Peggy or Charlotte. Is Charlotte the one who recently lost her father?
I finished Pert’s book. It was a bit disappointing in that it was mostly an embellished memoir of her inner transformation and her battle to get a drug out to combat AIDS. There wasn’t really anything to hold on to–but I dislike overdone self-help books, too, so I’m not sure what I was expecting.
My thoughts > are changing on a lot of things right now and I have a > feeling of anticipation that something is coming that I > don’t have to control.
Sounds like a new twist in the adventure is coming up.
He doesn’t want to do the cement anymore but > is chomping at the bit to do something he feels fulfilled > with.
Maybe now that he is really clear on what he does want to focus on (the attention and intention aspect), hopefully something is coming up for him, too.
> Wish you were closer to get together with more now.
Yes. An hour+ drive one way to do something on a weekday evening doesn’t work very well. Email and even phone doesn’t make up for face-to-face contact. Love, Lynne
Mon, Jan 19, 2009 at 11:19 AM Hi Mary,
Hope you had a good time with Peggy and Charlotte.
Had my nephew during the weekend which always makes things kind of chaotic. Went dancing Friday night. Had the opportunity to practice being assertive when an obnoxious physicist who has been bugging me said I should ask him out. I told him that I wasn’t available and even kept a straight face when he said I would ask him out if I were available, wouldn’t I.
Did you see any of the pre inauguration celebration yesterday? Obama has a lot to deal with. Hopefully he’ll be able to carry through on some of his election promises. L.
Mon, Jan 26, 2009 at 1:31 PM Hi Mary,
Hope the weekend went well for you.
I’m going to my mom’s on Friday and want to get through Denver before rush hour. If you had time earlier that day, maybe we could get together. Maybe Nikki could join us?
Did you ever figure out who was listening in last Weds? It looks like Saturdays aren’t going to work out for me to call in. I’m going to be out of town (with my mom and younger sister) next week, so will miss next Weds, too. L.
Mon, Jan 26, 2009 at 1:35 PM What time Friday? No problem for me
Mon, Jan 26, 2009 at 2:41 PM Hi Mary,
I’d want to leave your place no later than 3, but could come as early as 11 or so. Whatever would suit between those times–and if it would work better to meet you someplace, that’s fine, too. I haven’t even tried to contact Nikki but if you happen to talk with her, that’s great. Looking forward to seeing you again after all this time. L.
Mon, Jan 26, 2009 at 6:28 PM To Nikki
Lynne is coming to town Friday from 12-3pm. Do you have time to get together?
Mon, Jan 26, 2009 at 6:27 PM
Why don’t we try to get together around noon. I could really use your help on some surgery on my ear too. I will email Nikki and see what happens. I think she is too busy with the family and has been out of town but will try. Looking forward to getting together. After doing my ear, we might go somewhere for lunch or coffee? Let’s see how it goes. Depend how much Ed hangs around. M
Tuesday, January 27, 2009, 1:27 AM
Why don’t we try to get together around noon. I could really use your help on some surgery on my ear too. I will email Nikki and see what happens. I think she is too busy with the family and has been out of town but will try. Looking forward to getting together. After doing my ear, we
might go somewhere for lunch or coffee? Let’s see how it goes. Depend how much Ed hangs around. Mary
Tuesday, January 27, 2009, 9:21 AM OK, I’ll aim for being at your place around noon.L
Tue, Jan 27, 2009 at 9:24 AM
Lynne, It can be earlier if you like. Call me when you get on the road.
Wed, Jan 28, 2009 at 8:51 PM Hi Mary,
Thanks for your input tonight. I really need to practice simply introducing the ideas of Emotionology to people rather than getting hung up on what’s annoying about them or what they need to fix. Whether or not Nikki shows up it will be fine. Hope your phone turns up. love, L.
Wed, Jan 28, 2009 at 9:19 PM
Looking forward to seeing you Friday. Don’t think Nikki can make it as her physical therapy is right in the middle of the time and I would rather spend the time with you alone. Are you up to up for zapping my ear? I appreciated you showing up for our conference call – it meant a lot to Nikki too. Wish we could have gotten to the other issue you were going to bring up. We have to get used to the medium. It trips me up knowing others could join our private conversation, but we would hear it if someone clicked in. Can’t wait to see you Friday. Love, Mary
Thu, Jan 29, 2009 at 9:21 AM Hi Mary,
Yes, I’m ready to zap your ear as long as you tell me how. I think Nikki and I are connected somehow but it doesn’t seem to translate into us actually getting together in person. Knowing that we can tell how many people are on the call and can then close it to additional people phoning in takes away that problem of unknown people listening in.
I’ve now seen a massage therapist and a physical therapist and they both say my shoulder problem has more to do with emotional stuff than an actual injury. They both have their intuitions as to what the emotional stuff is, but it hasn’t shifted for me. This is something I’d like to work on–maybe we can work some with it tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you after so long. love, Lynne.
Thu, Jan 29, 2009 at 11:40 AM We can certainly work on your shoulder. See you then.
Sat, Jan 31, 2009 at 9:28 AM Hi Mary,
Great to spend time with you yesterday. We’re off soon for NM and then on to AZ.
We’ll have to compare “holes” when I get back! Love, Lynne
Sat, Jan 31, 2009 at 11:34 AM
Thanks so much for doing that. You are a rare friend. Hope it was alright this Sat call that I shared a little of the shoulder experience with Erin. You had brought it up on Wed but we never got to it. I don’t think we finished working on the issue but usually if you start to unravel a problem it does it on it’s own. At least the trip might give you a chance to let it rest so it can heal.
We will have our Saturday calls the 1st and 3rd Saturdays of the month. One can be working on a technique or continuing education and the other can be for business or personal issues and ideas. What do you think? Appreciate you so much. Love Mary
February
Feb 1 2009, I finally finished Eds teeth. By then we were seriously involved and living together.
Our first trip to Upper Michigan to visit his brother and wife Liz, I had not colored his hair yet.
But Liz and I cut it there. We probably to 5 trips to Michigan in the following years.
This is his brother Steve one year younger than Ed. Great person. The folks are getting old
Ed and Steve fishing 1st Trip
After the haircut, Liz took a picture of us together
When we got home, I made his hair blond. He was getting real handsome after new teeth and hair change. We were really in love. Ed asked for an exclusive relationship after the trip to TX to see his younger brother Mike right after I fixed his teeth.
Fri, Feb 6, 2009 at 9:29 AM Hi Mary,
We’re in Sedona and will be heading back on Sunday. I like it better here than when we were in Phoenix. Hope all is well and that the place on your neck is finally healing.
I’m not sure how I feel about my shoulder being discussed– especially as I’m not sure what the point of your discussion was and there hasn’t been any change in my shoulder. I don’t feel all
that comfortable talking about things in my life with Erin, but at least there weren’t listening lurkers in the background, too.
Your plan for Saturday discussions sounds good–though as I mentioned earlier, Saturday mornings aren’t very good times for me. I’ll probably be heading back to Fort Collins on Monday or Tues at the latest. Maybe I could stop by or meet you someplace for an hour or whatever works for you on the way. Love, Lynne
Fri, Feb 6, 2009 at 11:53 AM HI Lynne,
We mostly just mentioned that you wanted to work on your arm last time but didn’t have time for it and we discussed the kind of techniques one would use for physical things. We didn’t finish the work with you, so I am not surprised and I am not sure the things we worked on had anything to do with your arm. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable – didn’t think I was violating anything since you had mentioned it with Erin and I as a group. Let’s talk some more about this when we are together or email me what your ideas and feelings are.
I would think you would enjoy Sedona although the last time I was there it seemed to be just another tourist trap with a lot of starving artists. We had fun on the mossy slippery waterfall slide there. Did you see that? It is along the roadside.
My ear is healing up great thanks to you. I accidently ripped off the bandage yesterday and some skin came with it so it went back to new healing. This time I didn’t put any superglue on it. I may have a scar there – looks pretty big. But at least I don’t have the infection. I keep putting alcohol on it.
Ed has gotten the chance for a new job which he hopes to get. I think this is the next part of the journey for him. He is having trouble staying away from cigarettes. We had a little drama over it last night. I think he has to learn that once he quits, he can’t risk taking even one. For the first time in a while, I entertained the idea of moving on and questioned where the relationship will end up. Hope he gets the job. It would be good to have more money coming in.
Got your check for the phone in the mail yesterday. Would love to meet you when you are traveling through again. Would depend on the lab work and what is going on here. Hope to sell a bird today and one Sunday. Love Mary
Fri, Feb 6, 2009 at 6:00 PM Hi Mary,
My sister is race walking a marathon here tomorrow. Apparently, it has become incredibly expensive here. We overheard a woman in one of the shops saying that most of the artists have moved away because they can’t afford to live here. Most of the unskilled workers probably don’t live here either–an acre goes for around a million $$. All the same, the landscape is incredible.
Yes, I know that I’m the one who brought up my shoulder problem with the group, but even then, I felt uncomfortable about being a demo client in front of the others. However, it’s fine with me to talk about appropriate techniques for physical matters. I didn’t think you probably talked with Erin about the specific things that came up for me when you and I were together.
Fingers crossed that the job comes through for Ed no matter what the long-term prospects are for the two of you being together. It seems you are learning things by being with him and when the adventure is over, you’ll know it. Will give you a call when I’m heading to FC. love, Lynne
Wednesday, February 11, 2009, 11:56 PM
Ya, I was just sending it to you incase you want to send it to someone. See you Friday. Really tired to day for some reason. Love Mary
Wednesday, February 11, 2009, 9:51 PM
Hope you can rest well tonight and have more energy tomorrow–no chance that you have an infection is there? Will give you a call when I’m headed your way on Friday. Love, L.
Thu, Feb 12, 2009 at 3:51 PM
Think I overdid it in the hot tub and pool. Feeling fine today. See you tomorrow.. M.
Sun, Feb 15, 2009 at 11:30 PM Re What A Shift……….!! Mary,
I feel like a ton of weight was lifted from my shoulders; I like the process it made sense. Rather than remove it the process was to file it with LOVE and take back myself I allowed to be removed. That’s like going to a doctor to practice guessing what’s wrong while he experiments on your body. I prefer your approach cause it gets the person to see the pattern he/she was buying into relinquishing one’s self control to be true to yourself without getting sucked in.
As i said, in the past I was much more in tune with those kind of feelings and somewhere down the line i surrendered to my own demise. It’s a fine line to please without becoming co dependent or the other person takes control thinking they know what’s best for Me.
U brought a lot of clarity much same as both my grandmother and aunt would demonstrate with LOVING examples. Sometimes i get taken over guard by those antics cause I’m not a controlling person but don’t like being pressured, as u stated obligation without respect doesn’t work for me. I appreciate the insight I was looking for to tell Susan i was sharing and these things R mine, NOT for her house along with the other reasons ( roommate and the fact we’re not together so these things need to be returned). Arrogant people i see right through but when ur close to a person it still doesn’t give anyone the right to walk over U to get their insecure way.
I’ll be in touch but i feel marvelous darling. Some folks prefer wallowing in the muk i look for ways to get back on track and find a person who gets it by living it without having to prove their authority which really means hiding FEAR. I like what u do cause its helping people to help themselves instead of being under the watchful eye of a know it all. As u can see cause my mind is spinning so fast i sometimes get ahead of myself, so thanks for keeping me on track.\
Be happy to clean ur car someday for being so generous of ur time and support. Namaste, Mikel a valued friend ( u so remind me of my incredibly cool Aunt Carol ). P.S. let me know when the next phone class come up !!
Tue, Feb 17, 2009 at 8:20 PM Glad that helped Mikel. I have something to show you. Are you at your place usually during the day? I will call you first. I put you on the reminder for Wednesday Emotionology call. Hope it works for you this time. Peace, Mary
Thu, Feb 19, 2009 at 3:39 PM
wow—sounds like that was quite a session for him. Hopefully it has shifted something for him.
Have you seen that one session is enough for a major, long-lasting shift or do people usually
need at least a few? Love, Lynne
Fri, Feb 20, 2009 at 9:13 AM
People usually need a few sessions unless it is a small matter and Mikel still needs more.
I am really concerned about our economy. We are a nation who’s economy was built on consumption/spending. We are out of money so everyone needs to find ways to create and not spend. The rest of the world wants us to spend because they depended on our buying from them. We spread our money to all the other countries, so they got used to that. The situation is similar to having dependent children that are used to a handout. When the handout is not there, they get angry. They think we should take care of them and will retaliate if we stop buying their products. I don’t think they will understand as the perception is that we all have lots of money here. The bottom line is that we can’t spend our way out of debt, and we need to buy America.
Niki wrote that she hasn’t been able to get to the phone on wed nights but is enjoying the conversations. We need to figure out how to focus the discussions on topics? It is great that you came up with some questions to focus on or we wouldn’t have anything to talk about. We need some people that are questioning what Emotionology is etc. It is a bad time for me with Ed. He definitely needs to get a job outside the house. He is a good welder but doesn’t get how to promote himself. He has much to learn, and I can’t be the only one to help him.
Hans came into town last night around Midnight and dropped off his bird Lucy. He is in the middle of moving and needs her to not be there while he does it. He has some work in town for 2 days. Can’t remember which event he is covering in Boulder and Denver. Good to see him though. Ed gets triggered by him as Hans doesn’t seem to acknowledge him and he thinks Hans doesn’t like him. Don’t think there is an issue here but watching it. How is your niece and what is going on at your house? Love Mary
Fri, Feb 20, 2009 at 10:09 AM Hi,
Maybe you can sneak in a bit more work with Mikel if you take up his offer to clean your car…
Thanks for the update on Niki. I was wondering what was going on for her. I was about to write her when I saw your email. I wonder if the time conflicts with her online gaming conversations?? Guess it doesn’t matter, but I do appreciate her input which we don’t get if she’s only listening later to the recordings. It seems like I have at least 2-3 questions a week about various aspects of emotionology, but didn’t want the others to feel I was hogging all the time with my questions so I try to hold back. However, I agree that the sessions go better if we have something to focus on rather than just yak on about anything. I noticed that you deftly redirected Paul the other evening as he was launching into one of his lengthy monologues.
I think Obama is smart, but I’m skeptical that spending trillions of dollars is somewhat like throwing good money after bad and future generations will have that immense debt over their head, paying for our greed and fear. There is a part of me that believes with all the financial chaos, there are probably some very good opportunities out there for people who have the right mind set. For the country as a whole, however, I’m not as hopeful. Americans have been taught to have an attitude that we’re RIGHT and we have all sorts of unquestionable RIGHTS which many seem to interpret as we all have a right to a handout without doing anything in return. I think people have a right to be treated with respect and compassion, but am less clear about able bodied, able minded people getting material goods/money in exchange for simply their belief that they deserve them.
Hope Hans is still enjoying his work. After the wed. talk, it is interesting to apply what you said to the interaction between Hans and Ed. It seems Ed is expecting a response from Hans to take a certain form. Without being in Han’s head, I don’t think we can say for sure he actually thinks about Ed the way Ed is interpreting Han’s actions. Say we were to agree that it is “a good thing” to treat others with respect. Wouldn’t we also have to agree on what we would interpret as respectful behaviors? I guess I’m thinking about that book that came about a while ago titled the Five Languages of Love. Have you heard of it? The author argues that we tend to feel loved primarily in one of 5 different ways–i.e., hearing words of endearment, physical touch, receiving gifts, being listened to, having someone do something for them (I think I’ve remembered these correctly). For example, I don’t really care about giving or receiving gifts, but really appreciate being listened to. It could be the case that Hans really doesn’t like Ed, but I’m guessing that in his work he has learned to at least be fairly polite and respectful of all kinds of people. I’m wondering if the two of them simply “speak” different languages. Also, we know that Ed is pretty derogatory towards homosexuals so maybe Hans is picking that up on some level. Too bad Ed wouldn’t be willing to work on this as it could clear up a lot. Sounds like that job for Ed didn’t come through after all. Maybe things are starting to come to a head for the two of you. After three years of sponging off of my younger sister, that woman almost immediately found a job once my sister asked her to move out. Although I’d like to earn some money, my mind goes blank when I ask what kind of work should I look for. I look at online classifieds and can’t even decide what area to focus on. Yet, I’d probably find something if I wasn’t able to live with my family. Does part of Ed’s difficulty have anything to do with motivation? (I’m thinking about what you said the other evening.) It seems he’s motivated to work hard when he has the job, but is it only that he lacks the skills to promote himself or is there more going on here?
My sister and niece are at the therapist’s this morning. I suggested that they ask the therapist about doing a technique she did with me a few years ago–it has some similarities to some Emo. techniques, involves installing skills/beliefs/etc. I think it could help move things along for my niece, but maybe the therapist doesn’t think my niece is stable enough for this. The psychiatrist really upped my niece’s meds last week, claiming the dose she was on wasn’t strong enough to prevent a manic episode. For several days afterwards she was dragging herself around like a zombie. Hopefully she’ll get a bit more energy.
I’ve mostly been reading lately–tried to do some exercises that the pt suggested and they made my shoulder a lot sorer so have backed off again. Will go play music tonight. Tomorrow night there is a dance. Love, Lynne
Feb 2009 Mary…
Here is the market analysis for 350 Harlan. The value today is probably land value only,
perhaps less, somewhere in the $70,000 range. Don’t hesitate to give me a call if you or Ed have any questions.
Maureen
Thu, February 19, 2009 10:26:50 AM Subject: Re: 350 Harlan
Thanks Maureen for your wonderful job. I left Michelle a message to see where she is with her house buying. She is living in a duplex at about 9th and Sheridan and the landlord has offered to sell it to her for 100,000. If this isn’t a good deal she should look into buying a different house somewhere else. If you have something comparable or better for her, I would like you to show it to her. She has good credit rating excluding the old student loan stuff which she would work out a deal with them if they would let her. But I have tried to negotiate for her several times and they don’t do anything reasonable. She has about 10,000 to put down and works full-time at a job she can prove. Mary
I wasn’t thinking too much about my involvement and I remember the first night I spent at his house with his two scary pit bulls sleeping on the floor next to the bed. I was afraid of them and afraid to get up in the night to leave. In the morning I saw all the guns he had all over the place and the unkempt nature of his house. He asked me to go on a trip with him to visit his brother in TX and always up for an adventure I agreed.
After cutting his hair and fixing his teeth, He was a much more confident person. I later changed his hair color – turned him blond after this first haircut. To me, this was a very sweet guy and he was funny on the trip. We laughed a lot. His brother’s wife and I hit it off well. When we returned for that first trip to visit his brother in TX, Ed asked if we could have an exclusive relationship. I reluctantly agreed as I was also dating and interested in 2 other men at the time but decided to give it a try. So I informed any other men in my life of my decision and made a real commitment to Ed.
Friday, February 27, 2009, 1:10 PM
Mary, I have a friend who saw you years ago for a trans-life regression session. I am interested in finding out if you still offer these sessions as I would love to have it done. I am from Montrose Colorado but could arrange to come see you!! I have heard so many great things about you and I cant wait to hear back from you! Thank you, Nicole
Fri, 27 Feb 2009 4:00 pm Subject: Regression
Hi Nicole,
Are you talking about past-life regression? I still do and do Emotionology coaching usually on the phone. We have an Emotionology discussion group you might like to join on Wednesday evenings via phone. Who was your friend that referred you to me? Cheers, Mary
Sat, February 28, 2009 10:29:30 AM Subject: Re: Regression
Hi Mary,
I cant help but laugh at myself for typing trans-life!! Yes I meant to put PAST-life! lol So, I’ve been having some crazy dreams and was talking to my close friend David Shawcroft, who told me I could be dreaming about my past lives, thus how we ended up talking about you. He said he was a total skeptic when he went to see you but afterwards said it was one of the most incredible experience he had ever had. I think making a trip to Denver would be well worth it as I trust David’s opinions about you and would not feel comfortable finding just anyone to go to. So with that being said, can you tell me a bit of what to expect if we go through with this, along with cost and the time length of the session. Thank you so much Mary. I am very excited as not only will I learn more about myself but I am looking forward to expanding my spiritual realm. Have a great day, Nicole
March
Wednesday, March 4, 2009, 3:25 AM Hi,
That is really interesting. How did they measure the light that people emitted? What is the name of the book? We have had so much fun here with Lucy (Hans’s bird). Ed will really miss her when Hans picks her up this weekend. Saw Charlotte tonight and it is great to see how well she has worked out her life and she seems to be happy. I got back and Ed was asleep so I am trying to keep kinda quiet while I write in bed. He is starting school on the 16th in welding to get his certificate. Will be good for him. He is having a growing experience. Didn’t matter wed. about working on yourself. Not quite sure yet what we really need to work on. Needs to be in person sometime without an audience. How is the shoulder? Love, Mary
Wed, Mar 4, 2009 at 2:24 PM Hi Mary,
I’ve just started Atlas Shrugged. Here is the author’s website of the book I was reading about living things emitting light: http://www.livingthefield.com/
Glad to hear you had a good time with Charlotte. I wonder if some of her transformation has come about from the death of her parent (an event that a friend of mine believes often precipitates such changes). Will it work out for you to rent some office space from her?
Maybe another big bird will be coming into your lives soon since Ed likes Lucy so much.
What does a welding certificate allow a person to do? Hopefully it will open some more doors for Ed. A while ago you mentioned in an email that you had some more ideas about his addiction to smoking. Did you work something out?
The woman I stayed with some in Australia last year is coming to the US for a class and will pass through here next week. I will pick her up at the airport on Monday at 6. If you have some time earlier that day, maybe we could get together.
I don’t know how to approach the work issue–though I can tell it really pushes my buttons. I know you’ve done some work with me on it, yet I haven’t shifted. At this stage, it seems like this huge, ungainly problem. I haven’t been able to figure out how to work on it by myself and even the career counselor I went to threw up her hands in despair and said to not come back until I knew what I wanted to do. It probably does have something to do with my beliefs. My only guess is that it has to do with something not directly related, but I haven’t been able to get at what that is, either. My shoulder isn’t as sore as it was, but still hasn’t regained mobility.
Good luck finishing up your taxes. I really need to get busy on mine. Love, Lynne
Sunday, March 8, 2009, 12:10 AM Hi Mary,
Hope the weekend is going well. I just got back from dancing–a good night.
Does it look like it will work for us to get together on Monday afternoon for a bit?
I can either stop by your place or meet you someplace. I need to be at the airport by 6.
If it doesn’t work, that’s fine, too.
I’m about 1/3 of the way through Atlas Shrugged. I find it very depressing and disturbing so far. I took a tiny break and read an easy/fast read called “Walking the Blues Away” by Tom Hartmann. Have you heard of him? Apparently he did a lot of NLP stuff under Bandler. He says that walking can be effective bilateral stimulation for PTSD–i.e., as effective as EMDR. He also gave a bit of a history of hypnosis–interesting. Love, Lynne
Sun, Mar 8, 2009 at 8:29 PM
Monday afternoon should work. Have a meeting in the morning. Sorry you are finding it depressing. I don’t remember it being that way… M
Mon, Mar 16, 2009 at 12:21 PM Hi Mary,
Hope things are going well. Did you figure out what is blocking you regarding giving out the life insurance?
I can’t make it this Weds. pm. My sister and her husband are away this week so I have both my nieces. I’ve been listening to some CDs about getting unstuck by a career counselor at Harvard. He has some interesting points, though I’m not sure I can really get at the problem by myself. Love, Lynne
Mon, Mar 16, 2009 at 1:33 PM
Ed is taking a class the next few days so if you have time in the AM phone me and maybe we can figure it out together. M
Wed, Mar 18, 2009 at 9:00 AM Hi Mary,
Good to talk with you yesterday. I brought my nieces down to my mother’s for a couple of days. (I need to get my aunt’s and my taxes done.) Hope Ed is learning something in his class.
Love, Lynne
Wed, Mar 18, 2009 at 9:29 PM Hi Lynne,
Good to talk to you too. Ed was pretty disappointed in his class at first since the first 2 classes are boring safety classes. He has a week off and goes back the next Monday. After 2 required classes they will get to something more interesting to him so he is OK with it now. He is working towards something. People need 1. someone to love, 2. Something to look forward to, and 3. Something to do. Now he has something to do so he is much happier. He had the other things but was frustrated about what to do.
I have 11 chickens and someone is supposed to be here tomorrow or saturday to buy 2 so hope she shows up. I am sure as Easter comes closer they will go. Chickens are so funny. You gotta see these. When are you taking the girls back home. Maybe you could stop by to show them the chickens.
Erin and I had a good session by ourselves in our Wednesday night phone conference. We didn’t record it as it was going to be personal. It turned out that it would have been good to record some of it – as usual. Anyway, until we can get others to turn in, it is a good time for us to do some work for ourselves. Hope you are having a good time at you moms with the nieces.
Love Mary
Wed, Mar 18, 2009 at 9:56 PM Hi,
Glad you had a good session with Erin. Good luck getting rid of all the unwanted chicks.
Maybe I keep bringing up the job thing because I don’t really feel I have managed any of the 3 things you’ve listed. Yes, I love my family, but I don’t think this is what you mean. And, nothing much to look forward to or do apart from the little activities I set for myself and be on call for family things.
We’ll be heading back to FC tomorrow. My niece had an interview today and was asked back for another tomorrow morning. Depending on when she gets finished, we might give you a call as we’re heading north. I’ve spent almost all day on taxes. Makes me just want to go be a vagabond. Love, Lynne
Thu, Mar 19, 2009 at 4:16 PM Hi Mary,
Glad it worked out that we could stop by. Thanks for talking a bit with Rachel and showing her some of what’s involved in making a crown. With all the meds that she is on, I’m not sure how in touch she is with herself, but there is room to at least plant a seed.
Love, Lynne
Thu, Mar 19, 2009 at 6:33 PM Hi Lynne,
I could tell how fragile she is. Planting seeds is all that can be done right now so they can sprout later when the time is right. I think she needs quite a bit of time to heal. Sorry the place is such a mess. I am in the middle of a lot of things.
The kid I was seeing spends all his time doing what he doesn’t want to do. Doesn’t know how to go towards what he wants because he has such a controlling mother that is always planting “shoulds”. He lives with his parents in Boulder in a really nice house. I was trying to explain to him that he should only do what HE wants to do as he is the only one that can know what is right for his own individual journey and that life is just about experience and each person has to choose the experience they want. I know he probably looked at me and wondered why I live like I live but I am living MY experience. It is the experience I am choosing for now. No one else has the right to judge it – only me. How does one get those ideas across? It is going to take some time. He is a very intelligent kid and it seems that sometimes, the more intelligent, the more complicated. What did your niece say about being here? I would rather have met her in my coaching attire.
Got quite a bit of lab work while my furnace is out of commission. That will make everything take more time. Ed is going to start building the chicken coop this weekend. We can’t put the chickens outside though until the weather is warmer. Looking forward to planting the yard. Love Mary
Fri, Mar 20, 2009 at 6:05 PM Hi Mary,
Hope you were able to sell some of the chicks today.
Any more networking events you can attend to see if the technique worked?
I need to go back to Castle Rock next weekend to finish up my taxes and thought I’d go to the dance on 35th&Federal next Friday on my way down. Do you want to go and use your free ticket (8pm)? If you have time earlier on Friday, I’d like to work on my shoulder. Who knows, maybe I can get more in touch with other things I want to do, too. Love, Lynne
Fri, Mar 20, 2009 at 8:35 PM
No, the girl (I think she was at a bar when she called) didn’t show up so I took Miki downtown for a date with Tom. She is coming over tomorrow to do her taxes and her insurance.
There are networking events to go to next week. I will try it out.
Dancing might be a good idea if my feet aren’t hurting. I have been putting super glue on the cracks on them. Going barefoot dry my feet out. Ask me again later in the week. Will miss you on the call Sat. Love Mary
This is our front yard revamped. I still need to make the fence and plant
Wed, Mar 25, 2009 at 11:29 AM Hi Mary,
Hope the week is going well. Have you gone to any networking events? I was wondering if a different image might be when you’ve gone to a bar or that church singles group lunch and can easily talk with people. What is different in those scenarios? That you’re simply going to have fun without any expectations?
How does your Friday afternoon look? The dance starts at 8. I’m going to be dropping my nephew in Longmont at 1pm. If you have time, I could come by afterward or later in the day.
Love, Lynne
Wed, Mar 25, 2009 at 1:19 PM
I put it on my list for Fri afternoon. Been swamped yesterday and today. Will write later. M
Thu, Mar 26, 2009 at 9:52 AM Hi Mary,
Sorry I was late last night. We have my nephew for a couple of days and things are chaotic. I really appreciated hearing you work with Erin. Even though I didn’t catch the first part of the session nor get what had happened to her as a child, it was obviously something that has influenced her interactions with others and I came away feeling more compassion for her.
Your comment that people like to be around someone with whom they feel good about themselves makes a lot of sense. You also mentioned that if you knew what you do now, you could have changed your first marriage into a really good relationship. Does this mean it doesn’t really matter who we are with, provided we’re willing to do a lot of work on ourselves, we can have a good relationship? When I think about the guy Jim in Australia, for example, I suppose I could make myself stay with him if we were in a culture that didn’t allow for divorce, but I wouldn’t willingly choose to return to him now. And the guy at the dances here who I told to leave me alone–I’m willing to endure a dance with him, but don’t want to spend any additional time with him. However, in both of these cases, I wish I could be more compassionate and bring out the good in them rather than trying to avoid them. Last week I danced with a guy with whom I’d never danced before and just the way he held me made me want to stomp on his foot.
So, why couldn’t I simply see something good in him and politely ask him to place his hand differently rather than make it obvious with my body language that I couldn’t stand dancing with him? See you tomorrow afternoon. Love, Lynne
Thu, Mar 26, 2009 at 10:57 AM Hi Lynne,
Erin started working on her present relationship where she had begun to feel “not enough” . Because he has some issues with needing to watch sex videos etc she didn’t feel like she was enough to sustain the relationship and was looking at herself negatively and was afraid that it would turn into a similar relationship like her first marriage. She needed to see the difference between this marriage and the past one. We only started working on it with the first piece.
I see several issues here. Her husband might have a sex addiction, unrealistic expectations about sex and unrealistic expectations for both of them. Many issues between the two are getting triggered. His present job is influencing it too. Erin was in overwhelm and it was creating a crisis in her relationship, Erin first worked on a part of herself that was in conflict that was also creating a problem – her higher self and her ego. You didn’t hear this part. This made a big difference for her being able to resolve issues. She was in overwhelm and we have a whole plate of stuff to work on but she choose to start with the sex issue and seemed comfortable for our intimate group to hear it.
Not every couple belongs together. Your intuition will let you know. We always pick people to learn from but some are a smaller learning journey than others and are more for the joy in our lives rather than just to learn from. To answer your questions here is my opinion on some of the questions you asked. What I say is my opinion don’t know if it is “truth”.
We usually get in a romantic relationship because we fall in love or are very attracted to that person. These are the people that we want to create a life with and issues come up that interfere with that journey.
I could have made my relationship with my first marriage work, with work and maturity because it had the potential for a life partnership. Other men I have met could not have been made into that kind of relationship. So, it does matter who you are with. Not everyone could be a life partner no matter how much work you do on yourself. You can’t make yourself stay with someone you don’t want to stay with. What happens if you work on yourself with the feelings they trigger, is that it makes you neutral and when feelings are neutralized you are able to see that your journey is NOT with that person and you leave in a kind way without negative feelings.
Sometimes we think we have someone we want to make a life journey with and we work on ourselves and then realize the journey has taken a turn us in a different direction. We have to live in the moment and be ready to move on if it feels right. I don’t think one can be in touch with one’s self enough to make these decisions unless one works on one’s self. I mean, without work the ego is in the way. You can only feel compassion for someone if the ego is set aside or educated.
Just because a relationship only works for a short time doesn’t mean it didn’t work. It works for as long as your journey is with that person even if you work on yourself. It also means that if you work on yourself and he doesn’t, you might out-grow that person and need to move on. I might have changed my first marriage into a good one if he was willing to change. I would not tolerate him not changing if it was the “me” that is here now. He would have changed some things or I would have left. But I would have had the skills to communicate with him that would have helped him realize what he needed to change and perhaps make him want to.
>I think about the guy Jim >in Australia, for example, I suppose I could make myself >stay with him if we were in a culture that didn’t >allow for divorce,
If you make yourself stay with someone that is not part of your journey, you will die. Like the living dead! I have met women like this that really don’t want to be with someone but can’t get themselves to leave and it is living hell. Their journey is learning the skills to leave – not to live with that person. I don’t think you could have made yourself into a person who would want to stay with Jim no matter how much you worked on yourself. However, if you worked on those issues they trigger, you would end up being more compassionate.
>Last week I danced with a guy with whom I’d never danced before >and just the way he held me made me want to stomp on his foot.
I believe this is a message from your intuitive self,(could be from the ego or from your higher self) that you definitely don’t belong with this guy. It would be interesting though for you to discover what it is with that person that you find so revolting. LOL And, you could develop the skills to communicate to him how he could do things differently so he might not get such negative responses from all women as I am sure you are not the only person who reacts to him that way.
I took the red out of Ed’s hair yesterday and made him more of a blond. LOL It took some convincing for me to get him to let me do that. I was not as attracted to him with reddish hair-don’t know why. Now he looks good to me. He also didn’t like himself with that color of hair. I guess he used to be a blondish color but it couldn’t see that in his pictures. In pictures it looked reddish and I tried to get that color to cover the gray. I started doing this so he would look more his age for a job then it turned into a different issue when I made it the wrong color. Now he likes himself better and I like to look at him more. Guess I am quite visual in my romantic self.
I am home just relaxing today as the weather is so bad, I cancelled everything. Call if you can and we can chat. Love Mary
Sat, Mar 28, 2009 at 10:11 AM Hi Mary,
Good to see you yesterday. Am keeping fingers crossed that the work you did will help you weather the next couple of weeks as you and Ed decide which way you’ll go at this crossroad.
Managed to avoid having a partner whose foot I wanted to stomp on last night. That guy Jeff was there, but luckily I only passed him once in the line.
Maybe I need to work on the part of me that makes a romantic decision based on very limited information. Last night, for example, there were a couple of guys I danced with that within seconds I knew I really like dancing with them. If we’d been dancing at a bar, I might have even gone home with one of them. Yet, I don’t know anything about them apart from that I liked how they held me. So, it seems my romantic part is kind of “all or none”, allowing one little thing to override everything else. In thinking about it, this has created most of the problems in the past because I have tended to get involved with someone before I take the time to find out if there is anything else there for us. It works the other way, too; if I don’t like how the guy holds me, I don’t even consider whether I might like him off the dance floor (this doesn’t seem like a problem–I’m thankful for the protective measure).
There is another part that seems to just consider whether I like a guy in a friend sense and that part lets me tolerate it if he is only an average dancer. That friend part and the romantic part don’t seem to pick up on the same information. I’m not even sure they know about each other– though maybe it would up my chances of choosing somebody more suitable if they worked together. Living at my sister’s and going to contra dances is a way of avoiding dealing with the romantic part, not trusting her. Maybe it would be more useful to figure out some skills and resources to put into the romantic part that allow her to slow down a bit and get a bigger picture rather than keeping her suppressed until she bursts out and does something inappropriate. Any suggestions?
Love, Lynne
Sat, Mar 28, 2009 at 3:59 PM Hi Mary,
Thanks for your insights this morning. I can’t figure out if the following is co-dependent or not, but it is related to what we were talking about. My mother belongs to the local Rotary Club. Each year they sell tickets for essentially a raffle. My mother mentioned that she sold 190 and how relieved she was to have sold her bunch. She volunteers at a local charity that has a 2nd hand clothing shop, a food bank and offers some monetary assistance to needy county residents. The Rotary Club donates to the charity. This year the RClub gave the charity 500 raffle tickets to sell. My mom thought this was a bit much to expect of the volunteers in the shop (mostly people either doing community service or very old, retired people) or the few overworked and underpaid staff. So, she took an additional 40 tickets to sell (bringing her original number from 150 to 190). My siblings and I used to laugh about how much a martyr my mom is. I agree that part of my doing work at my mom’s was in support of her scarcity issues, but it is also a bit like her taking on those additional raffle tickets when she’d already sold more than probably most individuals–it was NOT a task she particularly likes doing, just one she does because “it is a good thing to do for a good cause” and she wanted to lessen the burden for somebody else. Yet there is something here about picking up the slack that she really didn’t need to do, and I think she feels not exactly resentful, but it was something she would have just as soon not done. It was my choice to do the work for my mother because I wanted to do somethings for her after all she’s done for me, and I wanted to lessen the burden for my younger sister. Yet, I probably wouldn’t have even considered doing that heavy work for somebody down the street. So maybe it has to do with what I’m willing to sacrifice for family above my own well-being. It may have to do with boundary issues–like seeing my older sister getting really anxious that I might be leaving in a month or three so I back off thinking about making plans for a while again. Yet, neither of my sisters back of making plans for their own lives based on what I’m doing so it isn’t balanced.
love, L.
Sat, Mar 28, 2009 at 10:24 PM
No it doesn’t seem balanced with your sisters but that is typical in families. They expect from one that they wouldn’t do themselves. We would have to talk about this in person. It seems to me that the issues with your mother and the tickets are both co-dependency and scarcity/sacrafice thinking. It would be good to sort this all out. We can talk on the phone Sunday if you have time.
I am leaving for Seattle, Washington April 8 to help a friend (Mary Beedle) drive here from there. It will be fun to go on a road trip. Ed will have to handle things while I am away. I almost called you tonight because he was very quiet and not drinking even though it is a weekend. He put his last $20 in the gas tank so I was feeling something I couldn’t figure out. It is the same thing as how difficult it was for me to say “no” to Franz when he wanted something. So, in my indecision, I bought him a small bottle of rum – couldn’t figure out if I was feeling sorry for him or what. It is difficult as I have all the control of the money and I am not giving him any and this is very difficult for a man to not have control. He thinks we are broke but we really aren’t that broke. We are living from pay check to pay check but I can manage the money. I let him think that so he won’t think he can blow money on alcohol and then I go and buy some for him – go figure. Would like to talk to you about this. After I bought that for him and got home, I found out he wasn’t drinking because he drank too much yesterday and wasn’t feeling so good.
I feel we are in a strange relationship right now where I hold all the cards and he is having to deal with his own feelings about this. He has many mixed feelings that I can tell he has.
I should have left things alone as we had decided it was the last of the booz and he was OK with that. Call if you are free and we can work on each other. Love M
Sat, Mar 28, 2009 at 10:40 PM Lynne
This sounds like you have a way to get in touch with that romantic part. We could have worked on this today but went into the shoulder instead. Get in touch with that part that would go home with one guy. Put that part out in front of you. Determine which skills that part needs to be more discerning or less naive. Give her these skills. You can try to do this on your own or we can do it on the phone Sunday. M
Monday, March 30, 2009, 7:55 PM Hi Mary,
It was good to hear you clarify values in terms of behavior. In the past when I’ve tried to identify my values, I’ve found it difficult. Looking at behavior seems a more objective way to sort them out. Have you had a chance to have your clear communication discussion with Ed? Hopefully the work you did on Sunday helped pave the way.
Fingers crossed that Franz and Jessica’s house sells or rents soon. Love, L.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009, 9:27 AM
Yes, Ed and I talked. One of the interesting things he said was that “Alcohol isn’t that important to him. So, since then no alcohol. But, remember behavior shows ones real values. We postponed his class this week until next as we have to wait for money to come in. We have the chicken coop to build this week but he weather isn’t agreeing. The chickens are getting so big that I had to put them in 2 cages. They really need to be outside. I am awake in the middle of the night – can’t figure out why. Just can’t sleep. Did you figure out your values? Ed put in a new resume/application yesterday. He said the room was full of Mexicans putting in applications. They asked if he would spend half a day with a jack hammer. He said he can’t do that. I think his real future is getting this welding going. He is very quiet when not drinking. Ed’s mother is home from the hospital. They haven’t decided what to do yet. Evidently her arteries around her heart are twisted. Never heard of that. Have you? Can’t wait for warmer weather. Love Mary
Tue, Mar 31, 2009 at 5:56 PM Hi Mary,
Hope you sleep better tonight. Hope the weather holds so Ed can get the chicken coop built soon. Too bad about his mom. Doesn’t sound good for her. Hopefully she’ll last long enough for your trip out there in a couple of months. Fingers crossed that there will be more job possibilities for Ed once he gets his certificate.
I question whether any given behavior directly reflects a value. Some behaviors are simply bad habits or something we’ve learned when we didn’t know any better. Doesn’t NLP hold that there is a positive intention behind a behavior even though the behavior itself might not be appropriate now? It seems like the intention might more closely reflect a value. Yet, as I am finding it difficult to consciously identify my values (or at least rank them), looking at behaviors could be a good first step. I’ve been thinking more about dancing with that guy who held my rib cage so hard that all I wanted to do was stomp on his foot. Even at the time it made sense to ask him to ease off a bit, but clearly there must have been a stronger value that allowed me to bite my tongue while steam came out my ears. Whatever that value is that allows me to be angry at someone rather than speaking up for myself and making it more pleasant for us both is definitely ranked too high in my values. There is something here I need to work on. Love, Lynne
Tue, Mar 31, 2009 at 6:23 PM Hi Lynne,
I am not sure I would work on the issue of the guy that held you too close from the position of values. I am wondering, do you get angry when you feel pain or discomfort? It sounds like something is triggered – a reaction. We can talk about this on the phone if you like. I am getting ready to go see Paul and his partner for insurance at 8pm.
Values are often unconscious to oneself and that is why it is important to look at behavior to find out what has been programmed on the unconscious level. Behavior often shows what a person is not aware of. Then with some guided questions it is possible to discover the values. A positive intention can be to fulfill the value. We can have this discussion Wednesday evening. Something came up for Erin that fits this too. Phone me if you like before my apt. M
Also Cut and styled his hair
Another trip to Michigan
April
Thu, Apr 2, 2009 at 7:37 AM, To Group
Hi guys,
I don’t think it worked very well to use fictitious names to do the Wednesday night call. It is hard to do a planned call and record it in reality and make it meaningful. I am wondering about the Wednesday night call as it hasn’t served the purpose we intended of inviting outsiders to discuss Emotionology. Maybe we are jumping the gun and need to get together and talk about this Saturday. I will also be out of town the 8th until maybe the weekend.
I can see some value of having our Saturday discussions and having a phone number where we can record sessions for writing and learning purposes. Your thoughts please… Love you all, Mary
Thursday, April 2, 2009, 4:51 PM To group
I agree, the Wednesday night call as a forum to invite new people to learn about and discuss emotionology isn’t working right now. However, what is working for me is having actual sessions recorded that I can go back and pull a “lesson” from for the school. Each session has provided me with a few more tools, some rediscovered, some illuminated and some new.
Whenever you, Mary, get your Coaching faucet turned on a tremendous amount of info comes out that deepens my knowledge base and skills. Until we actually pull together the next classes I’d like to keep recording real “stuff” but only make it available to a small group because of it’s private nature. I think it will help each of of grow in our skills which will only serve to get us steps closer to making the school a reality. Maybe it’s baby steps right now but I feel some arobic walking and jogging coming soon.
Maybe we just need to meet once a week, on whatever days works for all and follow our intuition on what needs to happen that call? Erin
Saturday, April 4, 2009, 11:26 PM
I am also aware that when I put that green light around me when I am concerned, I feel a peaceful trusting space. It is obviously an anchor for a particular state of mind that helps me flow with the Universe. In sport psychology this is called being “in the flow” which is a performance state for athletes. It could very well be that this state heightens awareness, focus and attention keeping one more aware and performing better. Maybe God or the Universe interprets my putting the light around me as a way of asking for help. However, there is also that possibility that this state along with all the mental states that come with a positive outlook such as feeling grateful, feeling abundant, feeling loving and trusting open an invisible vortex of protection where a guiding hand leads you along with the rest of the Universe towards a positive and abundant outcome where everything is working for the highest good of all. Just believing that can bring a positive outcome or help one feel peaceful and encourage trust. Mary
Sun, Apr 5, 2009 at 4:25 PM Hi Mary,
I’m reading a book called “The Energy Healing Experiments”. It is by a prof at U of Arizona. He brings up the point that the heart has a strong electromagnetic field that can be detected outside of the body. Some of the studies he’s conducted in his lab involved measuring magnetic field energy from “master” healers when they were “running” energy. There was quite a difference in the field energy of their hands during baseline and running energy trials. I wonder if your energy level changes when you enclose yourself in a green light. Also, this makes me wonder about affirmations. When you enclose yourself in a light, I’m guessing that your entire body has this belief. Maybe for some people who can whole heartedly believe in an affirmation, it does have an effect, yet if there is some conflict, no matter how many times somebody states an affirmation, it might not do anything for them.
Went to the dance in FC last night. Of the 10-11 guys I had as partners, about half were ones I either like to dance with or at least like (even if they’re mediocre dancers). I’m working on having a more curious attitude rather and an instant judgmental dislike of the others to the point that I don’t even want to be there. Fortunately, none were ones I wanted to stomp on their feet, but I think I’d be happier if I could figure out how keep my personal bias more in check. This would be useful in working with clients or just having to deal with people in general, too. I don’t want to turn into a superficial saccharine socialite, but would like to feel some degree of respect for them and the journey they’re on (which would hopefully leave me more room to simply enjoy dancing).
Hope your trip to/from CA goes well. When do you expect to get back to CO?
If my nose still hasn’t cleared up by the time you get back, I might have you zap it again. Maybe we can do your ear then, too. love, L.
Mon, Apr 6, 2009 at 4:44 PM To Group
This type of thing really burns me as if we need a chemical to edit memory.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/06/health/research/06brain.html?em&emc=eta1
Mon, Apr 6, 2009 at 6:23 PM Hey Mary,
According to this article, neuroscience is attracting a lot of money for research.
Now neuroscience, a field that barely existed a generation ago, is racing ahead, attracting billions of dollars in new financing and throngs of researchers. The National Institutes of Health last year spent $5.2 billion, nearly 20 percent of its total budget, on brain-related projects, according to the Society for Neuroscience.
Why not look for a grant to further Emotionology? Maybe you could challenge these scientists to go head-to-head against your methods? Have you written to the NY Times?
The truth is, unless other methods fight to get media attention, they won’t be able to help as many people as a drug company that is funded… funded perhaps through ignorance. This is why finishing your book is so important. XX Lucky
Wednesday, April 8, 2009, 7:51 PM Hi Mary, Re Road trip
Hope you got to CA OK and are soon to be enjoying the road trip back.
Nothing new on this end. Though I see I just forgot about the Weds night call…love,L.
Fri, Apr 10, 2009 at 10:03 AM Re: Road trip
Just got back. Crazy here. Will be in touch. Love ya Mary
Fri, Apr 10, 2009 at 8:18 PM Hi Lynne,
Sorry to hear about your nephew. Did he end up OK?
I drove all day Thursday to get here. I never knew Mary Beedle very well even though I have known her for many years. I didn’t’ t know how needy and insecure she is and very much into drama. I made a joke today and she took offense and said she thought friends should help her keep her confidence as she can lose it so easily. I suggested working on that. I guess she was feeling not well enough to handle my house and any kind of equal relationship. She is staying with Franz and Jessica and unfortunately driving them nuts. Oh well, she will only be here for a few days. Would like to talk to you about all this when you have time. Franz and Jessica are here and they might move back. More changes… Love Mary
Fri, Apr 10, 2009 at 9:00 PM Hi Mary,
It’s interesting that different environments can really bring out different sides of someone. No doubt the move in itself is a high stressor for MB. Too bad she is making it so difficult for Franz and Jessica. Hope they are doing OK.
My nephew seems to be doing OK–all the scratches seem to be surface ones. I take him back tomorrow and should have most of the afternoon open if you want to talk. Since my sister isn’t here to host the big family Easter dinner, her in-laws have invited my nieces and me on Sunday.
I couldn’t figure out a graceful way to decline so will be there for a couple of hours in the early afternoon but should be able to talk in the morning or later in the day. Love, Lynne
Sat, Apr 11, 2009 at 9:43 PM Hi Lynne,
Glad your nephew is OK. Did his face get scratched up?
Paul came over to help with my computer. It stopped working because of all the dust. Franz built the chicken coop so the chickens are outside now. I am very thankful.
Mary Beedle left today after getting some checking on her car. She really drew my son and daughter-in-law into a lot of drama and her complaining about me, so they felt that they had to defend me. Don’t think she will be moving here as she didn’t get the caretaking to her neediness that she was looking for. Jessica came over and we worked on it so that she could unhook herself from all of it and right after that M B called and said she was leaving. I asked her if she had accomplished what she wanted to here and she affirmed that so wished her well and she was off. I realized a lot about people who don’t own their feelings and want others to caretake them. They do a lot of complaining and don’t change anything. Was interesting.
Sunday I will be around painting the chicken coop. You can call when you get a break from the family stuff. Enjoy the Easter dinner. Love Mary
Sun, Apr 12, 2009 at 6:15 PM Letter
Perhaps you can help me get the message across without the redundancy LOL
Dear MB,
I have known you a long time but realize now how much I really didn’t know you. To know someone is to know his/her philosophy on life and how that person thinks. When we started this trip as I got off the plane, I noticed that you easily got into blaming me for anything that you thought might be wrong. Surprised by this, I found it interesting and was observing our communication and how the situation progressed. (Illness always brings out the negative in a person and I realize you were tired and not well.) You also blamed your daughter for changing your phone plan even before you found out if anything was actually wrong with it.
The trip was good for me as I learned more about why people get into blame. I see “blaming” as a way of not accepting responsibility for one’s feelings or one’s decisions. Do you think there is some unwritten law that people are supposed to care-take you and make you feel OK about yourself? Every decision you have ever made in your life puts you where you are right now. Own your own feelings/decisions and you have no reason to blame others or be dependent on them.
You say BFB (Big Fuckin Baby) to those who can’t quit smoking or are not taking care of themselves in medical ways. I say BFB to those who won’t “fix” their emotions. I use the word “fix” here on purpose. I know that most people think fixing means there is something wrong instead of part of a process. When you look at life as a learning journey, fixing your emotions is just part of the necessary process of life. Emotions don’t get fixed on their own and have to be processed. After processing them they become permanently fixed. Emotions are your body chemistry so it is also part of health. Learning about emotions is just a necessary part of a happy life. Emotionology is about learning the differences of how people think and how different philosophies have different outcomes. Thankfully we have all the tools needed to make all the changes necessary for a happy life. You appear to look for happiness outside yourself, you seem emotionally needy and insecure and prefer not to help yourself or fix your emotions (BFBhere) but you have a wonderful body of medical knowledge to share and a lot of skills to give to the world.
You show a neediness to be appreciated, neediness to be loved, neediness to be valued, neediness to be heard showing a big hole in your being. If you love yourself you are capable of loving others without trying to get something back. If you don’t love and accept yourself you will always be needy for love and acceptance from others. When you love and accept yourself there is no need to fill needs outside even though it is nice to have people care. When you know you are important, you don’t need to look for importance from others. When you respect yourself, it isn’t important if others respect you or not. When you appreciate yourself you don’t need appreciation from others. You can’t be whole if you are needy.
Looking outside yourself for care and to be babied, you are dependent on others for your wellness, emotional security and happiness. Because you are needy you try to use your medical knowledge and “know how” to make friends and bind them to you to fill your needs which puts you at risk for being unprofessional. I watched you help Jessica and then turn it into getting too close and unprofessional even talking to them about their sex life which they didn’t appreciate. If you truly valued yourself, your knowledge, and you were secure in your worth, you would have helped Jessica and that would have been enough. You would not have felt the need to involve yourself in every aspect of their lives.
You came here looking to find caretakers. I am not a caretaker. I help people learn how to take care of themselves and fix their feelings. You rejected that help. Instead, you followed Franz and Jessica around looking for them to be your best friends to share your gripe about me. Friends in the “ negative model” of thinking are about taking sides, co-dependently meeting needs, co-miserating and sharing desperation. True friends in the “positive model” is allowing others to have their journey without judgement – to live and let live. It is also realizing that friendship is sharing the joy of life not sharing the drama in life.
If you don’t judge, you don’t complain about others. If you take responsibility for your own life including your feelings, you are not needy and don’t have to look to others to feel better. Yes, my philosophy is that ‘life is a learning journey’ (I know that can become redundant when you don’t want to hear it) but by thinking that way makes the process of life a good one without the need to blame others or fear failure as there is no such thing as “failure”. How can anything be a failure if you enjoy the process of learning from mistakes?
I have listened to you complain about your relationship with Terry but you don’t do anything about it. Happiness is a choice – it doesn’t come from someone else. No one can give it to you. If you don’t like what you have or the relationship you are in – choose again. The choice is yours – be happy with what you have or change it. Blaming him for how you feel or how he doesn’t make you feel loved or have the behaviors you want in a man is a waste of time. Find someone else you can be happy with. I don’t understand what you are accomplishing by complaining about others except to get people to feel sorry for you and get their attention for a short time. Perhaps you feel listened to. But, where there is pity, there is no love. Own your own feelings and own your own life and make better choices.
Also, along with relationship complaining goes the constant drama of “he said” and “she said”. This is how people perpetuate the problem. It is better to “bottom line it” by condensing the story and it saves so much time and leaves all the emotion out of it. When you repeat everything that was said you are duplicating your emotions into the other person and draining them. You are good at bottom lining it in your work but not when you are complaining about your life. You are the best in the medical field and knowledge about the body – I am the best in my field – Emotionology – the science of emotions and how the mind works. I can help anyone learn from their experiences and become empowered if they choose not to be a victim. By not helping yourself you are a victim of your own thinking.
I highly value learning and experience so for me your visit was very useful. I am available to show you how you can fix your confidence and neediness but I also know from experience that I probably have added to your baggage on this trip so you would not likely seek my help. Find someone that knows how to do NLP and you can fix your thinking so no one can damage your confidence and you won’t feel needy any more. Until you do that every man you meet will either be showing you a mirror of your own neediness or ones who will not be there for you driving you to look for someone different. Looking for women who you can be co-dependent with, you will only delay the time it takes you to feel more secure in this world. It doesn’t support the best in you – it only makes the needy hole bigger. That is not what I call true friends. Although you won’t realize this, I am being more of a true friend by speaking frank with you and telling you the truth. Maybe it will take you years to get over this letter but I am here if you are open to learn and share. A true friend sees your potential and will help you realize it without judgment. I realize now that you never got what emotionology or what I am about. I feel like there is nothing wrong with where you are on your learning experience. We all make mistakes. We must learn, move on and, be there to truly help each other grow. Without growth we don’t evolve. Mary
Sun, Apr 12, 2009 at 7:20 PM Hi Mary,
I like how you’ve bottom lined emotionology. Overall, I didn’t notice glaring grammatical problems, though I think some specific examples of her recent behaviors that are “needy” would be useful as MB might not realize how her behavior is actually sabotaging her happiness. This, of course, is only worth it if she wants to make changes.
Two other things came up for me. The first is something that some psychologist came up with about everybody needing to feel acceptance and 3 or 4 other things. If a person hasn’t had these in their life, I don’t think telling them they need to accept themselves is going to be very effective. Though depending on the person, I suppose it might plant a seed to find out how they could accept themselves.
The second thing is that I’m guessing that MB doesn’t feel very good about herself. If I was in that state and someone sent me a several page letter about how needy I am, I’d feel even worse about myself (and probably want to lash out at the person who sent the letter). You do point out that she has wonderful medical skills, yet the overall tone seems to me to be berating her. Would you be this harsh with a client? (Though you would know better than I do what language would get through to her.) I realize that she isn’t your client, but could you set a more hopeful tone for her? You point out that Emotionology can help, yet I think it would be even more helpful if she was encouraged herself or at least reminded of some of her innate qualities. Otherwise, I’m not sure I can tell what distinguishes your letter from being judgmental of her.
Apologies if this strays too far from the original intent of your letter. Love, L.
Sun, Apr 12, 2009 at 8:24 PM
Yes, I know what you mean it probably would alienate her. I will have to read it after it has sat awhile. I have been very patient and tactful in the past and she never got it. She also berates (the BFB) others on what they need to change, and she seems proud of that. So, I feel like if she can do that to others, she should be able to take it herself.
As you already know, not feeling acceptance and being needy comes from not being accepted or having your needs met as a child. Once this has been filled in the feeling changes. I probably need to get this across to her. I would prefer to state the problem without appearing judgmental. Maybe that is impossible. Real acceptance comes with a change of philosophy besides editing the memories with some inner child work.
I will keep in mind that I need to help her feel good about herself but if you ask her she would already say she feels good about herself. She just doesn’t accept it emotionally.
Tomorrow, I will re-read it and rewrite it. That was just a first draft. Thanks for your feedback. It will help me be more objective. I always start by throwing out whatever is on my mind and it is helpful to hear what you have to say.
We had everyone over for dinner and now we are just sitting around with laptop computers (except Ed) watching Family Guy. No one is drinking tonight so it is a big change. Ed wants to be sharp for school tomorrow. That’s an improvement.
Did you enjoy the Easter dinner with family or whom ever it was that invited you? How are your nieces and nephew? What do you have going the rest of this week? Maybe we could get together. Love Mary
Mon, Apr 13, 2009 at 7:13 AM Hi Mary,
The MB situation seems kind of complicated. She isn’t your client, she hasn’t asked for your advice, and she doesn’t seem open to wanting to change. Yet, she hasn’t treated you or your kids in a healthy, friendly or at least respectful manner. So writing something to her seems a good idea. I agree that even a few Emotionology sessions could probably clear up some things for her.
It is frustrating to know that there are techniques to help people have more options yet they persist in making themselves and others miserable.
Is Ed starting to be more talkative now that he’s been off alcohol for a while? It is interesting that he admits he is sharper without alcohol as you had mentioned that he could drink quite a bit without it seeming to affect him.
I’ve known my sister’s in-laws since I was 10 or so and have never particularly liked them. He is a retired Methodist minister and police chaplain. He and his wife have always been very well respected in the churches where he’s worked yet they’ve seldom had time for their own grandchildren. Most of the time I avoid them and managed to get out of family gatherings at their place. However, with my sister and her husband away, I thought it would be too blatant to ignore a direct invitation even though neither of my nieces were too excited about going either. We were joined by my brother-in-law’s sister. It was interesting to listen to her go on about herself and how big of an impact she’s had on the company where she works. Afterward my niece and I agreed that there is probably a pretty big discrepancy between what we heard and what really is happening in the company. However, I wouldn’t mind having a bit of her ability to present herself in such a good light.
My nieces and nephew are doing OK. Rachel is starting to work more hours in the cafe at Barnes and Noble so it is giving some structure to her life as well as a little bit of money. My sister and her husband will be back on Saturday morning. Love, Lynne
Mon, Apr 13, 2009 at 9:43 AM Hi Lynne,
I never send someone what I write when I am just getting something off my chest. I do want to send her something as I don’t want it to end up like another person I knew like her. Once I got disgusted, I just wiped them out of my life and never explained leaving them wondering. So, I did a little situation repair technique and this is where I am.
I realize she wasn’t feeling well which brings out anyone’s limitations.
I realize that I got disgusted with her after listening to her complain all the way here without wanting to do anything about it. I was looking at her judgment of others saying they were BFBs but not seeing her own. I was especially miffed at her talking behind my back to my kids but realize anyone who complains about others always does that to everyone. I already knew what the learning was for me but just needed to process it. Had she been feeling well it wouldn’t have been as bad but the extra lack of energy made her limitations even more glaring. She needed to have the ability to keep her judgments to herself. So, now I will have to reread my letter and see if I would want to send any of it. That will depend on if it could really serve a higher purpose.
We had a nice time with everyone even though no one was drinking. Ed was normal.
You were very positive about your Easter visit even tho you don’t like them. Glad your niece has a job to transition into life again. Will connect more later – have to pick up Jessica and take a shade at a dental office. Love Mary
Monday, April 13, 2009, 7:13 AM
Hi Mary,
The MB situation seems kind of complicated. She isn’t your client, she hasn’t asked for your advice, and she doesn’t seem open to wanting to change. Yet, she hasn’t treated you or your kids in a healthy, friendly or at least respectful manner. So writing something to her seems a good idea. I agree that even a few Emotionology sessions could probably clear up some things for her.
It is frustrating to know that there are techniques to help people have more options yet they persist in making themselves and others miserable.
Is Ed starting to be more talkative now that he’s been off alcohol for a while? It is interesting that he admits he is sharper without alcohol as you had mentioned that he could drink quite a bit without it seeming to affect him.
I’ve known my sister’s in-laws since I was 10 or so and have never particularly liked them. He is a retired Methodist minister and police chaplain. He and his wife have always been very well respected in the churches where he’s worked yet they’ve seldom had time for their own grandchildren. Most of the time I avoid them and managed to get out of family gatherings at their place. However, with my sister and her husband away, I thought it would be too blatant to ignore a direct invitation even though neither of my nieces were too excited about going either. We were
joined by my brother-in-law’s sister. It was interesting to listen to her go on about herself and how big of an impact she’s had on the company where she works. Afterward my niece and I agreed that there is probably a pretty big discrepancy between what we heard and what really is happening in the company. However, I wouldn’t mind having a bit of her ability to present herself in such a good light.
My nieces and nephew are doing OK. Rachel is starting to work more hours in the cafe at Barnes and Noble so it is giving some structure to her life as well as a little bit of money.
My sister and her husband will be back on Saturday morning.
Mon, Apr 13, 2009 at 10:26 AM Hi Mary, that situation repair technique is a good one. After the way MB parted, maybe she doesn’t want to have anything more to do with you anyway. All the same, I appreciate your wanting to clear the air.
I had another quick look at your letter and deleted most of the stuff specific to MB. Although it now is kind of choppy, it has some good stuff about Emo. Maybe it could be used as part of a general article about neediness. Maybe Erin would find it helpful in the material she is putting together? Love, L.
Fri, Apr 17, 2009 at 1:29 PM Hi Mary,
Haven’t been able to get cell reception for the last two days. Maybe it is the phone?
Did you have any more ideas about what to change for people beating themselves up? I was thinking about it some. In Erin’s case, I initially thought maybe doing an anchoring technique where she is in a state of feeling empowered and able to successfully get things done. (Kind of like what you did with Franz being able to speak his truth when he goes to court for Rio.) Yet, it doesn’t seem like this is really the problem. If I understood you, she is beating herself up over something she didn’t really have any control over. I wonder how much of this is about Lexi’s own journey.
The other evening, I went to see a presentation about Matrix Energetics. The phys. therapist who has been working on my shoulder has taken some seminars in it and showed a DVD of the originator talking about it and demonstrating what it does. It was hard to see what the guy was actually doing–in some ways it looked like those faith healers–he’d put his hands on someone and they’d go glassy eyed and fall backwards, later claiming whatever ailed them was feeling better. I never fell backwards when the woman worked on me and my shoulder wasn’t miraculously healed.
Supposedly the guy steps into some state of infinite possible states and, through his intention, brings about a transformation for the person. After showing the DVD, the woman offered to demo on people in the audience (all women and all, except for me, into Healing Touch). The woman said it wasn’t necessary for a person to fall over and she hadn’t had any of her clients do so. Yet, the first woman who went up, promptly got glassy eyed and fell over. I don’t know if this is because she had essentially hypnotized herself, if showing the DVD had somehow changed the “energy” in the room and the demonstrator or what. I’d like to believe that miraculous changes are possible and you’ve even mentioned that you’ve seen some incredibly fast transformations at times. So is it my lack of belief that prevents my shoulder from full and rapid recovery? And, in my admittedly limited experience with “healers”, none seem to make any headway with people who have developmental disabilities. Yet, if such disabilities are genetically based, it seems there is a chance that the DNA could change bringing about more noticeable transformations. None of this helps Erin with her daughter…
Is Ed going to be in class all next week? Maybe I could come down during the week sometime. Love, Lynne
Fri, Apr 17, 2009 at 3:16 PM
try *228 on the phone to reset it. Also call *611 and ask them why it isn’t working is it can connect some way. I wanted to call you back but couldn’t get your home number off Ed’s home phone. If you can get through by home phone to Verizon the security code is xxxx. Call 1800-922-0204 and tell them the number we are having trouble with so they can trouble shoot the phone. You are listed now as an authorized person on the account.
Fri, Apr 17, 2009 at 3:21 PM Hi Lynne
Did you have any more ideas about what to change or people beating themselves up?
When working with this client, we didn’t go over that again. His mother doesn’t take responsibility for her feelings, and he has to learn from that and not do the same thing. Would like to talk to you about this but don’t have your sister’s number. Call me and I can call you back.
In Erin’s case, she felt guilty that she didn’t spend enough time preparing for her court case and lost the case. I think she was afraid of being blamed by Don, but she has way too much on her plate as it is. The Matrix Energetics sounds like faith healing. Let’s talk on the phone. I am just hanging out working around the house being snowed in. Love Mary
Sun, Apr 19, 2009 at 9:27 AM Hi Mary,
Good discussion yesterday. If it were being written up as a case study, I think it would be useful to mention you doing the situation repair technique as that seemed to let you shift your viewpoint and consider the bigger picture. Maybe we can talk about the “beating oneself up” issue another time. In some ways, it is the opposite of MB where she is lashing out at others, but maybe inside she is lashing out at herself?
Here is a description of Matrix Energetics: http://www.matrixenergetics.com/WhatIs.aspx
Went dancing last night. Besides the exercise, I’m starting to see it as a good opportunity to notice how I look at people and how much my instant judgment of them affects how I dance with them. Being curious is much more fun than wishing the floor would open up and swallow them…
Have Franz and Jessica decided to move back after all? Was glad to hear that Ed is getting something out of the classes. Hopefully he can zoom on through them and get his certificate
before long. Love, Lynne
Sun, Apr 19, 2009 at 9:33 AM Hi Lynne and Erin,
Some good ideas so I am passing it on also to Erin. Erin, check Lynne’s note at end.
Matrix Energetics: http://www.matrixenergetics.com/WhatIs.aspx
This sounds like what they used to call “light touch” with a lot of fancy words desguising the idea that your imaginations has to equip this.
Sun, Apr 19, 2009 at 12:28 PM
Absolutely!!! Beating up one’s self is the “passives” way of processing what an “aggressive” directs outward. As I moved from a passive processer to an assertive processer I passed through aggressive for a while … Mary did also, and what stories.
It will be a great conversation.
Also, I may have a new client on Wednesday that needs the 5-6pm slot 7-8 your time which is our regular meeting time. Can you guys meet earlier, somewhere between 2-4 my time 4-6 your time? Won’t know till Tuesday (maybe Monday) when the client can come.
Erin C. Atwood, Life Coach, CEC
May
Thu, May 7, 2009 at 9:41 AM Lynne to Mary
Our greatest resource for personal change is a clear, sensible personal philosophy. Philosophy has to do with ideas, beliefs, and assumptions. Having a useful philosophy protects you from the effects of negative emotions. In Emotionology we class emotions as skills or blocks (i.e., constraints to skills). People come to us because they want to remove blocks or develop new skills. We get to the cause of a block, create new resources, and achieve a more effective outcome. Negative thought structures clog mental space. Limitations in thinking are from lack of knowledge. By changing your thinking, you can change your behavior and beliefs.
Each of us needs to clarify our personal beliefs relative to our identity and spirituality. Our beliefs, the internal rules we live by, shape our experience of life. Our outer world is nothing more than a reflection of our inner world of beliefs. Beliefs rarely can be proved true empirically, but each of us has an internal knowing, an individual truth that works for us. Beliefs are the filtering system that only opens doors for certain things. If you change your beliefs, you change what you generate in your life. This automatically happens as you change your thinking and it happens much faster if you change your beliefs. Beliefs are filters that prevent us from seeing reality. Working on yourself removes filters.
Emotionology makes use of several tools to bring about change. The philosophy underlying Emotionology provides a bag for the tools and a context for selecting the appropriate tool. One of the strong points of Emotionology is that it is based on a working philosophy. It makes use of five models that represent how a person thinks and interacts in the world. The philosophy underlying Emotionology supports being upfront, honest, having integrity, facing reality (drama is illusion), and open communication.
A key tenet of Emotionology is Life is a learning journey. If you recognize that life is a learning journey, you are willing to learn. The Emotionology coaching philosophy is that during the process of learning, an individual can reorganize their thinking and finish blocks of learning so the person can move on to a new adventure of life. Unprocessed memories become baggage and finishing the process automatically heals the issue. Also, many simple thinking problems are often diagnosed as mental illness. Thinking problems and mental baggage can be corrected with the use of mental processes that realign information and build emotional intelligence. More perspectives gives more wholeness.
Your life journey is just about experiences. You aren’t what you do or what you have, these are only expressions of yourself. Your thoughts rather than your actions or your possessions determine who you are. Mistakes are just learning experiences. Bad decisions create good learning experiences. Where you are is based on all the choices you’ve made in your life. You’re free to choose something different. In particular, happiness is a choice. Everything is a choice. However, choices have consequences. Emotionology stresses the importance of being responsible to your self. Yet, just because you may have had some learning experience doesn’t mean you have to let that experience define you. Negative experiences can be neutralized.
Only you can know what is good for your journey. For example, if you really hate your job or your relationship, that’s not where you’re supposed to be. A rich life is based on doing what you want to do rather than on what you feel you have to do. If you are attracted to something, that is a sign to explore it. The best part of you guides you through attraction and interests. Curiosity is a driving force. Cultivate curiosity rather than judgment and criticism. Have faith and trust that things work out for the best. Know that your higher self wants what’s best for you and that the universe is abundant. Consider that this situation holds something good for me, that there is an opportunity for me here. Develop an attitude that there is something good about everything. Looking for the good, opens the door for more good.
Another key tenet of Emotionology is to do what works. What is right is what works for the highest good of everyone. It isn’t about rules. If you just live your life by rules, you don’t have to think. Rules are for people who don’t want to have to think. If you were to make a rule, make one that gives you the ability to think, “What is right is for the highest and best of everyone, including myself”, then you have to consider how best to take care of yourself. When facing a choice you ask, “Is this in my highest and best interest and is it in the highest and best interest of everyone else?” Asking this question is how you can know what “right” is. Emotionology recognizes that change is constant. Thus, what is right (i.e., what works) may change when you face a different circumstance.
Questioning is a cornerstone of Emotionology. By questioning, you learn and evolve further. Having some defenses gives you a center from where you are questioning and allows you to base your understanding on a solid foundation of principles rather than rules. Following the guiding principle to question everything keeps you from being gullible. Question anything that limits you. Is it a belief or reality?
Emotionology holds that working on yourself paves the way to healthier relationships with others. A healthy relationship is one based on sharing the joy. Relationships based on love and happiness rather than on need. Everyone has their own journey. Stay on your own path; don’t make the other person your path. Put your faith and trust in the universe rather than another person. Everyone’s journey is of equal importance (i.e., one individual is not more valuable or important than another). We’re here to experience our own journey, not judge other’s choices. Everybody is perfect where they are on their own journey. Other’s journeys are not a reflection of my journey. Have responsibility to yourself first, others second while holding highest goal is happiness for all. Keeping the goal of happiness is more important than being right. Live and let live (but may need to set boundaries for your own well-being.) Guilt, obligation, and pity don’t serve any positive purpose and limit your own development (they are used to manipulate and control in the negative model). Give from a state of loving. Help out of goodness of your heart (as a choice) rather than wanting to rescue or out of pity/obligation/guilt. If it is a sacrifice, it isn’t a choice. Problem solving is sometimes a mask for rescuing. Additional general principles and guidelines for a positive, healthy relationship include: being interdependent rather than codependent; face conflict to end conflict; sharing—standing together; allowing; assertive; all win; cooperating. Motivate based on enthusiasm, inspiration, and encouragement. Unconditional acceptance. Planting seeds can result in major changes.
BUSINESS
Do what works. Must set greed aside along with selfish and selfless-ness.
Do what works for all of those working to a common goal.
OUTCOMES
More options.
Don’t live a life or chose relationships based on needs.
Removes limitations.
To have a better life.
To be more accepting.
Rapid, long lasting, effective change. Lynne
Fri, May 8, 2009 at 8:39 PM Hi Lynne,
Lots of stuff here but been too busy to get into it yet; Had a client today and then needed to cut the grass here, at my house, and then at Franz and Jessica’s place. The grass was almost 12 inches high and full of weeds. Doesn’t look good when you are trying to sell. Ed worked on safeguarding the bird pen. Life is good and busy. Love Mary
Sat, May 9, 2009 at 12:21 PM Hi All,
- I talked with Mary this morning to tell her I’m going to look for Grant money for our start up business. I’ve got a strong feeling to go in this direction and feel the delicious anticipation of it’s creation. SO …. here’s what I’m requesting of all of you:
Engage your powers of creation in finding the perfect grant. If you feel any resistance please give Mary a call and let her coach you to a new paradigm of manifesting. - Gather together information about yourself that I can use in the Grant Proposal.Full name credentials, degrees, work history, etc Mary, I need you to gather testimonials from a few people you’ve trained and people that you’ve coached. I believe that we have a great team that will look perfect on a proposal.
Mary has her Masters with 30+ years of coaching and business ownership Ann has credentials as a college professor Paul has credentials as a computer professional I have 20+ years of Accounting experience and business ownership Don… my husband … has many years experience in writing successfully funded grant proposals.
Let’s MANIFEST, GET EXCITED, ANTICIPATE … The Emotionology Coach Institute has the right group in place to make it the most advanced, progressive and effective Coach Training available.
And So It Is …..Love you all!! Erin C. Atwood, Life Coach, CEC
P.S. – If you have any inklings or insights into grants … pass them along!!!
Sun, May 10, 2009 at 8:49 AM Good start Erin,
Raining here and the house is clean so I have a good day to rest in bed and get back to thinking about Emotionology. Will be in touch…. Love, Mary
Mon, May 11, 2009 at 9:13 AM Hi Mary,
Hope the chickens and ducks all made it through the weekend. It snowed in Estes Park where I was at my sister’s cabin.
I thought you mentioned that F&J’s agent was supposed to arrange to have the yardwork done etc at the house. Seems like it’s time to go with another one. Hopefully someone will take an interest in buying it before long. It is a cute house and would make a good home for a family.
Love, L.
Mon, May 11, 2009 at 9:58 PM Hi Lynne,
I don’t know what I am doing here with this info. But, I just reworked it. I think some research would have to be done to see how other people can write about philosophy. I can talk about it but can’t write about it. This is what I did with what you sent me not probably what needs to be done but?>
One’s personal philosophy is comprised of ideas and assumptions that one lives by. A working philosophy can be a great resource or a non-working philosophy can be the basis of failure.
Philosophy has to do with ideas, beliefs, and assumptions. Having a useful philosophy can protect one from getting into negativity. For instance, if you live your life “as if” there is something good about every event, something to learn from everything, and that mistakes are just part of learning, you would look for something good in anything that happens and learn from your mistakes. You would be on your way to happiness. However, if you believe that mistakes are failure and that you are defined by what you do, what you have, and what others think of you, you will easily feel like a failure, nothing will ever be good enough and you can never be enough or have enough. You will probably never achieve happiness and will be depressed. How you think becomes you.
By changing your thinking, you can change your behavior and beliefs. You can also choose your life philosophy and decide what you want to believe. Positive emotions will follow.
In Emotionology we class emotions as skills or blocks (i.e., constraints to skills). People come to an Emotionology coach because they want to remove blocks or enhance skills. We get to the cause of a block, transform the block (this can be any negative emotion or a philosophy that doesn’t work) create new resources, and achieve a more effective outcome or help someone feel better. Every emotion (negative or positive) is backed by a categorized pile of memories that we call a thought structure. As an example, if you took the feeling of hurt, and took a picture of every time you ever felt hurt and put those pictures out in front of you, you would be looking at pile of memories or a thought structure.
Negative thought structures clog mental space. It isn’t easy to handle more than 3 negative thoughts or events at one time. At that point, most people start getting overwhelmed, anxiety, or depression. However, it is easy to have 3 positive thoughts, or three good things happen at one time and still function. In fact, functioning with all that positive stuff going on is a high and makes everything in life go well.
Whenever a person is blocked by negativity they are limited. Limitations in thinking are from lack of information in the thought structures. We can prove this because it is only necessary to add information such as a working philosophy and the limitations go away. However, if a person doesn’t know what they believe or has conflicting beliefs, they will remain confused. People also have hidden beliefs. There are many things we think are true that we have never examined.
Each of us needs to clarify our personal beliefs relative to our identity and spirituality. Our beliefs, the internal rules we live by, shape our experience of life. Our outer world is nothing more than a reflection of our inner world of how we think about ourselves and how life works. Beliefs rarely can be proved true empirically, but each of us has an internal knowing, an individual truth that works for us. Beliefs are the filtering system that only opens doors for certain things. If you change your beliefs, you change what you generate in your life. This automatically happens as you change your thinking, and it happens much faster if you change your beliefs and life philosophy. Beliefs are filters that prevent us from seeing reality. Working on oneself removes filters that block our potential.
Emotionology makes use of several tools to bring about change. The philosophy underlying Emotionology provides a bag that holds the tools and a context for selecting the appropriate tool. One of the strong points of Emotionology is that it is based on a working philosophy. It makes use of five models that represent how a person thinks and interacts in the world. The philosophy underlying Emotionology supports being upfront, honest, having integrity, facing reality (drama is illusion), and open communication.
A key tenet of Emotionology is Life is a learning journey. If you recognize that life is a learning journey, you are more willing to learn. The Emotionology coaching philosophy is that during the process of learning, an individual can reorganize their thinking and finish blocks of learning so the person can move on to an improved life and not make the same mistakes twice. Unprocessed memories become baggage and finishing the process automatically heals. Also, many simple thinking problems are often diagnosed as mental illness. Thinking problems and mental baggage can be corrected with the use of mental processes that realign information and build emotional intelligence. Additional perspectives equates to more wholeness.
Your life journey is just about experiences. You aren’t what you do or what you have, these are only expressions of yourself. Your thoughts rather than your actions or your possessions direct your decisions and determine who you are. Mistakes are just learning experiences. Bad decisions create good learning experiences. Where you are is based on all the choices you’ve made throughout your life. You’re free to choose something different at any time. In particular, happiness is a choice. Everything is a choice. However, choices have consequences. Emotionology stresses the importance of being responsible to your self. Yet, just because you may have had some learning experience doesn’t mean you have to let that experience define you. Negative experiences can be neutralized.
Only you can know what is good for your journey and your choices should be directed by your positive (moving forward) emotions. For example, if you really hate your job or your relationship, and you work on the negative issues around these situations and still don’t want to be there – that’s not where you’re supposed to be. Another way of saying this is that you are not on the right path. A rich life is based on doing what you want to do rather than on what you feel you have to do or just moving away from what you don’t want. If you are attracted to something, that is a sign to explore it. The best part of you guides you through attraction and interests. Curiosity is a driving force. Cultivate curiosity rather than judgment and criticism. Have faith and trust that things work out for the best. Know that your higher self wants what’s best for you and that the universe is abundant. Consider that this situation holds something good for me, that there is an opportunity for me here. Develop an attitude that there is something good about everything. Looking for the good, opens the door for more good.
Another key tenet of Emotionology is to do what works. What is right is what works for the highest good of everyone. It isn’t about rules. If you just live your life by rules, you don’t have to think. Rules are for people who don’t want to have to think. If you were to make a rule, make one that gives you the ability to think, “What is right is for the highest and best of everyone, including myself”, then you have to consider how best to take care of yourself while considering others next. When facing a choice you ask, “Is this in my highest and best interest and is it in the highest and best interest of everyone else?” Asking this question is how you can know what “right” is. Emotionology recognizes that change is constant. Thus, what is right (i.e., what works) may change when you face a different circumstance.
Questioning is a cornerstone of Emotionology. By questioning, you can get to the root of problems, learn from life, and evolve further. Asking yourself the right questions is helpful to find good answers. If you as questions like “Why am I so dumb?” you won’t get any helpful information. But, if you ask better questions that use “what” or “how” the information is better. Such as, “What made me do that?” It is less judgmental and you will get some good answers with helpful information.
A good philosophy helps to build a solid base of self-understanding which is a solid foundation of principles rather than rules. Following the guiding principle to question everything keeps you from being gullible. Question anything that limits you. Is it a belief or is it reality?
Emotionology holds that working on yourself paves the way to healthier relationships with others. A healthy relationship is one based on sharing the joy. Relationships based on love and happiness are long lasting. Relationships based on need will always end. The need gets filled or the one gets tired of trying to fill a bottomless pit. Everyone has their own journey. Stay on your own path; don’t make the other person your path although you share a path. Put your faith and trust in the universe rather than another person. Everyone’s journey is of equal importance (i.e., one individual is not more valuable or important than another). We’re here to experience our own journey, not judge other’s choices. Everybody is perfect where they are on their own journey. Have responsibility to yourself first, others second while holding highest goal is happiness for all. Keeping the goal of happiness is more important than being right. Live and let live (but may need to set boundaries for your own well-being.) Guilt, obligation, and pity don’t serve any positive purpose and limit your own development (they are used to manipulate and control in the negative model). Give from a state of loving. Help out of goodness of your heart (as a choice) rather than wanting to rescue or out of pity/obligation/guilt. If it is a sacrifice, it isn’t a choice.
Problem solving is sometimes a mask for rescuing. Additional general principles and guidelines for a positive, healthy relationship include: being interdependent rather than codependent; face conflict to end conflict; sharing—standing together; allowing; assertive; all win; cooperating. Motivate based on enthusiasm, inspiration, and encouragement. Unconditional acceptance. Planting seeds can result in major changes.
Mon, May 11, 2009 at 10:22 PM Erin and Paul,
Lynne sent me some stuff and I just tried to rework it about philosophy. Perhaps we can talk about this Wednesday night. Mary
Monday, April 13, 2009, 7:13 AM Hi Mary,
The MB situation seems kind of complicated. She isn’t your client, she hasn’t asked for your advice, and she doesn’t seem open to wanting to change. Yet, she hasn’t treated you or your kids in a healthy, friendly or at least respectful manner. So writing something to her seems a good idea. I agree that even a few Emotionology sessions could probably clear up some things for her.
It is frustrating to know that there are techniques to help people have more options yet they persist in making themselves and others miserable.
Is Ed starting to be more talkative now that he’s been off alcohol for a while? It is interesting that he admits he is sharper without alcohol as you had mentioned that he could drink quite a bit without it seeming to affect him.
I’ve known my sister’s in-laws since I was 10 or so and have never particularly liked them. He is a retired Methodist minister and police chaplain. He and his wife have always been very well respected in the churches where he’s worked yet they’ve seldom had time for their own
grandchildren. Most of the time I avoid them and manage to get out of family gatherings at their place. However, with my sister and her husband away, I thought it would be too blatant to ignore a direct invitation even though neither of my nieces were too excited about going either. We were joined by my brother-in-law’s sister. It was interesting to listen to her go on about herself and how big of an impact she’s had on the company where she works. Afterward my niece and I agreed that there is probably a pretty big discrepancy between what we heard and what really is happening in the company. However, I wouldn’t mind having a bit of her ability to present herself in such a good light.
My nieces and nephew are doing OK. Rachel is starting to work more hours in the cafe at Barnes and Noble so it is giving some structure to her life as well as a little bit of money. My sister and her husband will be back on Saturday morning. Love, Lynne
Thu, May 14, 2009 at 5:52 PM Hi Mary,
Hope you were able to catch up some today. If you have a chance to look over any of the emotionology units by Sunday afternoon, maybe we could sort some more out when I stop by. I’m guessing I’ll be there around 5 or so. I probably won’t have cell phone coverage until shortly before then because I’ll be in the mountains above Boulder for the weekend. Providing all goes well, I’ll need to be at the airport by 8:30 to pick up my niece, Rachel.
It sounded like Erin has already started rewriting the philosophy material so I’ll leave it alone. See you soon. Love, Lynne
Wed, May 20, 2009 at 9:50 PM
I think Anne has a few things to work though before she can participate fully. We will have to get to the bottom of this. I like your ideas. I think we will need to go forward with a publication on a booklet first. Anyone that participates will be part of the rewards. Perhaps I can work with Anne on any reservation, and we can go forward. You were a great moderator tonight..M
Friday, May 22, 2009, 6:36 PM
I sensed the same thing with Ann and feel that her participation already warrants her name to be included on the publication. Just adding her comments for clarity have been valuable for me to know what additional ideas need to be added.
I’m still working on the editing and finding that the process is very organizing, uplifting and confirming for me. I’ve had a couple of meetings since our conversation and have found my thinking and verbal expression flowing with an ease, eloquence and inspiration that seems to come from a higher source … very cool indeed. Love you Mary!!
We meet next on Wednesday night, right? Erin
Fri, May 22, 2009 at 7:16 PM
Right; And I have something to add to the philosophy if we can record it sometime this weekend if you have time call me. Mary
From: [email protected] To: ED Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 5:06 PM Subject: coming home
Ed & Mary i have the week of june 22 off; my exact days off are monday, june 22 through sunday june 28th. how does this fit with you guys? Steve
June
Tue, Jun 16, 2009 at 7:00 PM Hi Mary,
Glad to know you got something of value out of the Dale Carnegie workshop. I’m looking forward to hearing more about it. I’ll be around tomorrow and will try to have my phone nearby. Or let me know when it is convenient to call, and we can figure out the rest of the week.Love,L
Tue, Jun 16, 2009 at 9:47 PM Hi Lynne,
That was a call from Jessica that went on too long to call back as she talked until, I got home. I should be back at the latest of 1pm Wednesday from my insurance apt. We need to meet at 6pm instead of 7 for our call. Can you come for the afternoon and evening? Let me know. Ed doesn’t have his class Thur or Friday, but he will be busy working on the new hen house. I have a coaching apt at 12 pm Thur. and am trying to finish the picture I am painting before the weekend. I know we could work in time for us if you feel good about coming. I have something to work on or at least talk about. Hope to see you tomorrow or the next. Love Mary
June 30, 2009 To Whom It May Concern:
Michelle Mottler requested insurance that included maternity coverage. United American doesn’t have a good policy that includes maternity. So I suggested that she get a high deductable major medical and I could sell her a gap policy. This would be the most economical for her. She and her mate were planning to see if she could have a baby even though she was older. She seemed to be determined to find the right doctor to help her get pregnant. In the course of getting a physical she discovered she had a fibroid tumor that was preventing her from getting pregnant and perhaps was the cause of her anemia. Evidently she needs the surgery right away. Sincerely, Mary Hallgren
July
Wednesday, July 1, 2009, 11:24 AM Hello Elleana,
If you need more details regarding a potential Emotionology workshop topic, we’ll be happy to provide them. Mary and I thought you would be in a better position to gauge which topics might have the most appeal for the people on your mailing list. Some of the topics work well as a series of workshops. So one option would be to offer 3-4 as a package.
Although we can run day long or weekend workshops, we suggest limiting these preliminary ones to 2 or 4 hours. In the interest of getting Emotionology out there, we are fairly flexible on the times we can do the workshops that might best work around your schedule. One condition that we are firm about is that all animals must be contained rather than allowed to wander amongst participants. We also decided that the upstairs space would be more appropriate for a workshop setting, however, adequate seating (e.g., a set of stackable chairs) would need to be available. We would need to negotiate how much to charge per person for a workshop. For groups under 10 people, you would receive 25%; between 10-20 people, 30% and more than 20 people, 35%. I look forward to hearing from you. Kind regards, Lynne
Wednesday, July 1, 2009, 11:28 AM Hi
Hope you start feeling better soon. I reached Paul. Of course, he had to have a laugh, too, about the phone.
Ellie didn’t want to talk with me. She was under the impression that you and she would be doing the workshops. I emphasized that at the moment you are very busy and that you and I would be doing Emotionology workshops. She wasn’t near the list of topics, but said she’d look at them when she got home. Hopefully my email will keep the interaction professional without me being obnoxious. love, L.
Wed, Jul 1, 2009 at 3:21 PM Hey Lynne
I straightened out Ellie. She will be calling you. I am not even going to talk with her about the workshops. Just don’t schedule any for July 17- through the next weekend. Any other time will be fine. I did suggest 25% for the first 10, 30% for next 10 and 35%over 20. She agreed. You can be all business with her. Talk to you tonight. Appreciate you a lot. How is your nose? We need to be sure all our surgery is done before you go – mine too. Love Mary
Sat, Jul 4, 2009 at 9:59 AM This is what I sent to Elle
I would like to do a small workshop in July just to see how the space works that you can send to your mailing list. We will send it out to everyone we know too. I can provide a flyer but want to talk to you about topics. It would be the opening of a series that we could do for people. There are two other things to solve before the workshop. As Lynne and I looked at the space upstairs, it seemed that there needed to be chairs instead of mats. The mats would be good for some but not many. I used to have some inexpensive stackable chairs I got from Big Lots that were quite comfortable and would have worked well. However, I can’t find what I did with them, or I would have given them to you. I think if you could purchase something like this for your upstairs, it would be a much more workable space for older people. If you want to get Clearbridge going you have to make it easy for people to use and it needs to be professional and apart from your living quarters. I think the upstairs place would work out quite professionally – better than the downstairs almost within the kitchen. Also, it would be easier to keep the pets out during the workshop. What are your thoughts on this? Mary
Sun, Jul 5, 2009 at 7:56 PM Hi Mary,
My nose is no longer inflamed like it was–just the big scab. Thanks again. Hopefully the place will be smooth once the scab comes off. Do we need to do your other ear before I go?
For someone who thought she was going to be doing workshops with you, Ellie sure doesn’t want to talk about possible topics! Given her reluctance, are you still wanting to try for a workshop in July?
Is it appropriate to talk about Mel’s progress with his mother? I’m thinking if I were Mel, I’d feel it was a breach of confidentiality. Though, given how mixed the communications become, maybe it is appropriate for Ellie to hear your perspective? I’ll be around tomorrow. Love, Lynne
Mon, Jul 6, 2009 at 12:57 PM Re: Keys? Hi Mary,
You’re sounding pretty frazzled. Hope you’re feeling OK and have found your keys.
Are you still planning to go to Michigan next week? Hopefully Ellie will keep the cat as well as the dogs out of the way. At least she has chairs for people to use. Love, Lynne
Thu, July 9, 2009 6:35:42
Subject: Visualization technique to remove toxic energy from yourself. Working with sister-in-law Liz
Removing Toxic Energy
- Visualize the feeling (e.g., anger, depression) as an object (e.g., fireball, heavy rock, etc.). If it is foggy, capture it in a net or
throw a gauze cloth over it. - Set it to the side.
- Go to your safe spot as (sacred) child and center yourself.
- Leave the spot, pick up the object, walk up to a large volcano and throw or roll object into the top of it.
- Watch as something comes back out and lands the ground near you.
- Pick up the object that fell (e.g., a key, gemstone, feather, etc)
- Take the object back to the safe spot and present it to the child and grow the child up to your current age.
Thu, July 9, 2009 6:29:10 PM Subject: Another Health Technique
Taken from Deb Shapiro’s “Your Body Speaks Your Mind” Bring your attention to the area of the body that you want to understand more deeply.
1) What is the function of this part of your body?
2) What is the nature of your difficulty? (e.g., inflammation, stiff, etc.)
3) What tissue structure is involved (soft, hard, fluid)?
4) What side of the body is involved?
5) Which chakra is related to this area?
6) What meaning does this part of your body have for you?
7) How does this part of your body feel inside?
8) What benefits do you gain from this difficulty?
9) Can you imagine yourself being well? If not, what is the obstacle?
10) Ask that part what it needs to be healed and how you can help (i.e., what physical, psychological, emotional steps to take).
====
Explore the following out loud or write in a journal.
Identify the issue or symptom.
Complete the following:
How I see myself is…
How I feel about myself is…
How I feel about my boy is…
How I see my illness is…
I am ready to release…
I am ready to accept…
I surrender…
Fri, Jul 10, 2009 at 9:07 PM Re: Weird? Hi Mary,
Glad we got some of the workshop ready.
Tonight, Patrick called. It is uncanny as he almost always picks up when I’m thinking strongly of him so I’m not surprised that he called, but wish I could unhook this connection between
- Several years ago, I spoke with a woman who said we’d been together in a previous life and that we needed to complete something. I don’t know if I believe this, but I do wonder what keeps the connection when I don’t have any desire to be with him in an intimate relationship. Maybe I need to see him as having the skill to move the picture he has of me to a more distant place? This seems to be a very long learning journey… Love, L.
Fri, Jul 10, 2009 at 9:16 PM
There is nothing wrong with having a connection. If you have a soul connection, you will always feel a connection but that doesn’t mean that you have to be intimate with him. It is just that he misinterprets it to be romantic when it is not. I think men do this more than women. I have a soul connection with my friend Robert, but he still thinks of me romantically even though I don’t. I have been able to get him to realize that I love him in a different way. Patrick probably feels a connection and just doesn’t have any other category to put it in. He has to learn.
Ed just got home, and I just finished working outside. Sprained my thumb but got most of the wire up and the ducks/chickens safe for the night. Will be doing lab work most the weekend along with working on the workshop. Call me if you get a break from the family. Love Mary
Friday, July 17, 2009, 6:00 AM Wow,
What a day. Trying to get the last lab work done before packing to leave and I had to do everything 2 time. Delivered the painting and it is good enough for now. Lisa had been struggling and she will have to just live through this. Her meds seem to be giving her problems and she is having difficulty recovering. I am not good with people who just call up and complain although I understand and have compassion for her situation. Somehow, I sent Ellie the old copy not the edited version, so she messed with it and I thought it ended up being not as good. Just sent her your edited version so hope she can get that out. I will be spending all day trying to get out of here. I think the animals will be fine with Jerry coming over. She has lived on a farm and has known Bruzie for some time and likes birds. must get some sleep. Love Mary
Fri, Jul 17, 2009 at 8:51 AM Hi,
Sounds like you’ve been doing double duty. Hope you can relax and enjoy the trip once you’re on the road and that Jerry manages with all of the fowl.
Too bad about Lisa. I’m very thankful that my niece is doing as well as she is, but she has gone through 3 psychiatrists and 2 psychologists to find ones that work well with her. Also, she has her family as a good support network. There are too many people like Lisa who have limited support. You’re an angel to work as much as you do with her.
Guess we’ll see how many people are interested in the workshop. Ellie seems to sabotage herself so it’s hard to know how well she’ll get the word out.
My other niece, the dog and I just got back from camping along the river in a canyon northwest of FC. It’s a pretty spot though too much road traffic. Love, Lynne
Monday, July 20, 2009, 9:51 AM Hi,
Hope your trip is going smoothly and you’re having fun.
Nothing new on this end. Love, L.
Mon, Jul 20, 2009 at 6:43 PM Re: Travels Hi Lynne,
We (rather Ed) drove all night Friday night and we got in Saturday early evening to spend some time with his folks. His mom seems to have a slight case of Alzheimer’s and his dad spends all his time at his camp. Since he doesn’t care about TV he lets her set at home with nothing to do. Since the tv went digital they can’t get anything on it and he is too cheap to sign up for cable.
Mon, Jul 20, 2009 at 6:43 PM Re: Travels Hi Lynne,
We (rather Ed) drove all night Friday night and we got in Saturday early evening to spend some time with his folks. His mom seems to have a slight case of Alzheimer’s and his dad spends all his time at his camp. Since he doesn’t care about TV he lets her set at home with nothing to do. Since the tv went digital they can’t get anything on it and he is too cheap to sign up for cable. She has not been able to walk well since back surgery over a year ago. I can see that his dad has had a slight stroke. The worst part is that their food is so old and out dated that one is afraid to eat anything they make. We slept at the camp because it was much more peaceful than being at their home where everything is piled up everywhere. She goes shopping and buys stuff she doesn’t even take out of the bags. Their place is a real mess. The camp bed is only about 30 inches wide and just a board. We took turns being cramped to the wall or almost falling out on the floor. We couldn’t sleep so we mixed rum with wine to get to sleep and then Ed got the hickups and couldn’t sleep anyway. Now we are at his brother’s place. We went fishing today and after dinner they went out again. I was happy to sit in bed and catch up on email. Steve’s wife has panic attacks and is on disability now. I am going to try to help her if she will let me.
They have a nice family with a daughter getting her doctorate in physical therapy and an 18 year old son. Their dog is nice to touch so you don’t mind petting him. He is very clean and just a pup. First dog I have wanted to pet for some time. Chews on everything though.
I am very tired so will probably drift off while doing my email. Hope you enjoy the last of your dances here in the states. Might as well see if there is a chance with that guy – you have nothing to lose. Love Mary
Tue, Jul 21, 2009 at 11:16 AM Hi Mary,
Glad to hear you got there OK. Sounds like it would be worth it to find another board so you could expand your uncomfortable sleeping space. Too bad about Ed’s mother. Probably isn’t much money for someone to come in and help them out a day or two a week?
Good luck working with Ed’s sister-in-law. It will be interesting to see if she can get over some of her panic attacks. Has she had them for a long time?
Last night there was an incredible rain storm. The drops came down so hard we thought the windows were going to break. Looking forward to getting together when you get back and before I leave. Love, Lynne
Tue, Jul 21, 2009 at 11:17 PM Hi Lynne,
We have been at Ed’s brother Steve’s place and the bed is great. We didn’t get up until 10:30 this morning. About E’s mother…They dropped in after her doctor’s apt today. She appears to have a big need for sympathy and attention. I can tell that Elder Ed walks on eggs with his boys as he abused them when young and now he is smaller and frail and doesn’t deserve for them to care about him. I talked with Liz (Ed’s sister-in-law) a lot today about it. She confirmed how abusive his dad was. Their dad came up to where Steve worked and told them that when the boys were young, he wanted to drown them like rats. He must have a lot of regrets now. There is a woman that comes in to clean once a week for her but there isn’t much she can do so I think, she just sits and talks with Barb. Probably what she needs anyway. Barb is the ultimate victim and the only attention she gets is pity. If she is pitiful enough her husband might pay attention to her. It is a real sad picture of the negative model results in action.
>Good luck working with Ed’s sister-in-law.
Worked with Liz quite a bit today. Showed her some techniques and she is feeling better. She was much more open to working on it than I thought she would. Did a lot with philosophy. She lives constantly through obligation, doesn’t want to live, and is depressed. I did a lot of explaining about the difference between her life and Steve and Ed’s beginning. She had a very happy childhood and because of that didn’t develop any coping skills or blocks to her mental images. She has to change her expectations of Steve to be sympathetic. She has to choose her own happiness and only do what she wants to do and separate the difference between obligation and responsibility. I know I presented her with a lot of new thinking, and we will see if she is serious about changing her life. After several hours she was laughing a lot instead of being on the verge of tears all the time. She didn’t have panic attacks, It is more like major depression and overwhelming fear/anxiety. If I can do something to start a change with her, my trip here will have been worth it. After the men came home from fishing she took off to the grocery store for a few hours and then came home and I could tell she had been doing a lot of thinking. One never knows how much is really going to take hold but she realized that memories – after she played them as a cartoon or in black and white – didn’t hold her any more. I showed her the way memories are formed (model 1) for her to understand what I was explaining to do with the techniques. It all made sense to her. I think she understands Steve more now. She is real piled up with pity, obligation, and guilt. This is only a beginning.
I heard about the storm yesterday. I guess there was a quite a lot of damage just north of our house and it blew over a glass table breaking it at our house. The animals are all fine though. Jerry who is watching the animals called me tonight.
Well, I guess I need to try to go to sleep. Past midnight here. Love Mary
Wed, Jul 22, 2009 at 11:01 AM Hi Mary,
Glad to hear you have more comfortable sleeping arrangements. Wish I could have been a fly on the wall to watch and hear how you worked with Liz. Sounds like you covered a lot of
ground. It will be interesting to see what she takes away from her time with you. You have a more patient outlook than I do in that you recognize these things take time and that you can only make a start by offering a different way of looking at life. Although I know it often takes me a while to grasp something and really learn it, (it was probably my dad) but when I’m with someone I usually feel a huge amount of pressure to have somehow already supposed to know something or pick it up really quickly. When I work with other people, I have to really work on not having that attitude with them.
Too bad you can’t work with the elder Ed. The way he treated his sons makes you wonder how he was treated as a child. Thank goodness Ed and his brothers were able to buffer each other a tiny bit as it seems to have helped prevent them from being too much like their dad. I wonder if Ed’s mother has always had a victim mentality of if it developed during the course of her marriage with e. Ed.
The other night at the dance I asked this older guy to dance and made an offhand remark about having seen his “better half” earlier in the evening. Whew–did he get upset. Turns out they’ve only been together about 5 years and have no intention of getting married. In fact, they’ve just signed some huge document that essentially says neither has any claim to the other’s estate. I didn’t realize but, according to that guy, CO has some laws that basically say that you don’t even have to live with another person 7 years (traditional common law marriage) for the state to recognize you as being married and responsible for your partner’s financial affairs. I wonder if this is what Richard’s lawyer son might have told him and Richard got it kind of mixed up?? Love, L.
Thu, Jul 23, 2009 at 9:20 AM Hi Lynne,
I have only worked on one memory so far but added some new philosophy that has helped. She had an appointment with her talk therapist where she is going to ask her if she knows EMDR so I am waiting to find out how that works and what happens. I have promised her that when she gets back I will print out some of the techniques for her and teach her those techniques so she can help herself – of course we will be working on her stuff. Glad I brought my computer. But we do have them in email somewhere anyway, don’t we? I also explained some to her husband about what we are doing so he is in agreement. They realize the meds are not good for her.
I started out by explaining that she never developed any buffers to life as she had a happy childhood. Her husband isn’t bothered by anything because his childhood was so bad that he learned to have all these doors to close stuff behind so he doesn’t need to think about it. We will be using the techniques to give her a way to separate herself from her thoughts and a way to process them so they can’t come back.
I think Ed’s mother took on the pity role as it is the only way to get any attention from their dad. I don’t think she originally was that way. She also has a good forgetter and that might be overworking instead of Alzheimer’s disease. Think of it, if you have too many strategies to forget and that is all you use, eventually you could learn to forget everything. The folks are probably too far gone or not able to get the concept at their age.
It could be that Richard was thinking that way about living together. He doesn’t hear well and only hears what he wants to hear so who knows!?
I want to go out to the church Saturday AM where my mother and father are buried to see if I know anyone from my childhood. Otherwise, we will be headed back. Looking forward to getting back to CO. and getting on with life. What have you been up to? See you soon… Love Mary
Thu, Jul 23, 2009 at 12:21 PM Hi Mary,
Fingers crossed that Liz’s talk therapist knows about EMDR. Maybe she could do it on herself by going for a walk and scanning her eyes back and forth across her visual field while holding the problem in her mind? Now that you’ve worked a little with her, would you be able to continue with her on the phone? Speaking of phones, hope Lisa hasn’t been calling too much this week.
Depending on which computer you have, you’ll have all of the modules that we’ve worked on. I know I’ve emailed them to you as zipped files, but that was quite a while ago. Before xmas, Rachel and I went through some exercises in a workbook to help her separate her thoughts.
from herself. One that worked for her was to pretend she was up on a bridge watching a train passing along below. On top of the train were boxes that contained her thoughts. The exercise was to simply watch the train go by and if you found yourself on the train, to then go back up on the bridge and watch the thoughts roll by on the train.
Last night I went to a very small jam session. When I practice by myself, I start to feel I’m making some progress, but when I try to play with others, I get so nervous I have a hard time playing and then get even more critical of myself. Oh, well. At least I still like to play. No other news–just the same old family routine and starting to go through things to get ready to leave in a few weeks.
My mom jokes that she knows more people in the cemetery than she does in town these days. Hope it works for you to make the stop off on your way out back home. Love, L.
Sun, Jul 26, 2009 at 8:28 PM
OK, tried to call you before seeing this and there was no answer so guess you went to the mountains. I will spent the next 2 days catching up and then will have time Wednesday. I feel barely alive right now. Have fun. M
Thu, Jul 23, 2009 at 2:07 PM
Hi Mary,
Here is the testimonial for your web-site. Thanks a million for all the help you have given me.
“Mary has helped me tremendously through the grief process after my sister’s passing and also after my father’s passing. She has a deep insight into people.
Her emotionology techniques are great for quickly solving relationship issues and business building. I would recommend her to anyone. Thanks, Mary, for all
your help over the years!” Lisa Temple, Licensed Acupuncturist
Thursday, July 30, 2009, 11:07 AM Hi Mary,
When you consider how much time and money is wasted on ineffective therapies for people like Liz, it is truly amazing how quickly Emotionology helped her. And what about all the people who can’t afford trying the therapies she has access to? So how could you get Emotionology out to these people? Maybe training more people is the key. Even if it were limited to people who were easy to work with, it could still make a significant difference to a lot of people. It’s interesting that although you haven’t worked directly with either Ed or his brother, all the time you have spent with Ed has given you insights that helped you to work with Liz to see her husband in a different light. Thank goodness both of them liked the changes she made. From what you said about Ed’s mother, e. Ed might not as readily accept major changes in her. Anyway, fingers crossed that both Liz and Lisa have turned the corner and will remain in more stable states.
I wonder if Paul realizes how much he does the “yes, but” routine. He seems to spend so much time analyzing something that there isn’t much room to take on a different perspective as he has already convinced himself that some approach will not work. It will be interesting to see if the next time he goes to clean something if some of your words about changing focus will run through his mind.
Hope all the various fowl are fine. It’s hard to believe that you’ll need to be winterizing soon. Good luck getting your lab moved.
I’m applying for a couple of jobs. Neither sound all that interesting, but (somewhat like Paul) I can’t seem to get myself to consider other options. Besides the actual work, I dread the possibility of having to work with people I don’t like. I’d like to work on this attitude as it sure gets in the way of doing things. Love, Lynne
Thu, Jul 30, 2009 at 5:15 PM Hi Lynne,
Paul likes to use the label of ADD to not have to change. Changing something to a reastate sometimes makes a difference. We will see. He seems to have a big need to be important and needed. Although he seems interested in Emotionology he doesn’t seem to use the techniques for himself. I think he is still caught in the fear of something being wrong with him.
Worked all day on the living room to get it clean and set up for clients. Moved part of the lab and will be working more on that tomorrow. Will you have more time that we can work on the things that you want to before you leave? It seems it is a belief that you have that you wont like who you work with. Are you starting with an assumption that you will have to work with people you don’t like?
Jess is having her baby a week from tomorrow so I will need to head for Texas Friday AM at the latest. If people don’t show up for the workshop, I might leave the night before. It will depend if Ed is going to help drive.
Give me a call in the AM if you have time. Ed has an apt away from the house. Want to visit some more on the phone when we can really talk. Love Mary
August
Liz and I communicated regularly via email once I had visited them in Mich.
Aug 1, 2009 email to Sister-in-law Liz. There is a fine line between being there for someone and being co-dependent because they don’t take care of themselves because they don’t really value themselves. Some people are hard to motivate to take care of themselves. I am trying to figure out how to motivate Ed to do some things he needs to do – like fix this place up, contest the property tax value of his house, and get a health checkup but that is difficult.
I have been trying to get him to get the gas and air hooked up in the barn so I could move the lab out there from the house, but he would never get the urgency of it until I started remodeling a shed in the yard and started moving the lab out there this weekend that he got the picture. Now he wants to get to this. I think he has such baggage with this house because of Connie that he rejects anything. So, I just start doing things myself and then he falls in to help.
They say the most difficult process is getting things done through someone else. There is no control of that other person and motivation comes in 2 forms – either moving “away” strategy like pressure, guilt, obligation, or threat or with some positive choice which is moving “towards” a positive feeling which takes much more creativity when motivating someone else. Ed would do much better if he could get his X Connie off the ownership of this house, but he has given up. I just like to live well wherever I am, so it doesn’t matter to me who owns it – I still want to fix it up and enjoy living here. For me the good feeling that comes with fixing something up is enough.
I am headed out now to get some lumber from Home Depot to fix the floor on the shed. I have lots to do around here after I get that in. I want to get the dining room cleaned out where I have had the lab. It dirties up the whole house. Then I want to tile the kitchen floor and redo the bedroom. I find it works best to inform Ed about my intentions – don’t expect him to do anything and get started because it is fun for me. Then he falls in to doing it himself joking that he has to finish all the projects I have started LOL and save the situation from me not doing a good job. So far, we have remodeled the bathroom and most of the yard is done. Ed is going over to help a friend who is putting in a cement area in the yard and then that friend is going to help him get the gas and water hook up in the barn. It’s all progress. I am hoping to sell some birds today too.
I am a committed person. I stand behind my friends. I don’t give up easily with anyone. It was very hard to leave my first husband who was abusive and positioned myself, so he had to ask for the diverse. My second marriage was only because Paul really wanted to get married and the child, I was expecting I thought was his so made only a commitment for as long as it worked.
I don’t take commitment easily but once done, I don’t leave easily. I moved in with Ed and started spending my money to fix up his house. We had a wonderful first year together. It is hard for me to ask for anything for myself, as I look back, I see how I had to build an outside closet for myself and an outside lab just for a place for me to keep my clothes as he didn’t offer to give me a place in the house when he asked me to move into in the house or in the barn where he had his pool table. I took over the kitchen and remade the bathroom. The bathroom had holes in the floor that we could fall through. Everything needed updating. The porch was falling apart. I remade that. Put a fence around the place etc. I was too busy helping Ed to think of myself. I rented my house out and gave that money to Ed to fix up his place and for us to live on as once I moved in, we had a conversation about his work.
Ed hated his job. He was a cement worker and a great artiest at that but not getting paid what he was worth with the job being too hard on his body. He was very professional in his field. The job was hurting him physically and he hated the people he was working for.
In my world, I only did what I loved. I loved to be a ceramist and help people with their teeth. I loved helping people with the techniques I had learned in NLP (Neurro-Linguistic Programming) and the Emotionology models that I had created. I liked variety and had never stayed in a job I didn’t like. Freedom and happiness was always too important to me. When I shared my view with him, he quit his job. We thought perhaps he could be my salesperson to get more dentists for my lab but he turned out to not be good at that and as long as I was there with an income to pay the bills, he was happy smoking cigarettes in the garage and shooting squirrels off the back porch until he got in trouble with that with the neighbors, or play pool in the barn. He would keep track of how many squirrels he could kill and did about 400 last year.
We were taking care of Ruby at this time. Ed fell in love with her but Franz and Jessica took her away from us and they moved to TX
Aug 1, 2009 email to Sister-in-law Liz. There is a fine line between being there for someone and being co-dependent because they don’t take care of themselves because they don’t really value themselves. Some people are hard to motivate to take care of themselves. I am trying to figure out how to motivate Ed to do some things he needs to do – like fix this place up, contest the property tax value of his house, and get a health check up but that is difficult.
I have been trying to get him to get the gas and air hooked up in the barn so I could move the lab out there from the house but he would never get the urgency of it until I started remodeling a shed in the yard and started moving the lab out there this weekend that he got the picture. Now he wants to get to this. I think he has such baggage with this house because of Connie that he rejects anything. So, I just start doing things myself and then he falls in to help.
They say the most difficult process is get things done through someone else. There is no control of that other person and motivation comes in 2 forms – either moving “away” strategy like pressure, guilt, obligation, or threat or with some positive choice which is moving “towards” a positive feeling which takes much more creativity when motivating someone else. Ed would do much better if he could get his X Connie off the ownership of this house but he has given up. I just like to live well where ever I am so it doesn’t matter to me who owns it – I still want to fix it up and enjoy living here. For me the good feeling that comes with fixing something up is enough.
I am headed out now to get some lumber from Home Depot to fix the floor on the shed. I have lots to do around here after I get that in. I want to get the dining room cleaned out where I have had the lab. It dirties up the whole house. Then I want to tile the kitchen floor and redo the bedroom. I find it works best to inform Ed about my intentions – don’t expect him to do anything and get started because it is fun for me. Then he falls in to doing it himself joking that he has to finish all the projects I have started LOL and save the situation from me not doing a good job. So far we have remodeled the bathroom and most of the yard is done. Ed is going over to help a friend who is putting in a cement area in the yard and then that friend is going t o help him get the gas and water hook up in the barn. It’s all progress. I am hoping to sell some birds today too.
I am a committed person. I stand behind my friends. I don’t give up easily with anyone. It was very hard to leave my first husband who was abusive and positioned myself so he had to ask for the diverse. My second marriage was only because Paul really wanted to get married and the child I was expecting I thought was his so made only a commitment for as long as it worked.
I don’t take commitment easily but once done, I don’t leave easily. I moved in with Ed and started spending my money to fix up his house. We had a wonderful first year together. It is hard for me to ask for anything for myself, as I look back I see how I had to build an outside closet for myself and an outside lab just for a place for me to keep my clothes as he didn’t offer to give me a place in the house or in the barn where he had his pool table. I took over the kitchen and remade the bathroom. The bathroom had holes in the floor that we could fall through. Everything needed updating. The porch was falling apart. I remade that. Put a fence around the place etc. I was too busy helping Ed to think of myself. I rented my house out and gave that money to Ed to fix up his place and for us to live on as once I moved in we had a conversation about his work.
Ed hated his job. He was a cement worker and a great artiest at that but not getting paid what he was worth with the job being too hard on his body. He was very professional in his field. The job was hurting him physically and he hated the people he was working for.
In my world, I only did what I loved. I loved to be a ceramist and help people with their teeth. I loved helping people with the techniques I had learned in NLP (Neurro-Linguistic Programming) and the Emotionology models that I had created. I liked variety and had never stayed in a job I didn’t like. Freedom and happiness was too important to me. When I shared my view with him, he quit his job in 2009. We thought perhaps he could be my sales person to get more dentists for my lab but he turned out to not be good at that and as long as I was there with an income to pay the bills, he was happy smoking cigarettes in the garage and shooting squirrels off the back porch until he got in trouble with that with the neighbors, or play pool in the barn. He would keep track of how many he could kill and did about 400 one that year.
Monday, August 3, 2009, 4:45 PM
hi there. i’m feeling good. hate to type on this laptop. my fingers are too big. 🙂 i keep wondering when the depressed feelings will come back but they haven’t. i’ve been able to use some techniques when i get anxious.
lauren was home for weekend. what a mess. it’s like her room has no floor, the bathroom has no free space. she brought home all her washing, *L*, and washed for two days. she was fun though, they biked 23 miles each day. she ran one of the days she biked too. otherwise she just studied.
Sam’s birthday is today. he’s 18 yrs old. i’m supposed to be frosting his cake. hugs, me hugs for ed too *Liz*
Mon, Aug 3, 2009 at 4:53 PM Hi Liz
Ed said to tell Sam “Happy Birthday”. Glad you are having fun with the kids there.
The feelings CANT come back the same way once you fix the memories. If anything comes back it would be something you didn’t include working on yet.
Ed and I are taking it easy today. It is rainy and don’t feel like doing anything. I have cut the rose bushes though. The house is going to take a overhaul as I have just been working outside. LOL. I would prefer to be outside. Hugs, Mary
Tue, Aug 4, 2009 at 6:55 AM
did you enjoy your lazy day yesterday? hope so. i tried going up on wellbutrin xl to 450 mg from 300 mg like the dr wanted. it’s the 2nd increase in 4 months. i couldn’t do it. i react to it – itching all over. it’s nuts. i’ve ripped off skin scratching. i backed off right away so i’m not doing it, too bad for shrink and psychologist. i’m not sleeping either. i thought i would last night but no luck. i feel good though even when i don’t sleep. before i used to cry alot without any sleep.
Did u get your lab moved out of house? get ed on it *L*. steve is trying to talk parents into buying car under cluncker law. my brother qualified with his old truck and bought new toyota. steve bosses them around along with everybody else.
He has to get back to carol. she and her family want to come to visit. we have company next week with the family wedding. all my family will be in for the wedding. it’s always so much fun with all the kids here. they are 31, 30, 29, 28, 27, 25, 24 and 18. the last two are mine.
Sam’s friend bought their golden lab over to play couple nights ago. i was in fear for my gardens. they were running like beasts in the dark. *L* the dogs were all over my feet even sitting down. ruffles minds better than tripp but they were a blast to watch.
I’m thinking of returning to work in two weeks. nobody knows that though. i am just starting to feel good and wants a couple weeks to do stuff around here. *L* it’ll be nice to go back to work with 4 weeks vacation. 🙂 gotta run. hugs, love, me Liz
Tue, Aug 4, 2009 at 3:04 PM Hi,
Hope you’ve been able to get your lab finished like you want it.
Is there a definite yes or no for Thursday’s workshop, yet?
I’ll be around Weds morning but have to get a filling replaced in the afternoon. If I don’t catch up with you before, will try to be at your place by 10:30 or so on Thursday. Love, L.
Tue, Aug 4, 2009 at 10:40 PM
Left her a message asking if anyone signed up. My guess is we are not. I am taking Cynthia to the Drs at 8:30 AM. Will be just sitting around. Call me when you are up. Mary
CLEARBRIDGE HEALING INSTITUTE presents
The Art of Being Heard
A mini Communication Workshop by Mary Hallgren
Thursday August 6, 2009
1-849 W. 85th Place, Arvada, CO 80005
Space limited to 30 individuals $25 if registered before July 31 or $30 at the door.
Contact: CHI, 720-524-7450 or email [email protected]
Learn leading edge tools and techniques to resolve relationship issues, remove conflicts, be truly authentic, restart romance, and deal with your teens. Two different models of communication make it easy to evaluate relationships, understand and stop drama.
Do you feel like you are walking on eggs with someone?
Instead of complaining about your kids, would you like to know something constructive that you can do?
Would you like to know how to stop the arguing?
Want a way to stop the emotional roller coaster?
Learn the keys to good effective communication.
Mary Nestle-Hallgren is the founder and developer of Emotionology. She has 30 years experience as a consultant and business coach. She has been a member of the National Speaker’s Association, was listed in Who’s Who in Professional Speaking and had her own TV show, “Change Your Mind, Change Your Life”. She received a BA in Business and Organizational Development from Union Institute, an MBA from the University of Phoenix, a PhD ABD from Capella University and was one of the first people to receive an MCC designation from ICF (International Coach Federation).
Hallgren has devoted many years to synthesizing Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and other methodologies into a reliable method for creating lasting personal change and culture change in business systems. Along the way, Hallgren developed a model for a ‘constructive positive system’. The desire to make this work more widely available resulted in the publishing of her first book Emotionology- How To Improve Your EQ (1996). Emotinology uses models that explain how and why techniques and processes work that combine with a working philosophy serve as the framework for Emotionology coaching (http://www.emotionology.org).
Fri, Aug 7, 2009 at 12:31 AM Hi Cyn,
It wasn’t my concern – it was Daylan that said that. How are you feeling? Hope the treatment worked for you. We are leaving in a few hours for Texas and back Sunday. Looking forward to the 19th. See ya, Mary
Fri, Aug 7, 2009 at 9:27 PM
Hey Liz, We arrived about 7:30 pm to my son Franz house to put out the dogs and feed the baby birds I brought with me. We were going to head to the hospital but Franz called and said Jess was having a reaction to some meds and to come in the AM. The baby seems fine and the pic that Franz sent looks cute. This is a very depressed place. Almost didn’t make it here as we couldn’t find gas along the way. Most of the stations were closed. Ed drove all the way – he thinks that is his job LOL. My daughter Marcie and her girls will be coming in tomorrow night and we plan to leave after we see them and get back Sunday. This is a dry county and it was funny seeing Ed when he wanted to relax and discovered there wasn’t any booze around and we had to drive 15 miles to get any.
Looking forward to talking with you when we can actually work on something. I didn’t get a chance to show you the anxiety destroyer, so we need to do that soon. Must get to bed..M
Sun, Aug 9, 2009 at 1:06 PM
This message was sent using the Picture and Video Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!
Tue, Aug 11, 2009 at 10:03 PM Hi Liz,
I think it was Sunday Ed called Steve and wanted me to talk but I had drank lots of coffee and was trying to get things done and didn’t want to talk. Moved the lab out and cleaned up the house. It has been a crazy time here with all the traveling. Made that trip all the way to Texas for 2 reasons – see the baby and bring back the cat but lost it Sunday morning – go figure. Sometimes life is just nuts.
Yes – it is probably the Wellbutran that is making you itch. Did you want to take it for energy? – Take a nap instead. Life always has it’s ups and downs in energy and we just have to go with the flow.
Sounds like an exciting time there with company and all. Glad you have a few more weeks to adjust and enjoy the summer. Tell Steve Hi and sorry I wasn’t very talkative when he was on the phone. Ed says Hi. I’m pooped today too…Be well, Mary
Tue, Aug 11, 2009 at 9:04 PM
Hi there, just read your note. sounds like it was a busy two days. did you enjoy it all? it’s nice to come home to quiet house too.
We have wedding this weekend. my sister is sending me a dress and jacket she made for me to wear. 🙂 hope it fits. family is coming in friday a.m. i’m excited to see everybody.
We’ve been busy around the house and yard. flowers are beautiful. i tied up a bunch of phloxes and sedum that was falling over. it was good to work outside tonight. mosquitoes drove me in the house.
Went to visit nephew, john paul, in jail yesterday. it was an experience. didnt talk to much about why he was there just gabbed about this and that. i went with his girlfriend, ashley. he’s going to be there until end of nov, if he’s lucky. it didn’t bother me nearly as much as i thought. we’re still writing letters back and forth. i put in my two cents. *L*
Am tired and not taking any wellbutrin, no energy though. i took some today and broke out scratching all over again. it’s been a struggle not to itch. it’s got to be the wellbutrin i’m reacting too. hartford called today and is extending my accident & sickness benefits. *L* apparently they got their information from shrink. the insurance called to tell me that, although nothing was in report about my reaction to wellbutrin. go figure. 🙂
Better send this before i fall asleep, miss you, might go raspberry picking tomorrow. will be thinking of you in the patch. 🙂 say hey to ed, me Liz
Fri, Aug 14, 2009 at 10:57 PM Ruby
Sat, Aug 15, 2009 at 10:03 PM Hi Lynne,
Miki will be having her surgery Tuesday AM. I am thinking of driving there for a visit. Will have to see how things go. Just got the message that she arrived in AR OK.
Jess is better and has sent a few pictures of Ruby. Looks like a normal baby.
Lisa has been having a hard time the last few days. She over reacts to almost everything. She is starved for friendship which I don’t have time for. I might try to see her in person this next week.
If you are waking up to nature sounds you must be out in the country? You said a town – it must be small. That’s the upside – the rats and mice are the down side. Rat poop might motivate you to get rid of stuff you don’t need as it will get eaten anyway. What was the friends bad investment? Do they work or have a business? Good that you can see the positive for you.
Men have an upside and a down side too. I would rather have been out in my little shed watching my movies and doing lab work tonight than laying in bed watching tv with Ed. Men always want you right there keeping them company. I get bored easily and unless I have had something to drink, it is hard for me to settle down and do nothing. He has fallen asleep now and I am not in the mood to go back out so email fills the space. We went for a walk earlier to look at that beautifully landscaped house a few blocks away and met the owner. It is the most beautiful place I have ever seen. Don’t know how one person can keep that up. I enclosed some pictures of it in this email. Evidently the old guy there lives with 2 cats.
Forrest didn’t end up being that hard to work with. It was a matter of explaining what I saw and what I wanted him to do. When one is very clear that no crap will be tolerated, he easily complies – more like obeys. He realizes that he has overspent all his money and made some really stupid decisions and cannot help Ellie any more. She is more hanging on to him and does not see how he has actually not been good for her. Both of them started out trying to use me for their agenda – telling their story and trying to get me on their side to make something happen with Mel and see their point of view. What I have learned lately in how to explain what I do helped with both of them. I will have a session with Mel sometime Tuesday so by then I will have some feedback as to results.
Ed doesn’t want to kill Winnie – it is hard as he is the most beautiful bird and we were so sure it was a hen. I want to keep all her feathers when we do have to do it. He isn’t a mean rooster and quite quiet so maybe we will be able to keep him – at least for a while. I put the other 2 roosters that I got from Pat in with the white chickens to fatten them up and keep them from fighting with Winnie.
I have downloaded Skype on the other computer. Will do it on others if that works for us to communicate that way. Let me know if you need any materials or Emotionology stuff or input.
Worked with Erin after our Wednesday night call. She had really gotten off track but fixed a lot of things and is feeling better. So much of it was tied to her mother – images of her mother. Our memory of our parents and how they viewed life can really affect how we think so it is important to edit all those memories to not have it affect us. Think I will call it a night, Love Mary
Sun, Aug 16, 2009 at 5:09 AM Hi Mary,
Do Miki and Marcie get along well? How long will Miki stay there after the surgery? My younger sister had a large, fibrous tumor removed a year ago or so. It took more than a month for her to stop bleeding but seems fine now.
I’m not sure Lisa knows how to be a friend. She built up that huge mailing list and interacted with several people, but doesn’t seem to be able to maintain relationships. Can you work with her on developing friendships so she doesn’t depend so much on you?
We planted a bunch of gladiolas this morning. I knew my friend’s (Ruth) mother had been in and out of mental institutions much of her adult life, but only found out this trip that she’d been diagnosed as bipolar. I don’t think Ruth knew this until fairly recently, either. We also talked about her husband. He has a nephew who has Aspergers. Ruth thinks her husband may have it, too. When she said this, a lot of his behavior makes sense in that context so she may well be correct. A couple of years ago he took out a huge loan to buy two properties in another state, believing all the hype that he’d make lots of money. Unfortunately, the bottom fell out. They managed to sell the properties at a huge loss and still have $9000 or so to pay off. Yes, they live about 7 miles out of a town of about 25,000. They have 100 acres. Usually there are mobs of kangaroos bounding about, but haven’t seen any so far this time. I think a possum chose my storage room for its sleeping area as there were several fruit pits along with poop. This afternoon I managed to get through a few more boxes and get together what I want to take with me to Canberra (about 300,000 people). I can’t be bothered to go through the rest of the things now.
Not all men care if you’re right there keeping them company. Compared with the men I’ve been around; Ed is definitely on the extreme end of things. Luckily school starts in again for him before too long.
Hopefully by working with all three (Ellie, Forrest, Mel), their situation will improve–or at least something major will shift for Mel.
I don’t remember Erin talking much about her mother. It will be interesting to see how clearing up some old memories will allow her to move on.
Thanks for the go ahead to develop something with Emotionology. At this point I don’t know if it will be an acceptable project or not, but if it is, it seems like a good opportunity to get some of the modules cleaned up and ready to go for workshops. Love, Lynne
Sun, Aug 16, 2009 at 8:16 AM Hi Lynne,
When Miki and Marcie were very young, I didn’t know it then, but Miki beat up on Marcie. I think she was jealous of her younger sister but now they are very good friends. She will stay there for 2 weeks They think if the tumor was in there a long time it may have disrupted many of her other organs and it is hard to know how bad it is until they get in there. Do you know why your sister had difficulty stopping bleeding? If that was a year ago, was her girlfriend with her then? Good she is fine now.
> > I’m not sure Lisa knows how to be a friend. She built up that huge mailing list and interacted with several people, >but doesn’t seem to be able to maintain relationships. Can >you work with her on developing friendships so she doesn’t>depend so much on you?
Lisa has a few friends that she has stayed in touch with and are there for her on a limited basis. Most people don’t understand and are judge mental or she believes they are. It is Boulder and as she has related the events, most people judge her life and she is afraid people think she is crazy. Some were mad at her for not being there for them and not getting in touch. She is gradually contacting old contacts but it is obvious that people were attracted to her when she was “up” and a resource to them and are not capable of being there for her. I don’t think it is her – most people are not capable of being non-judge mental, understanding, patient, and or really care. People are busy with their own lives and so much happens to everyone – who really has time to pay much attention to others unless it is family. She isn’t a friend to me as we don’t relate in that way and I don’t enjoy her and if you are looking from the old system, I don’t need her she just needs me. There is such a fine line in the need category for friendship in the two models. Two people might need each other in some ways and still be in the positive model but what is different is that those two people are capable of being true friends, have skills to be capable of being true friends and their relationship is based on sharing. They can be away for a long time and reconnect and still be non-judgmental true friends. Ed is a friend that in most cases could be a true friend and has been s..t on and gets bitter. He would be there for me completely but It is supported by my ability to communicate and work on my stuff. I think he loves me because he feels loved. If it turned sour, he would probably be an extreme in the other way. He would be too hurt and disillusioned to be any other way. Yes, I am glad he is getting back to school soon. He did a big job for a friend which took up several days of his time and his friend will help getting heat in the barn and the furnace set up so that was a trade. His other friend Jasen is buying the truck. I am still occasionally having difficulty with Ed drinking too much to be fun for me. If circumstances prevent food from being cooked and he has a few drinks he gets overly affectionate, wants all my attention, and annoying. Everyone has something to deal with. He is good in many different ways though and I still feel we are good together.
I looked up Aspergers and can’t seem to get a clear handle on behaviors that could be diagnosed. Awkwardness is a common thing that doesn’t mean illness. Insecure people might be too caught up in looking at themselves to pick up cues. Can you share more light on this? what was her husbands behavior that made her think he had that? A lot of people are nieve about financial deals and make bad judgments.
>I don’t remember Erin talking much about her mother. It will be interesting to see how clearing up some old memories will allow her to move on.
Erin was strongly feeling some feelings that were interfering with her happiness – some pity and lots of lack of love. When she moved that part out in front of her, it was an image of her mother and her mother’s life. Think something that happened triggered something similar in her life. When we worked on her memories of her mother it corrected the feeling.
I will be interested in seeing what you come up with to use for a project. Today I want to clean the house and finish some lab work. Love Mary
Mon, Aug 17, 2009 at 1:05 AM Hi Mary,
My sister had a large tumor, too. I’m not sure why it took so long to stop bleeding. I think she ended up having to go back in to the hospital. I think tumors can have lots of arteries and veins going into them to feed them and if these don’t get closed off, they’ll keep bleeding? Yes the girlfriend was still there… my sister asked my mother to come and stay with her during recovery and the girlfriend was extremely rude to my mother and most unhelpful to my sister.
Glad to hear Miki and Marcie get along now as it will aid Miki’s healing. Hopefully all goes well and there aren’t any complications with other organs.
Yes, I’ve also noticed that when things aren’t going so well for someone, it isn’t unusual for their “friends” to make themselves scarce. It is a fine line as people generally don’t want to be around people who are down and many are scared by mental illness. It isn’t much fun being around someone who has no grounding in reality. It takes extra resources to make yourself available to people in such circumstances. As long as you’re not getting sucked dry, you’re an angel for taking as much time as you do with Lisa. And, it’s great that she is starting to build up other relationships. After as many times as she’s fallen off the deep end, at least she knows the ropes. Although it’s obvious she doesn’t do it deliberately/consciously, it still makes you wonder how she happened to come in to life for the particular experiences she has endured.
Sounds like you’ll have a cosy place in the barn if you need it this winter. Considering how much Ed has changed since you met him, seems like chances are good that he’ll continue evolving. Seems like you’ve learned quite a bit by being with him, too.
Here is a summary of asperger’s from NIH: ======
Asperger’s syndrome (AS) is an autism spectrum disorder. It is milder than autism but shares some of its symptoms. It is more common in boys than girls.
An obsessive interest in a single subject is a major symptom of AS. Some children with AS have become experts on dinosaurs, makes and models of cars, even objects as seemingly odd as vacuum cleaners. Their expertise, high level of vocabulary and formal speech patterns make them seem like little professors.
Children with AS have trouble reading social cues and recognizing other people’s feelings. They may have strange movements or mannerisms. All of these make it difficult for them to make friends. Problems with motor skills are also common in children with AS. They may be late learning to ride a bike or catch a ball, for example. Treatment focuses on the three main symptoms: poor communication skills, obsessive or repetitive routines, and physical clumsiness.
========
Ruth’s husband is physically coordinated, but is severely lacking in reading social cues and dealing with social dynamics. He is generally pretty oblivious to other people’s feelings. He is quite rigid in his routines, is obsessed with collecting ants. He quite happily launches into monologues, but struggles with even the concept of a conversation.
Ruth and I have talked a lot since I’ve arrived about her frustrations of living with her husband. I’ve been working in some of the philosophy of Emotionology and hopefully planting some seeds for her.
Had lunch with Patrick today. Despite feeling kind of anxious before hand, everything went fine. However, I’m still glad to be heading south tomorrow. I might not have email contact for a couple of days, depending on how long I take to get there. Love, Lynne
Mon, Aug 17, 2009 at 4:05 AM Hi Lynne,
I suppose one has to have experienced AS personally to really get a picture of the disorder or it sounds like a combination of people or not so bad of a problem to make a big diagnosis of it. Would like to work with someone like that to really get some firsthand experience with that kind of person. Other people have problems that seem worse to me that don’t have a diagnosis. Take Dr Meyer for instance… I listened to her employees talk about her and this is what I got. They almost have to demand a check from her or they might not get paid. All her materials come in COD because she won’t pay for things or procrastinates in writing a check. They CASH her check for fear it might bounce. They advised me to do that. Bottom line – she can’t manage money. Other problems are that she can’t produce in the office. She spends all her time talking to patients, she is always late to work, can’t keep a schedule, drives them all nuts because she takes so long with each patient that they can’t keep a schedule. She sounds a little like Paul even though she complained about him. She can’t take a good impression on a patient. Both Paul and I gave up on her ever learning this so I convinced her to give the job to her assistant. She is also not good at even cutting the teeth down. She really can’t do the technical stuff. She should have been a psychologist so she didn’t have to produce. I am a bit frustrated with this dentist as she owes me some money and now that she is out for a few weeks after having a baby, I can’t collect. When she gets back, I will have to not give her any crowns back until she gives me a check.
I left to pick up a table unit from Cyn tonight while Ed was cooking dinner. While I was gone he decided to kill the 2 roosters that Pat gave me as they were causing trouble in the pen. What a mess. Blood was everywhere. I am going to have to re-think how we butcher these meat chickens. At least they are much more clean since I read that you are supposed to put down wood chips for them instead of straw. I have come to think that farming chickens is mostly fly management. I will be glad when we get rid of all of these. Lessons learned.
I think Ed and I have slipped into role reversal. I am the one that is making the money to pay the bills. He will be back in school soon but has not found a job for the weeks he is off. I understand that jobs are difficult to find right now but there should be something. He is focusing on getting things done around here while he is off but it is not enough. I see a past situation repeating itself and need to figure out what I am trying to learn. In my first marriage I was a house wife with the 2 girls until they were about 3 & 4 and then Mike came home and said we didn’t have enough money to pay the bills. He was not a good money manager. I started businesses and quickly found a business that made a lot of money. Assuming he would continue to do his share, I didn’t watch where the money went and let him manage it. Eventually I paid all the bills and he spent his money on his car. My making money allowed me to gain self-esteem and independence and finally leave him. The situation is different here in that I manage the money but I think Ed thinks it is enough for him to cook dinner. The lab business is supposed to be a joint effort but his part can only be pick up and delivery. That is not enough and tomorrow I will have to talk to him about this. Why is it that people don’t seem to stay productive when they don’t HAVE to work? I like to work and would be bored to death. What am I trying to learn here? Do I have to take it to an ultimatum before something changes? What is wrong with this picture? I may have to think of some other options for places to live. Could move back to my place if I want to.
Nice you got to see Patrick. How do you feel about him now that you see him again? Sounds like you had a nice time and he didn’t bug you too much. Does he seem like he can be a friend now? Are you able to talk with him freely? Are you looking at him differently than you were recently? What made you nervous before hand? Were you anticipating that he would put the make on you? Just curious.
I am awake early as I didn’t want to eat much of the dinner last night. I tried to hide it and slipped the pork chop back into the pan. We have trouble with the oven in that it won’t heat up and dinner took an extra 2 hrs to cook. I was having some wine waiting for it and drank too much so by the time dinner was ready I didn’t want to eat so late. Don’t like the extra weight I have put on.
Hans was here today. He came to visit his friend Shala where he is going to stay when he quits this job. He gave his notice at his job and is planning to move back to Denver. Miki and I are going to teach him how to do what we do so he can get a job with that somewhere. He could learn this easily as he is so young and artistic. Then he could go to some other area and work. There are a few job opportunities here but the pay would be better in California. I was trying to explain to him that the pay is only good if you are very good at what you do and can negotiate a good pay. Negotiation is a skill that everyone needs to learn.
Well, it is 4am and I am wide awake. I hate that when I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t sleep. Hope you enjoy the class you are about to take. Love Mary
Wed, Aug 19, 2009 at 12:21 AM Hi,
I talked to Ed just enough to let him know how I felt. I also did some work on past memories and looked at how I got in that situation in my first marriage. He is now planning on going to work and limiting his perhaps going to school part time. I think he will feel better about himself if he is making part of the money. After working with others I decided that I might too be addicted to taking care of people. It is difficult to fix especially if you value others more than money. It is too easy to look through other people’s eyes and take their point of view. I told him that he wasn’t very good at using his time effectively at home when he wasn’t working. I told him that it seemed that others only worked if they have to whereas I work because I want to. I have a habit of being too generous and responding too quickly to give what I have away. He didn’t say much for a couple of days but today said he had a job lined up for next week and was looking forward to going back to work and might have to limit his school to 3 days a week. I also told him that I had been in this situation before as when I was first married, I became the bread winner and that allowed me the freedom to leave and make a new life. He needs to work so we can be equal. Whatever said, It lit a fire under him.
When I looked back on my life it all started in my first marriage. When asked to help meet the bills I discovered that I was good at making money. That was a good thing but I didn’t realize what a bad money manager my husband was and so left the management of our money to him. I was doing so well that it was fun for me to walk around with $1000 in my pocket and I spent money like water. He was happy to spend it to and only spent his money on his car. I ended up supporting us until I left. I can see many places where I easily gave up what I had earned to rescue or give to others. I made money but didn’t include it in my values. Helping people was more important to me. That was good in some ways but bad in others. I gave because I could and wanted to. I had all the fun as I had the joy of giving. I didn’t consider how people felt who were in need that I gave to. I felt joyous but I am sure they had many feelings because they had to accept.
With Emotionology we help people help themselves. That is a better way of giving. Giving financial support doesn’t teach anybody anything except that they are in need and can’t take care of themselves. I have to help family only as much as I would with a stranger and not be so ready to give.
Miki made it through surgery fine. That happened today. They hope she can go home tomorrow night she she won’t be charged another hospital day. There were 2 tumors. One was almost the size of a basketball and the other one was slightly smaller than a soft ball. She is lucky she didn’t need a transfusion. She has a flat tummy now. They were very fast growing. I am glad it is over and look forward to her recovering and starting a new life.
I have discovered with the angel that if I ask if something will happen in the future I don’t get good answers. If I ask if something is likely to happen I get a better answer. You could try that with your dowsing. See if the answer is different.
Getting tired and have to go to sleep. You are probably on your next travel to the city. Love, Mary
Wednesday, August 19, 2009, 5:18 PM
I realize what my problem is in giving too much. With people I love when they state a problem (like when Ed said something about him needing new shoes) I right away jump in and want to take care of the situation or help solve it for them. So I might say, “Let’s go buy some shoes” and I am thinking that money is not important and actually, I would give everything I have for those I > love. It is like I only look from their point of view. I forget about taking care of me. But if another friend or someone else would say the same thing I would still be in 1st person and just encourage them to take care of themselves. That is how I create financial dependence in close relationships. That’s why it is co-dependent. When I am only thinking of them, I make them dependent on me, and there is no longer anyone thinking about me or taking care of me so I am dependent on someone else watching out for me – ie, co-dependence.
Wed, Aug 19, 2009 at 5:56 AM Hi Mary,
Glad to hear Miki’s surgery went well. Hope she is able to go home as planned and recovers quickly.
My understanding of Aspergers is that it is on a continuum with add/add on one side and autism on the other. Depending on how intelligent the person is, they can more or less get by in the world. If they’re smart enough, e.g., they can do really well in a detailed technical area like I.T. where they don’t have to interact much with people. For the person with at least average intelligence, they probably have most problems in their personal relationships providing they can get into a job that doesn’t require much in the way of personal skills.
I wonder what prompted Dr Meyer to become a dentist rather than a psychologist or something similar. What are the advantages of doing work for her if it is so difficult to get paid? Is it worth doing a situation repair? You may have be sure her check clears rather than just receive one if the circumstances are as bad as they sound. What will you put in the pen once all the meat chickens are butchered?
Hope things work out well for Hans. If he does learn the dental lab work, he’ll have another tool to add to his kit and be able to do more of a variety of work. Sounds like being with Ed has put some of your earlier experiences into a bigger context. The other day when we were talking about the difficulties of using Ellie’s space, you mentioned something about how when you go into something with another person it is about both of your journeys. So, it makes sense that what is happening now with Ed has to do with something more than just Ed. You’ve learned a lot in being with him, including clarifying how to present Emotionology and its philosophy. From early on you have emphasized that it is about helping people to help themselves, but now you seem to have more of a conviction of why that is essential for your own well being as well as for the benefit of the other person. Fortunately Ed usually seems to take on board what you have to say to him so it will be interesting to see how he runs with this most recent development. How are you feeling with all that has been happening lately?
Patrick can be incredibly moody and non communicative at times. He hasn’t been feeling very well and it was difficult even setting up a time to meet so I was dreading having to sit with a moody person or not even have him show up. Luckily his charming self put in an appearance and we could talk about non controversial topics. When he is like that, I’m happy to have him as a friend, when he is the other way, I’m really relieved I no longer live with him.
Although it was good to see Ruth, I was also glad to get packed up and on the road. It is hard to have time to myself at their place. I camped last night. In Armidale, there are still hard frosts so I was glad I’d dropped in elevation enough to avoid one. I took some smaller roads I hadn’t traveled before and enjoyed the scenery. Need to get to bed now so I can get up early for my class. Cordelia wasn’t sure I could use Emotionology as the topic for my project, but I’d still like to try. She thinks it might have to be more workplace oriented. Love, Lynne
Wed, Aug 19, 2009 at 8:01 AM Hi Lynne,
Emotionology works well in the workplace. Remember I did the seminar for the Justice Dept? Anyway, it might be a great place to streamline the material just for the workplace. The language has to change some. I could get real excited about that. After all, our mental computers don’t just work or not work at home. Good mental computers make work life go better too. Another reason Emotionology is so important is that medical insurance doesn’t want to pay for mental issues. But it is also our mind that keeps our bodies healthy. Just a quick note as I have to get on with today but will catch up with you later today when I have time to think. maybe I can come up with more ideas of how you could present it for the workplace setting. Love Mary
Thu, Aug 20, 2009 at 8:53 AM
I am working with a kid and his family and it is a big job trying to get across the changes necessary to help him get out on his own. I realized that some of the issues are things I have learned and should have learned differently sooner to not create problems in the past so want to pass this on to you in case it might clarify some things. Raising children is not easy. Each generation learns different things or has different aspects of the past that cause difficulties in their life. It is only by examining the ideas and thinking behind behavior that helps to make a difference. Mary
Subject: Co-dependency
We all struggle with this issue. I have an example that might make sense to you.
One problem is in giving too much.
With people I love when they state a problem (like when Ed said something about him needing to buy new shoes) I right away jump in and want to take care of the situation or help solve it for him. So I might say, “Let’s go buy some shoes” and I am thinking that money is not important and actually, I would give everything I have for those I love. It is like when someone I love is in need, I jump into their point of view (and only look from their point of view) at their need assuming they don’t have the means to help themselves. It triggers the desire to give. I forget about taking care of me. But if someone else I don’t know so well would say the same thing I would stay in 1st person and just encourage them to take care of themselves or ask them what kind they were thinking of getting assuming they have the means to take care of their needs or at least, it is their lesson to get the money. That is how I can create financial dependence in close relationships. That’s why it is co-dependent. When I am only thinking of them, I make them dependent on me, and there is no longer anyone thinking about me or taking care of me so I am dependent on someone else watching out for me – ie, co-dependence. I would go without to care for those I love. It doesn’t feel like sacrificing but it really is if you give away your good which is something that is supposed to be there for you. It is also confusing for the other person because I am acting like money is no object when it really is or would be in other situations. This is a case of loving too much but there can be other reasons that someone is co-dependent and gives too much.
They can be dependent on being needed, they might want the great feeling of being able to give that is so wonderful that it becomes an addiction, the person may want to feel important or useful, or the person needs to feel they have some value. For some people it is the only way they know they are worthwhile or that life is worth living if they take care of someone. Sometimes people are needy and they take care of others so that they can count on someone being there for them – which doesn’t happen. With this kind of giving there is an assumption that other people are just as giving and feel the same towards you or have the same values. And when life proves it different a person may feel confused and betrayed. Anytime you can look back and see that some helpful action turned into a sacrifice, it was a co-dependent action even if it was something you wanted to do.
Sacrificing puts you at risk and is not taking care of yourself so you might have to be taken care of by someone else – that is why sacrificing is part of the co-dependent issue. When we care-take or give too much we teach others to be dependent and takers not givers and they don’t respect others who are self-caring and might call them selfish if they don’t give. Through your actions and you have set a bad example for how they should show their love. Givers attract and create takers.
Usually givers say “money doesn’t mean anything to me”. That is true only with people you really care about because it certainly means something if you don’t care about someone or if you are lacking money. Often givers give too much and later complain that they don’t have it when they realize the money is gone and no one gives back. What we really mean is that people we care about are more important than money. Money has a shifting value. When we don’t value it we are not focused on taking care of it. When we don’t have it we value it and then are willing to work for it.
Another way to look at the issue. A family system operates in a certain way. There are rules and expectations. An interdependent family system everyone participates and does what ever they can to help the family and find joy in one person getting an abundance. There is a rational thinking of abundance and a joy in working. Parents gradually turn children out on their own and help them become independent. The couple is together for the purpose of sharing joy and life together rather than out of need. If both people could survive on their own but choose to be together, they are together for different reasons than need. It is a choice. There is a thin line here and a relationship of need can easily become the determining factor of being together. If two people are together because of need then need replaces love. A person’s thinking determines their actions. Many people don’t understand love only need. If life is about need not love than it easily becomes a co-dependent relationship. Each person “needs” the other and the relationship is just a trade with each one looking to the other to fill their needs. That is how love is demonstrated. The result is that It becomes a relationship of desperation and survival.
In co-dependent family groups that have issues around money one can get a better picture of the situation if the idea of money is replaced with oxygen and the family exists in an enclosed balloon with a limited supply of oxygen. No one realizes they can be the source of their own supply of oxygen. So all the rules are set as if the small supply in the balloon is all there is and if anyone has more than anyone else they are being stingy if they don’t give it to the rest of the group. The situation becomes desperate to survive. There is no sense of abundance.
Sometimes one person takes care of everyone else’s needs or thinks they do. So one person supplies all the oxygen. No one looks to produce their own supply if they can get it from someone else. A child is afraid to leave the family because he/she has never been taught the joy of taking care of themselves. If the family is short on money/oxygen, and one person gets some extra money, they are obligated to give it up. Need dictates everything. Because any extra has to be shared there is no advantage or motivation to doing anything extra or to getting any extra work or working extra hard because they would have to pay bills with it that they normally wouldn’t have to worry about. If they see themselves as always having a limited supply of air then is is always about survival and it is more important to learn to keep what you have than think about looking or working for more.
The thing is that children have to be taught to WANT to be independent both through example and action. If you support yourself in a way that doesn’t make sense to your kid and you complain about having to work, he will NOT want to go to work. If you teach him that if he has a small amount of money that he owes others for what they have done for him in the past you teach him lessons of obligation not responsibility and everything is a trade.
You can’t just push a kid out on his own if you have given him the thinking of dependence, neediness, lack, and excess. He has to think in a different way first and he needs to see this in action at home. If you love your work it isn’t like working and everything in life is fun. He has to know how much fun it is to take care of himself — that there is a joy to independence and life can be about fun – even responsibility is fun. He will need to learn about abundance (which is not about excess) but a way of thinking like knowing there is air outside the balloon. One just has to choose to be their own supply. It is a whole paradigm of thinking that is different than feeling like your supply is cut off. It takes editing your thinking from the past which generates lack and present behaviors. It takes changes of behavior from that which is centered around complaining, yelling, pressuring, or care taking. Where you are now is the result of past actions and thinking. As much as what you did at the time was for others or came from good intentions, the result is where you are now. A lot has to be undone to create a new result. We need a seminar on true abundance and some personal work to make the changes needed so your actions, intentions, and behaviors are congruent with a new example otherwise it is confusing. The issue is not a simple one because not only does the primary person have to think differently, everyone that has been taught to be dependent on them has to learn new things.
Thu, Aug 20, 2009 at 2:54 AM Hi Mary,
This is really interesting. What will it take to change this way of operating in the world when it comes to your loved ones? Does it help to move them out a bit? Or go back in time to when you first started reacting this way? Maybe it is linked to something else that once it is cleared up would take care of the problem?
Do you know what you gain by so fully taking their view that you forget your own? Would the core transformation technique be useful here?
Thu, Aug 20, 2009 at 3:04 AM Hi Mary,
Here there are all sorts of training packages that the government approves. To offer a training, you have to demonstrate how yours maps into an approved course or go through the process of accrediting your own course. There is a NLP course, for example, that a company here offers that they went through the process to accredit. However, I think I can find something in the government approved system that could work. The website with the packages is: ww.ntis.gov.au
There are individual modules in the business training package that have titles having to do with training/coaching/mentoring. There are also some coaching modules in the community services package that have coaching in their titles. It would be great if you have some ideas for the workplace setting because I am having a hard time shifting from working with individuals on their personal stuff to a workplace setting.
The trainer today is one of the owners of the company. After class, I chatted with her and she mentioned how a trainer with a snake phobia lost it in a previous session when a student brought in a huge snake to demonstrate snake handling. I told her Emotionology has a short, effective technique that deals very well with phobias and she suggested I present it as one of my assignments so there is a start.
All the work you’ve done with me must have changed something because today I didn’t have any of the usual anxiety I would have had in the past about going someplace new and starting someplace new, etc. Love, L
Thu, Aug 20, 2009 at 8:53 AM
I am working with a kid and his family and it is a big job trying to get across the changes necessary to help him get out on his own. I realized that some of the issues are things I have learned and should have learned differently sooner to not create problems in the past so want to pass this on to you in case it might clarify some things. Raising children is not easy. Each generation learns different things or has different aspects of the past that cause difficulties in their life. It is only by examining the ideas and thinking behind behavior that helps to make a difference. Mary
On Thu, Aug 20, 2009 at 6:46 AM, Mary Hallgren wrote:
Subject: Co-dependency
We all struggle with this issue. I have an example that might make sense to you.
One problem is in giving too much.
With people I love when they state a problem (like when Ed said something about him needing to buy new shoes) I right away jump in and want to take care of the situation or help solve it for him. So I might say, “Let’s go buy some shoes” and I am thinking that money is not important and actually, I would give everything I have for those I love. It is like when someone I love is in need, I jump into their point of view (and only look from their point of view) at their need assuming they don’t have the means to help themselves. It triggers the desire to give. I forget about taking care of me. But if someone else I don’t know so well would say the same thing I would stay in 1st person and just encourage them to take care of themselves or ask them what kind they were thinking of getting assuming they have the means to take care of their needs or at least, it is their lesson to get the money. That is how I can create financial dependence in close relationships. That’s why it is co-dependent. When I am only thinking of them, I make them dependent on me, and there is no longer anyone thinking about me or taking care of me so I am dependent on someone else watching out for me – ie, co-dependence. I would go without to care for those I love. It doesn’t feel like sacrificing but it really is if you give away your good which is something that is supposed to be there for you. It is also confusing for the other person because I am acting like money is no object when it really is or would be in other situations. This is a case of loving too much but there can be other reasons that someone is co-dependent and gives too much.
They can be dependent on being needed, they might want the great feeling of being able to give that is so wonderful that it becomes an addiction, the person may want to feel important or useful, or the person needs to feel they have some value. For some people it is the only way they know they are worthwhile or that life is worth living if they take care of someone. Sometimes people are needy and they take care of others so that they can count on someone being there for them – which doesn’t happen. With this kind of giving there is an assumption that other people are just as giving and feel the same towards you or have the same values. And when life proves it different a person may feel confused and betrayed. Anytime you can look back and see that some helpful action turned into a sacrifice, it was a co-dependent action even if it was something you wanted to do.
Sacrificing puts you at risk and is not taking care of yourself so you might have to be taken care of by someone else – that is why sacrificing is part of the co-dependent issue. When we care-take or give too much we teach others to be dependent and takers not givers and they don’t respect others who are self-caring and might call them selfish if they don’t give. Through your actions and you have set a bad example for how they should show their love. Givers attract and create takers.
Usually givers say “money doesn’t mean anything to me”. That is true only with people you really care about because it certainly means something if you don’t care about someone or if you are lacking money. Often givers give too much and later complain that they don’t have it when they realize the money is gone and no one gives back. What we really mean is that people we care about are more important than money. Money has a shifting value. When we don’t value it we are not focused on taking care of it. When we don’t have it we value it and then are willing to work for it.
Another way to look at the issue. A family system operates in a certain way. There are rules and expectations. An interdependent family system everyone participates and does what ever they can to help the family and find joy in one person getting an abundance. There is a rational thinking of abundance and a joy in working. Parents gradually turn children out on their own and help them become independent. The couple is together for the purpose of sharing joy and life together rather than out of need. If both people could survive on their own but choose to be together, they are together for different reasons than need. It is a choice. There is a thin line here and a relationship of need can easily become the determining factor of being together. If two people are together because of need then need replaces love. A person’s thinking determines their actions. Many people don’t understand love only need. If life is about need not love than it easily becomes a co-dependent relationship. Each person “needs” the other and the relationship is just a trade with each one looking to the other to fill their needs. That is how love is demonstrated. The result is that It becomes a relationship of desperation and survival.
In co-dependent family groups that have issues around money one can get a better picture of the situation if the idea of money is replaced with oxygen and the family exists in an enclosed balloon with a limited supply of oxygen. No one realizes they can be the source of their own supply of oxygen. So all the rules are set as if the small supply in the balloon is all there is and if anyone has more than anyone else they are being stingy if they don’t give it to the rest of the group. The situation becomes desperate to survive. There is no sense of abundance.
Sometimes one person takes care of everyone else’s needs or thinks they do. So one person supplies all the oxygen. No one looks to produce their own supply if they can get it from someone else. A child is afraid to leave the family because he/she has never been taught the joy of taking care of themselves. If the family is short on money/oxygen, and one person gets some extra money, they are obligated to give it up. Need dictates everything. Because any extra has to be shared there is no advantage or motivation to doing anything extra or to getting any extra work or working extra hard because they would have to pay bills with it that they normally wouldn’t have to worry about. If they see themselves as always having a limited supply of air then is always about survival and it is more important to learn to keep what you have than think about looking or working for more.
The thing is that children have to be taught to WANT to be independent both through example and action. If you support yourself in a way that doesn’t make sense to your kid and you complain about having to work, he will NOT want to go to work. If you teach him that if he has a small amount of money that he owes others for what they have done for him in the past you teach him lessons of obligation not responsibility and everything is a trade.
You can’t just push a kid out on his own if you have given him the thinking of dependence, neediness, lack, and excess. He has to think in a different way first and he needs to see this in action at home. If you love your work it isn’t like working and everything in life is fun. He has to know how much fun it is to take care of himself — that there is a joy to independence and life can be about fun – even responsibility is fun. He will need to learn about abundance (which is not about excess) but a way of thinking like knowing there is air outside the balloon. One just has to choose to be their own supply. It is a whole paradigm of thinking that is different than feeling like your supply is cut off. It takes editing your thinking from the past which generates lack and present behaviors. It takes changes of behavior from that which is centered around complaining, yelling, pressuring, or care taking. Where you are now is the result of past actions and thinking. As much as what you did at the time was for others or came from good intentions, the result is where you are now. A lot has to be undone to create a new result. We need a seminar on true abundance and some personal work to make the changes needed so your actions, intentions, and behaviors are congruent with a new example otherwise it is confusing. The issue is not a simple one because not only does the primary person have to think differently, but everyone also that has been taught to be dependent on them has to learn new things.
Thu, Aug 20, 2009 at 8:57 AM
Great, I will check it out. Have a big day today. Seeing Lisa for the first time in person at noon and then 6pm we have a dinner with Alan to talk about Ed helping him with a project. Mary
Thu, Aug 20, 2009 at 5:52 PM
Hope the session with Lisa went well. During one of the conversations with Ruth, she thought that people with bipolar seldom committed suicide when they were in either a manic or depressed state but when they were thinking rationally and couldn’t see how to put their life together again.
Hope Alan is able to help out Ed.
It’s interesting how there is a connection between what you’re learning and what some of your clients are learning now about co-dependency and giving too much.
It’s been sunny, though cool, each day since I’ve arrived, but today it is grey and chilly. I’m glad spring is on the way. Love, Lynne
Aug 20 6:18 PM
Fri, Aug 21, 2009 at 4:50 PM Check it out, I made a blog.
http://hallgrenphoto.blogspot.com/
Fri, Aug 21, 2009 at 5:55 PM
I signed up to be a follow your blog. I don’t know why my pic shows up 2 times. Maybe I did something wrong. Send it on to Franz, Jess, Miki, and Marcie.
Love Mom
Fri, August 21, 2009 8:09:40 PM Subject: Can we be too giving?
I wrote this for me….
It is interesting that the very thing that is an expression of love can get so convoluted. This is why. “Giving” feels good. Since it feels so good and if we are givers, we look for opportunities to feel good so look for where we can give. Giving is one way we show love. The ability to give is proof of having and success. Loving someone makes us want to give to show how much we love. When we are independent and do well we have something to give. We are wanting to share our abundance. If we give too much or inappropriately, giving becomes a problem.
The result is we attract and create takers and create dependents or don’t let our dependents grow up and be independent. The interesting thing is that it feels good to be independent and free. Giving shows us we are in a position to know we are independent and free. However when you give in places where people are really capable of taking care of themselves or where they should be capable, we are giving dependency not freedom. Giving dependency doesn’t feel good – it triggers survival, and you don’t get back love. We are not giving abundance, we are taking it away. We gave pain so we get pain in return in the form of non-appreciation, anger and other ways. Dependents hate the one that made them dependent. If they don’t now, they eventually will.
The thinking gets very convoluted because the action that is supposed to create love actually creates lack of love because it is proof to the one receiving that they are dependent and not free. They can’t make it on their own. Dependency is not freedom. We all want to be free so if we create dependency with anyone we take away their freedom. Then since the dependency puts them into a position where they would not be able to survive without their caretaker, they react violently when their source is taken away. They have lost their own ability to provide for themselves.
If they are dependent on you as a source, they will also be afraid you will take that away. It becomes very difficult to turn this around and has to be done in stages depending on how long the situation has been that way and also if they have ever been free. If they have been free and independent in the past, they will remember how much they enjoyed that even if it is difficult to give up being supported. It is similar to the captive and capture.
If someone has always been in captivity and doesn’t know freedom, they will not know how to live with freedom even if they hate the person who has captured them. They have to be shown slowly how great it is to be and feel free to make their own choices etc. You would think anyone would want freedom but to them it triggers insecurity and fear and they would resent your turning them out to be free. It is unfamiliar and they have to be taught how to be free or they will go right back into a similar situation. You couldn’t throw them out where they have to take care of themselves without a little support, examples, explanation, and encouragement. They have to be taught and sometimes forced. Everyone has to create their own abundance when they are old enough to be responsible. New patterns at a later age are more difficult to develop than when someone is young. So the person that made the dependent bears some of the responsibility in correcting it. There is also another aspect of this.
This is a learning journey and until you learn the lesson you need the journey. The problem will not go away just by recognizing it. It will be a process and will take action. There is another level of life that cannot be seen. The door to abundance doesn’t open for someone who is looking to gain from the wrong source – by taking from someone else. So the dependent person has to choose to look to their own source and want to create their own abundance. Their attention is in the wrong attention. Only they can change their direction. The door to abundance is also closed to someone who creates or is responsible for another’s dependence. The result will always end in survival. You will only generate enough to survive on. You can always survive. You are a survivor. Instead of giving inappropriately, teach others to help themselves. Teach others to be free and independent of you. It is like the old proverb – Teach a man to fish.
Franz and Ruby Aug 22, 2009
Thu, Aug 20, 2009 at 11:06 PM Hi Lynne,
The session with Lisa was fine – nothing great. We just keep chipping away on her stuff. We met with All tonight and he wants Ed to be his fabricator for something. He was so up I wonder if he isn’t bi-polar because he is depressed sometimes. He is in his best of health and doing a body building contest with 5 more weeks to go. He served coffee so both Ed and I are not at all tired and it’s late. This is good for catching up on email.
Ed talked to his friend (can’t think of his name) about fixing the barn with heat and cooling since he did his cement slab the last few weeks. Ed would like to move the lab up into the barn. I am not excited about that. Ed seems to be holding it together quite well now. He went through some mental changes when I talked to him about going back to work and he is looking forward to it. It is funny, now that he decided he wanted to work he has found some.
Glad your anxiety is not so bad starting the new class. I will spend time looking through the government material this weekend. You asked me why I would continue doing work for Dr Meyer. I like her and get SOME money from her and if I need a trade she will do it. She doesn’t have an ego about her work so is willing to take direction even though she isn’t very good at it. She has her disadvantages but as long as the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, I stay with her. I have learned to deal with it. Also, they are loyal to me so I stay doing their work.
The pen the meat chickens are in was vacant before them and will probably remain vacant after. We use it to lock up Bruzie when it is vacant. Don’t know if we will ever do the meat chickens again but it remains and continues to be an interesting learning journey. We learn something about it every day. I belong to a chicken discussion group so it has turned into quite a thing. If I knew what I know now when we started, we wouldn’t have so many flies. This morning we really discovered that Winnie is a he so change his name to Winston. Both Ed and I really like this rooster so don’t want to shoot him unless he creates a problem and crows too much.
I had some thoughts today that I wanted to send on to you. Doing only what I like to do works for me because I know how to find work I like. That doesn’t work for someone who has never worked at something they like or doesn’t believe there is something out there they could like. Telling this kid that he is supposed to only do what he likes to do is difficult to comprehend and he can just use it as an excuse to not do anything. Often, because of the difference in beliefs, values and philosophy including thinking model, messages get mixed and understanding is difficult. I was thinking today of some of these differences and how they can be interpreted wrong. These are some of the areas that can be a problem and things I wanted to say to Ed or my son. I will just put the thoughts down and think about this some more…
Being helpful doesn’t mean I want to take over. Showing my concern for you doesn’t mean I want to take care of you. Telling you I would buy it for you doesn’t mean I want to take away your power of choice or take over your being responsible for it. It just means I am feeling generous and I support your wanting something and I want you to be healthy, happy, and abundant and I trust you will not accept anything that you can get for yourself unless it is a birthday/Xmas gift. I am not trying to encourage you to live off me. I am showing you that everything is possible to have if you truly want it and are responsible enough to take the actions necessary to have it – there really is an abundance out there.
If two people are both working and both are doing everything, they can to pay bills and live well, then it doesn’t matter who pays for what. But if one isn’t working and can’t see what needs to be done around the place, spends money they have on drinking and smoking – they don’t have the same thinking and it’s not working and something has to change. There has been a miss-communication. One can easily assume that other people think the same and have the same values but that isn’t usually the case. For instance, I wouldn’t buy wine unless I had extra money. Bills and needs come first. When you say you need new shoes and I say we could buy some, I am saying your needs are important to me and if you really need or want something your comfort and happiness is important to me if you actually really need that and I trust you value the things you need for work over beer. There are needs and wants. Needs come first. Alcohol and recreation are wants. If these things are “needs” to you, then they are actually addictions.
This kid I have been working with smokes pot and the plan is to work on that next time. He has a mixed response with it. On one hand he can’t do without it and feels he needs it but on the other hand he doesn’t like it and thinks he would be better without it. He said he does it for the first rush but that seems to be disappearing and so there is no reward. I have to hear a lot more from him before I know where to start and go with this. If I try to do a conflict integration he can’t seem to do it.
Apt with Ellie tomorrow. It will be interesting to see where she is after the email I sent her and after last weeks work.
Sold the last 2 baby lovebirds and heard from both the women who bought them – glad they are happy. Still have quite a few pairs but narrowed down 2 pairs that I want to sell first. Sold 2 pair last week.
Have you met anyone interesting in the class yet? What do you think about the facilitator? How is the friend that you stay with? Anything new with her? What is the weather like in AU right now? You have your own room? What’s next for you? Well, time to try to sleep, Love Mary
Thursday, August 20, 2009 10:14 PM Sent to group Subject: Re: Sent this to a client
Really do like this Mary … had the opportunity to use a bit of it with a client today. Are we going to meet on Saturday morn or wait till next Wednesday? Erin
Fri, Aug 21, 2009 at 2:33 AM Hi Mary,
You are sharing your thoughts of living with Ed and working with Lisa, Mel/Ellie has helped me realize that taking on the philosophy supporting Emotionology can be a gradual process that deepens with experience. For example, doing what works changes with context, but also with greater self-reflection.
I find it interesting that Ed seems to respond more quickly the clearer you are about a situation. Do you find this to be the case in general when working with people?
I didn’t have much time to interact with people in the class. It is one day a week. There are 10 students from different backgrounds. The trainer is good. She’s been training for 20+ years and had this business for the last 15.
Today I spent a few hours going through various training packages. We’re supposed to find a unit we can customize. I found titles of three that might work for Emotionology though I haven’t looked at the details for the requirements. BSBWOR201A Manage personal stress in the workplace CHCFAM414B Use tools for exploring relationships CHCORG529B Provide coaching and motivation
The trainer suggested choosing a unit at the 200/300 level because it would be less involved. You might spot something else in the business package that is suitable. The 400/500 level units would require more work, but it might not be too bad since most of the techniques are already in pretty good shape.
Yes, I have my own room so can go to bed when I want. Cordelia hurt her hip in May and has only today gotten an appointment to see a doctor (in September). She is pretty much the same.
Hopefully I can do some Emotionology with her. It’s been miserable today–gloomy, rainy, cold. Fortunately things are blossoming and spring is on the way.
Now that I’m settling in, I need to search out a paying project. Haven’t heard anything about the one job I applied for. Love, Lynne
Fri, Aug 21, 2009 at 8:35 PM Hi Lynne,
It was a tough session with Ellie as it is such a difficult thing for her to see how her giving and taking over with others is not a good thing. She can see how Forrest gives inappropriately but it is difficult for herself. She gets a serious reaction to the idea of thinking of herself first. She can see how Forrest doesn’t take care of himself but not with herself. It is like looking at Mother Teresa who so completely identifies herself with giving and sacrificing for others. To ask her to think of herself undermines everything she believes in. She wouldn’t be able to comprehend thinking that way at all. There is no self-responsibility only in a second hand way. I am glad that I realized how this worked before I ruined my relationship with Ed. Anyone made a dependent can get their survival instinct caught up in it. We also can’t like ourself if we feel dependent (when we feel we shouldn’t be dependent) and if we don’t like ourselves, we don’t like anyone else.
For us to continue to have a happy life together I have to trust that he can work AND go to school. I have to let him participate more. It is interesting how many opportunities have suddenly opened up to him to make money now that he is planning to work. He is much happier.
> For example, doing what works >changes with context, but also with greater self-reflection.
I wasn’t exactly sure what you meant here. Can you elaborate?
>I find it interesting that Ed seems to respond more quickly >the clearer you are about a situation. Do you find this to be >the case in general when working with people?
I am not sure again what you mean here but clarity has to happen with interactions. There was an interesting situation that happened while Ellie and I were in the middle of our session. Her husband Ken came in and said that the steak guy was outside and had a great deal on steaks $150. He wanted to know if she wanted to spend the money on the steaks. I assumed he was asking her if she had $150. Instead of answering she asked a question. “Does that fit into your budget for food for the week?” They went back and forth for a bit and neither one of them was very clear or approached the real issue. He wanted the steaks but wanted her to spend her money on them – not his. I saw real anger he had and both of them trying not to take responsibility. Don’t think I can really relay the way it went but she had gotten some money ahead of time on a training she is going to do in another state so she could pay bills before she left town. Since he knew she had that money, he was trying to get some of it and not spend his money for food that he usually spends. There is so much anger around everyone in the household and everyone is blaming and thinks they are right that it is hard to be there. She has given up the idea of having any meetings at her house and doing them all out of town.
Since your class is 1 day a week, you have the rest of the week to prepare your project?
>We’re supposed to find a unit we can customize. I thought 2 would be easy to do something with. BSBWOR201A Manage personal stress in the workplace
CHCORG529B Provide coaching and motivation. Motivation is a great subject that works well in business. You can compare the neg vs. pos mod l of motivation. There is a good book on it too.
>Cordelia hurt her hip in May and has only today gotten an appointment to see a doctor (in September).Seems like a long time to wait for an appointment.
Wow, looking forward to Spring – I am jealous. Love Mary
Fri, Aug 21, 2009 at 10:12 PM Hi Mary,
Is Ellie still willing to work on her stuff even though it is difficult for her? My guess is that it would clear up some of that anger in her home if she got straighter with herself. She came across as being so wishy washy it’s hard to imagine her being competent at running a workshop. Also, as she doesn’t seem to have much respect for herself, it makes it difficult for others to want to respect her. It’s like you once told me about learning to become my own best friend. All the same, hopefully her upcoming training goes well. Are you able to do techniques with her or are you focusing on mostly on philosophy?
> > For example, doing what > works > >changes with context, but also with greater
> self-reflection. > > I wasn’t exactly sure what you > meant here. Can you elaborate?
If I’ve understood what you’ve been thinking about, for a long time you have had the philosophy to do what works. Also, you have emphasized the importance of taking responsibility for yourself. However, it seems only recently that you really got how you hadn’t put yourself first when it came to your loved ones. Doing what works for example when you have young kids is going to change when those kids get older and can take on more responsibility for themselves (i.e., change of context). In the last couple of weeks, you have more closely examined how you give to loved ones and realized the distinction you make between them and others. With more self-reflection, you’ve also realized that how you responded to loved ones has sometimes come at the expense of ignoring your wants/needs. So it seems to me that you’ve deepened your application of the philosophy.
In the previous email you said something about how it works for you to only do what you like but this doesn’t work for someone like Mel because he would only use it as an excuse to not do anything. (I may have written this already–I did in my last email, but I lost the email and had to quickly rewrite and may have forgotten this part.) In part this approach seems to work for you because you are in touch with how you feel and what you value (and are willing to examine a situation if there is some problem like you’ve recently done with the Ed situation). It doesn’t sound like Ted can readily access his feelings and hasn’t spent much time sorting out what he values. So, I agree that telling him to do what works won’t be much help at this stage of his development. So, this is another example of the doing what works depends on the context–i.e., the capability of the other person. I know for myself I can often tell what I want to do much more readily when I’m by myself or at least around people who don’t have an agenda for me. However, I think I’m improving at checking in with how I feel rather than checking out by going numb or simply acquiescing.
>I find it interesting that Ed seems to respond more > quickly > >the clearer you are about a situation. Do you find this > to be > >the case in general when working with people?
> > I am not sure again what you mean > here but clarity has to happen with interactions.
Maybe I’ve misunderstood some of how you’ve described what’s happened with you and Ed during this last year. It seems like you had mentioned a few times about him not working but him not really doing much to change that situation (just looking on the computer is generally not enough). Yet, now that you’re very clear on why it is important for both of you to be contributing to the household expenses, it seems to have mobilized him.
Also, a few weeks ago when you where working with Lisa you figured out she was addicted to rescuing people (I think, or something like this), but this seemed to be a key to unraveling some of her stuff that hadn’t really budged in the years you’ve been working with her. So I was wondering if, in general, your sessions with clients go better the more clear of a picture you can get about what you’re working on with them. Right now with Ellie, e.g., you say it’s difficult to work with her. Just thinking about her, I would have a hard time knowing where to start because it seems she needs a huge amount of work. You’ve mentioned that you often ask lots of questions with a client to get to the underlying issue. So I was wondering if things get easier the clearer you are about the person even if they are still having a hard time. Though, I suppose you are probably fairly clear about what’s going on with Miki yet it sounds like things continue to be prickly at times with her. Hopefully with the tumors gone, her hormones will stabilize.
> Since your class is 1 day a > week, you have the rest of the week to prepare your > project?
Yes. Though I’m hoping to find some paying work, too. There are 14 or so assignments. I need to look them over closely to figure out exactly what I’m supposed to do.
> >We’re supposed to find a unit we can > customize. > I thought 2 would be easy to do
> something with. > > BSBWOR201A Manage personal stress in > the workplace
I’ve looked at the required competencies of this unit. It seems to be aimed at people working in
something called a contact center–i.e., where they have to interact with many internal and/or external clients a day, probably doing fairly routine, repetitive activities. I’d hate this work environment so am not too excited about trying to flesh out this unit unless I can’t do something with anything else.
&> CHCORG529B Provide coaching and motivation > Motivation is a great subject that
> works well in business. You can compare the neg vs. > pos model of motivation. There is a good book on it > too.
Thanks for the suggestion. I still need to look at this unit’s requirements. It can be difficult to get US books here (more come from the UK). But there is bound to be something at one of the libraries here.
>> >Cordelia > >hurt her hip in May and has only today gotten an > appointment > >to see a doctor (in September). > Seems like a long time to wait for > an appointment.
She probably could have gotten in earlier but she is dreadful at putting things off so I got her to call. She has been in to see her regular doctor, but this is an orthopedic doc. Also, she doesn’t have private insurance so things can take a lot longer (one of the drawbacks of public health care). I think one of the reasons she has put it off is that she’s pretty well figured out what the problem is (she is an osteopath) and researched her two main options, neither of which have great outcomes, but she’s also fed up with the pain and limping around.
I’m hoping she’ll let me do a situation repair with her on something that happened a few weeks ago at work as it caused quite a problem. I see she has Frogs into Princes on her bookshelf so she knows a tiny bit about NLP. Sometimes she is too smart for her own good–much like Paul and Tom Stevens–because she closes off options that could help. Maybe its because I’m in a better state of health, but so far I’m finding it easier to be with her this time.
> Wow, looking forward to Spring – I > am jealous.
Today the sun came out again. This morning I went to the farmers market. The ones in CO often seem to be specialty oriented and can cost more than a regular grocery store. Here, there are a few specialty things–cheeses, olives, etc. But the fruits and vegetables tend to be quite a bit less than at the grocery store. Cordelia has a large garden and (only 3) chickens. It’s a bit bare at the moment, especially as she hasn’t been able to get out in it over the winter, but it should be great in a couple of months as the weather warms up. Love, Lynne
Sun, Aug 23, 2009 at 12:30 PM Hi Lynne,
Yes, Ellie is willing but it was very difficult for her to see what I was getting at as she was so convinced that she was right that her giving made her a good person. It took about an hour before she started to get it. She was actually mad at me for sending her an email about it but after she started working on it she started to see how she was just like Forrest and it touched some deep and young memories. She thinks she is the only one competent as she knows how to cut corners so they can make it and has gotten the money to help the family survive and no one else even tries. But she complains all the time about everything they don’t do and everything she does so it is not pleasant at their house and they are not happy.
We will be talking this morning on the phone. Erin wanted to get together. I wasn’t sure as I was thinking of taking a trip to AR.
It is easy to love others more than one’ self especially your kids. It is not easy to see that you forgot about yourself. I think sometimes once we reach survival and know we are OK then we move to taking care of others instead of getting past survival. Putting yourself first is a hard thing to comprehend as you might do that to survive and do it with people you don’t know but not do it with close family members. Only by seeing the contrast is it obvious. Ellie does it with everyone. It also seems to be against other principles of goodness. One becomes self-less when others come first. Also, putting others first makes it feel like one has given something that gives permission to control the other person. After all, if you take care of someone else you need some control just like with children.
Ed and I discussed several times whether he really needed to go to work. It seemed that was best for him to go to school. I also feel that he has had a chance to learn what it is like to be dependent. Everyone needs the experience of dependence and independence before they can be interdependent. There were a couple of things that helped me realize that it was best for him to go back to work. They were the way he wasted time and drank because he was bored. He also didn’t see any money he made as valuable. It seemed to have no value. I pointed this out and he didn’t like to feel dependent. I think there needed to be a transition in his thinking that would have made him more able to see what needed to be done without my pointing it out so this time I agreed that he needed to go back to work rather than discourage it. He is really ready for that now and don’t think an earlier time would have worked as well. I wish we could discuss things better. Discussions about anything serious amounts to me thinking it through and then explaining it to him. I do all the talking but he responds well and says little things that show he got it. He never liked not making a contributing, but he needed to see that contributing is more than making money which I don’t think he got.
Lisa is not a good example of working with people. Physically her body is limiting her mind right now. She is so physically tired and since she is staying with someone that would bring anyone down, she is having a hard time. Once she gets her own place she will recoup better. She is more an example of people who are schizophrenic and sometime paranoid. She learns from the sessions but can’t seem to hold the learning and generalize it as well as others so it takes longer and needs repeating. She is living in such scarcity that it is difficult for her, and it would be for anyone, to move thinking to a different model than what she is living.
What are some of the assignments in your class? Can I help in any way? Thinking about the stress one, all people in all jobs have to find ways to deal with stress. There is useful stress and destructive stress. People who have baggage with stress or stress built up from the past or are also experiencing stress because of a personal situation will interpret work pressure as destructive stress. The subject of stress is very general since everyone has it but you could make it specific to a situation you would find interesting. I am sure you could find a lot of stuff online instead of the library. Good luck at doing some work with your friend.
Ed finally sold the old brown truck out front to his friend Jasen. Jasen came in yesterday and spent the night… He really likes to drink so Ed drank with him and they both sat out in the garage until they were quite drunk – especially Jasen. He fell asleep before we got dinner made so I just woke him up and made him eat. This morning I made a big breakfast for them because Jasen started drinking as soon as he got up. He is a read alcoholic which is a shame since it ruined his marriage. Evidently he can’t leave it . At least, Ed seems to be able to take it or leave it. I told him that if he started drinking I wouldn’t go with him to the apt with Alan at 2 today so he didn’t touch anything even tho Jasen was drinking. Must go and get my hair done before we go. Love Mary
Sun, Aug 23, 2009 at 7:17 PM Hi Mary,
> an hour before she started to get it. She was actually mad > at me for sending her an email about it but after she > started working on it she started to see how she was just > like Forrest and it touched some deep > and young memories. She thinks she is the only one
It will be interesting to see if things change more quickly for Ellie if you can work with her on some of those early memories. In general, even if you can get someone to work with early memories, if they do something out of habit, does that need to be addressed, too, or does installing resources and skills sometimes shift their habitual way of doing things?
> phone. Erin wanted to get together. I > wasn’t sure as I was thinking of taking a trip to AR.
Is Erin in CO or soon to be? I’m guessing that either her or your proposed trip wouldn’t be very long so maybe you can work around the other.
> becomes self-less when others come first. Also, > putting others first makes it feel like one has given > something that gives permission to control the other person. > After all, if you take care of someone else you need some > control just like with > children.
This makes sense. I’ve probably done it myself and definitely seen others do it.
> I wish we could discuss things better. > Discussions about anything serious amounts to me > thinking it through and then explaining it to him. I do all > the talking but he responds well and says little things that > show he got it. He never liked not making a > contributing but he needed to see that contributing is more > than making money which I don’t think he > got.
I think it is pretty rare for guys to be good at discussing things that have an emotional component. I bet if you ranted and raved, he wouldn’t even listen, so at least he is taking in what you’ve figured out and present in a way he can understand. Although you’ve said he is smart, it doesn’t sound like he’s many opportunities to develop good discussion skills and certainly didn’t see them modeled as a child nor when he was in the military. Is this one of those things that could be a tipping point between staying and leaving or simply that it’s a drag that you have to do most of the work when it comes to something serious?
> Lisa is not a good example of working with > people.
Hopefully she can get her own place soon.
> What are some of the assignments in your class? Can I help in any way?
Thanks for your offer. A couple of the assignments assume you are working someplace where there are people who could benefit from training and there is at least one supervisor. You have to interview someone from your workplace, talk with the supervisor. Later, you have to assess some person from the workplace. And, you have to arrange a meeting with you, the psuedo trainee and this course’s trainer. At the moment, these are all a bit anxiety provoking as I’m not working. I’ll speak with the trainer and see what I could do instead.
There are several assignments that require looking closely at parts of a training package (most are 1000+ pages long). We have to introduce one of the packages to the class.
It looks like we have to give three short training sessions (15-20 minutes each). The first one is on a skill based topic. I was wondering if it would be worth presenting a technique here such as the sticky cloud. The second one seems to be a more involved version of the first in that we have to provide training objectives, session plans and resources for a small group. Perhaps I could use another technique here. The third session says we have to develop two session plans for a learning program (I don’t know what this means at this stage). Then we have to present one of these. It must address various criteria and include demonstrating two training techniques. (I don’t know how this can happen in 20 minutes unless it is something incredibly simple minded.)
We also have to provide documentation for all this. In another assignment we have to pretend we’ve been hired by a training organization to develop a couple of nationally accredited units. Part of what we have to do is put together a learning program that would cover 5-one hour sessions, fully develop two of these and present one.
The training I’m doing has 14 units at the 400 level. It looks like each unit is getting 3 or so hours of class time so spending 5 hours of training sessions on the 200 level stress management unit would not be suitable. However, it might work fine for the 500 level “Provide Coaching and Motivation” unit. Or, I’d need to do a couple of 300 or so level units.
These make up a little more than the first half or so of the assignments’ still need to look more closely at the coaching unit to see if I can customize it to Emotionology, otherwise, I may just do some dreary basic IT units like preparing a simple word document.
> Good luck at doing some work with your friend.
We’ve started the situation repair, but it is taking excruciatingly long as she insists on analyzing everything and telling me everything in great depth. I think part of the problem is that early on in the original situation, she disassociated and has been looking at it from a distance all along. I’m hoping as we get through the end of the process, she might actually be in her body regarding this and feel some resolution.
> Jasen came in yesterday and spent the night…He > really likes to drink so Ed drank with him and they both sat
Does Ed have any friends who aren’t heavy drinkers? Hope the meeting with Alan went well.
It costs $70 or so to fill up the gas tank. Cordelia suggested signing up with a temp agency. I only want to work 2-3 days a week, maybe 4, but need Thursdays for the class. Basic office workers make $15-20/hr. Maybe I can find some data entry position where I don’t have to interact a whole bunch with people. Doing the chatty office thing drives me nuts. Still need to get my resume in to some other places. Love, Lynne
Mon, Aug 24, 2009 at 10:25 AM Answers to questions
> an hour before she started to get it. She was actually mad> at me for sending her an email about it but after she> started working on it she started to see how she was just> like Forrest and it touched some deep> and young memories. She thinks she is the only one
It will be interesting to see if things change more quickly for Ellie if you can work with her on some of those early memories. In general, even if you can get someone to work
with early memories, if they do something out of habit, does that need to be addressed, too, or does installing resources and skills sometimes shift their habitual way of doing things?
When you add skills to old memories, it is like a ball of twine that starts to unravel. Many problems are also habits that have to be addressed in a different way. With co-dependency, it is a habitual response in some cases. So it takes time and effort – usually it takes repeated review, for a time, of one’s behavior to learn from it.
> phone. Erin wanted to get together. I > wasn’t sure as I was thinking of taking a trip to AR.
Is Erin in CO or soon to be? I’m guessing that either her or your proposed trip wouldn’t be very long so maybe you can work around the other.
I meant that Erin wanted to get together on the phone on Sat morning.
> I wish we could discuss things better. > Discussions about anything serious amounts to me
> thinking it through and then explaining it to him. I do all> the talking but he responds well and says little things that > show he got it. He never liked not making a> contributing but he needed to see that contributing is more > than making money which I don’t think he> got.
I think it is pretty rare for guys to be good at discussing things that have an emotional component. I bet if you ranted and raved, he wouldn’t even listen, so at least he is taking in what you’ve figured out and present in a way he can understand. Although you’ve said he is smart, it doesn’t sound like he’s many opportunities to develop good discussion skills and certainly didn’t see them modeled as a child nor when he was in the military. Is this one of those things that could be a tipping point between staying and leaving or simply that it’s a drag that you have to do most of the work when it comes to something serious?
No, that wouldn’t be a tipping point for me. It is just my thing to think about things and then discuss them but not his. It seems that the issue for me might be drinking and smoking. I don’t know how to look at this yet. There is some conflict in intimate situations between live and let live, and living with someone that doesn’t reflect your values. There have been a couple situations lately where drinking for him was the thing to do (because a friend was in town who drinks) and how I feel being around him. It isn’t his behavior that was a problem for me, it has something to do with energy. His energy changes. When we were dating, it was his energy (which made no sense at the time) that drew me to him. When he drinks very much, his energy is disgusting unless I have a few drinks too. Don’t quite know what to think of this. The smoking is a problem mostly because he doesn’t talk about it and I don’t know where he is with it and my values are sooooooo anti smoking.
A couple of the assignments assume you are working someplace where there are people who could benefit from training and there is at least one supervisor. You have to interview someone from your workplace, talk with the supervisor. Later, you have to assess some person from the workplace. And, you have to arrange a meeting with you, the psuedo trainee and this course’s
trainer. At the moment, these are all a bit anxiety provoking as I’m not working. I’ll speak with the trainer and see what I could do instead.
Could you do through remembering a place you did work? I will think about these questions more when I have my list done today.
> Good luck at doing some work with your friend.
Sometimes when you are doing the situation repair you have to insist that they limit their answers to one sentence. Or you may find it just gives you information on how she looks at life and bring you to philosophy changes or the use of another technique.
Must get out to take care of some things and will look at your assignment stuff later today.
Love Mary
Mon, Aug 24, 2009 at 10:19 PM Hi Lynne,
Have not had a session with Mel. He called me today as he was so mad at his mother. He had sent an email to his day with some materials that he was trying to organize to send a bio/resume to a woman his dad knew that might get him a job. The father had left the email open as he was working on it and Ellie came along, saw the email started and just sent it. Ted was so furious that he called her a f…bitch and broke a few things. Maybe some of these events will help him make up his mind to move out. But he feels he needs a job first. Other events might prevent us from focusing on the smoking.
> If these kids have never had<positive experiences or role models, how do you go about installing <skills and resources that they don’t know about?
I don’t find working with kids hard. Everyone seems to be able to come up with positive skills or know what those would be.
<Is it worth figuring out previous situations when you’ve experienced these different kinds of energies?
I wrote an email that I didn’t send putting everything down I was feeling and didn’t send it but saved it in drafts. Then I did a situation repair to see what would come of it. Ed has been smoking more and more so I bluntly asked him where he was with it if he had decided not to quit. He admitted that he did. He said he realized he was doing it for me and didn’t want to quit. I told him that there were things I wanted to talk to him about but would email him as he could tell something was bothering me. He is very sensitive to any changes with me. The interesting thing is he didn’t drink anything for the rest of the day. I had asked him if he was in Jasen shoes and was losing his mate as a result of drinking what he would do. He said he would back down on drinking.
When I asked myself what the feeling was (about his drinking) and when I had felt it before, “creepy” came to mind. Then all the men that I would feel creepy with if they touched me. When he isn’t drinking, I feel his original loving energy and I still don’t find the cigs offensive however, there is another problem with that. If he smokes and drinks, there will be no sex. Do I want to spend the rest of my life with someone that chooses smoking over sex? Strangely after the situation repair and his not drinking, I wasn’t focused on the things that were bothering me earlier in the day. When I connected to Wisdom.
It’s just a journey and both of us have already gained and grown from the experience. There were some other things but can’t remember what they are right now. When I went to fix it from neutral, I saw that Ed would make some changes if he was aware to the extent how this will affect our relationship. What isn’t working for me is not communicating and the drinking and smoking. I will send you the letter I have written and have NOT sent in a separate email. Don’t know if I will but will go over it again and see if I feel the same in a day or two. I was almost ready to move on today.
> The live and >let live philosophy works as long as the other person’s way of living isn’t a negative influence or impinging on your way of living.
Good point
< Also, she might have some minor training jobs for me–training people with disabilities in basic IT skills. Probably not ideal, but it would bring in some $$.’
Well, that sounds like an opportunity. Love Mary
Mon, Aug 24, 2009 at 5:57 PM Hi Mary,
> When you add skills to old memories, > it is like a ball of twine that starts to unravel.
> Many problems are also habits that have to be > addressed in a different way. With co-dependency, it is a > habitual response in some cases. So it takes time and effort
> – usually it takes repeated review, for a time, of one’s > behavior to learn from it.
Have you had a chance to work with Mel on his cannabis problem? Last night there was a show on TV about how many kids are in juvenile detention here and how crowded the facilities are and how ~70% are repeat offenders. Most have substance abuse problems, many have mental health issues and cognitive impairments, many have lived on the streets or were passed from one foster family to another. It was pretty sad. It seems like Emotionology could help some of them, particularly with the trauma they’ve experienced. If these kids have never had positive experiences or role models, how do you go about installing skills and resources that they don’t know about? Mel’s living situation isn’t ideal, but he has access to far more than most of these kids have ever had. I’m guessing when you talk about things with him, even if he hasn’t experienced something directly, he is smart enough to know what you’re talking about. I’m curious to hear if he can quit his addiction.
Since it would be the weekend, couldn’t you call Erin on the cell phone and talk with her from wherever you are?
> but not his. It seems that the issue for me might be > drinking and smoking. I don’t know how to look at > this yet. There is some conflict in intimate > situations between live and let live, and living with > someone that doesn’t reflect your values. There > have been a couple situations lately where drinking for him > was the thing to do (because a friend was in town who > drinks) and how I feel being around him. It isn’t > his behavior that was a problem for me, it has something to > do with energy. His energy changes. When we were > dating, it was his energy (which made no sense at the time) > that drew me to him. When he drinks very much, his energy is > disgusting unless I have a few drinks too. Don’t quite > know what to think of this. The smoking is a problem > mostly because he doesn’t talk about it and I don’t > know where > he is with it and my values are sooooooo anti > smoking. >
Is it worth figuring out previous situations when you’ve experienced these different kinds of energies? Does Ed still put out the same kind of energy that initially drew you to him? If I understood what you said a while ago, at the time, you were so drawn to him you didn’t even smell the tobacco on him. Was there an earlier situation when this was the case? The live and
let live philosophy works as long as the other person’s way of living isn’t a negative influence or impinging on your way of living. You don’t like to drink much, so having to have a few drinks to tolerate Ed’s energy when he drinks a lot may work, but probably isn’t a satisfactory solution for the long term. A while ago you mentioned something about what you might need to learn from being around a smoker and drinker since you had thought you already knew you didn’t want this. Would it be worth connecting to wisdom to find out some more about this learning experience. It seems that living with Ed in this state doesn’t prevent you from doing what you want, but there is something that isn’t satisfactory. Can you pinpoint what isn’t working and what it is related to?
I emailed the trainer to ask if I could use the training company as my workplace. She said some students had done so previously so it will probably work. Also, she might have some minor training jobs for me–training people with disabilities in basic IT skills. Probably not ideal, but
it would bring in some $$. Love, Lynne
Tue, Aug 25, 2009 at 6:15 PM Hi Erin,
Good to hear from you and to hear that you’re building up your coaching clientele. I’m guessing that it will grow by word of mouth as time goes by. In the meanwhile, it is handy that you can look at bookkeeping/accounting through creative eyes while you still rely on it for more steady income.
Yes, emailing is convenient, but it is also so much easier to miscommunicate something and miss the nuances that verbal communication brings that it can be a challenge at times.
I’ve noticed that Mary has cc’d all of us on some of her thoughts these last few months. They seemed like a good addition to the growing body of Emotionology work and it’s great that you’re pulling some of this together and are interested in editing. During that session you, Paul and I had without Mary, I thought Paul agreed to send you the updated Emotionology technique modules.
I searched through my emails and found the one from Maudie where he set up that Gmail account for all of us. That is the only place I know that has the entire manual, but Paul may have a copy on his computer or Mary may have it, too. I know Mary has the most recent version of the techniques on her computer, too. I’ve pasted part of Maudie’s email below.
At this stage, I’m not comfortable with having my profile on a website. Also, technically, I haven’t “graduated” from Mary’s training program.
There isn’t much news on this end. I’m doing a once-a-week course on “Training and Assessment in the Workplace” and looking for some part time work. Tonight, I’ll see if I remember how to do some Irish set dancing. There have been gale force winds not too far from here, but luckily, we haven’t lost power or had any trees fall as many people have. Take care, Lynne
Tue, Aug 25, 2009 at 6:21 AM Hi Mary,
Mel seems stuck between a rock and a hard place. Does he have any employable skills? I can’t remember if you said he’s gone to college or not. Could he apply for some of those programs that
Ed applied for?
> was with it if he had decided not to quit. He admitted that > he did. He said he realized he was doing it for me and > didn’t want > to quit. I told him that there were things I wanted to
At least you’ve cleared up where he stands on the issue of smoking.
> talk to him about but would email him as he could tell > something was bothering me. He is very sensitive to any > changes with me. The interesting thing is he didn’t > drink anything for the rest of the day. I had asked him if > he was in Jasen shoes and was loosing his mate as a result > of drinking what he would do. He said he would back down on > the drinking.
Based on his saying he would back down on drinking previously and hasn’t managed to maintain it, I’m guessing there is a conflict for him, there, too, between not really wanting to give it up but not wanting you to be upset.
> he was aware to the extent how this will affect our > relationship. What isn’t working for me is not > communicating and the drinking and smoking. I will > send you the letter I have written and have NOT sent in a > separate email. Don’t know if I will but will go over > it again and see if I feel the same in a day or two. I was > almost ready to move on today.
I read through the email. You’re not pulling any punches! All along the smoking and drinking have been bigger or smaller issues in being with Ed. In considering them, you’ve learned more about yourself, previous relationships, Ed, and addiction. Overall, Ed’s drinking and smoking seem to occupy a lot of mental/ emotional space for you at times. A while back you told him something about choosing drinking or you. Now you have the perspective to choose for you instead of going second and forgetting to take care of you. How do you decide whether or not the good things about Ed outweigh this ongoing problem with communication/drinking/smoking?
How long do you be patient with a partner who may be making attempts at working on something that is a major problem for you but seemingly not for him and when do you say it isn’t working and clear out? How does being with him prevent you from moving ahead in the areas you want to explore? Limit your happiness? Or the converse–i.e., perhaps you explore far more than if you were by yourself or someone else. Maybe you’re happier with him than by yourself?
Maybe this is what I was trying to get at about being clear. It is tricky. How do you be clear about what is acceptable for your living conditions without coming across as being controlling and having the other person feel they’re walking on eggs? This kind of gets back to something earlier you wrote about shared values. It would probably be boring if not impossible to find someone who shared all of your values, but it seems if you’re going to share your intimate life with someone there are some basic values you’ll want in common. Even before you moved in with Ed, you knew you weren’t keen on the drinking/smoking and now the communication seems to be more of a problem, too. Is it worth looking at your values hierarchy to see if there is anything else that might give some insight into this situation?
Took my bike in to be serviced today as it’s sat in a box for nearly 10 years and needed some attention. There is supposed to be a pretty good network of bike paths around the city so maybe
I can get around by bike some and save on gas money as the weather warms up. This week there are gale force winds on the coast (a couple hours drive) and the wind here is strong and icy. Love, Lynne
Tue, Aug 25, 2009 at 6:40 PM Hi Lynne,
Seeing Mel tomorrow. He really wants to go back to school and continue his education but doesn’t know what he wants to take. He has a BA in Psy. He now has a part time job teaching Chess. He wants to get a high grade on his entrance exam so he can get some $ help.
I wonder if Ed has read some of what I wrote as he seems to have changed some things and is acting different. But then, it might just be my working on it. I didn’t send that to him yet, I wanted to re-read it and perhaps take a trip by myself to think first.
I was thinking about class because of what I wrote. I know we don’t have classes here so to speak but certain things seem low class to me like not caring about one’s teeth, drinking too much, smoking, drugging, and swearing. I equate these in excess to street people. What is really higher class? I was thinking about this today and was thinking about people who actually live well but something about them seems low class – low integrity, too superficial, certain values, beliefs, etc. What are your ideas on this?
>Ed’s drinking and smoking seem to occupy a lot of mental/ >emotional space for you at times. A while back you told him something >about choosing drinking or you. I never asked him to choose between this. I think this was something I was thinking about doing that if things got worse. >Now you have the perspective to choose for you instead of going second and forgetting to take >care of you.
I don’t think I was forgetting to care about me and although I bring the drinking thing up a lot, it really isn’t as prominent as it seems in my discussions.
>How do you decide whether or not the good things about>Ed outweigh this ongoing problem with communication/drinking/smoking? >How long do you be patient with a partner who may be making attempts >at working on something that is a major problem for you but seemingly >not for him and when do you say it isn’t working and clear out?
I am sure I will know when it is time. Today I don’t have it as much on my mind as the problem isn’t right in front of me. I re-read what I had written but it didn’t seem important to take it farther yet.
Now that Ed is working some, things are changing and I have it pretty good here. Still working on the house and will have time to take care of things – I think. We will also have more money and he is taking over responsibility for more of it. We will see how it goes. We have enough things in common and common ideas of living that it has worked so far. I think he was walking on eggs with his previous relationship because of her personality. Some people are emotionally difficult to deal with or are high maintenance emotionally. I think Franz is dealing with that with Jessica since she is so much drama. I think both Ed and I are easier going so we don’t get on each other’s nerves or ask for too much from each other. The communication is a problem on one hand but on the other, I wouldn’t want someone who talked all the time about every nitty gritty thing. I have talked with Ed about values, and it is interesting how he changes things slightly after we talk. He almost always responds positively.
Sounds cold there. It is fun to watch for spring. Must have been quite a change coming from the warm weather here. I am looking forward to the reunion I am going to in Michigan. Want to take a trip by myself. Kinda Bla today, Love Mary
Tue, Aug 25, 2009 at 6:43 PM Hi Lynne,
I think Erin thinks if more people are on the web site it looks better especially since I have recently taken some off. Perhaps I will get another one going soon. I can look for the book on my other computer. M
Wed, Aug 26, 2009 at 12:21 AM Hi Mary,
> Seeing Mel tomorrow.
Has he ever lived away from home? It seems that until or unless Ellie changes, it will continue to be difficult for him to have much say in how things are done at home under her rule. Hopefully he can get some scholarship money, though I think it isn’t very likely in psych.
> I wonder if Ed has read some of what I wrote as he seems to > have changed some things and is acting different. But then, > it might just be my working on it. I didn’t send that to > him yet, I wanted to re-read it and perhaps take a trip by > myself to think first.
It’s interesting how working on something can change the interaction with the other person. Taking some time to think first makes sense in this situation.
> I was thinking about class because of what I wrote. I > know we don’t have classes here so to speak but certain > things seem low class to me like not caring about one’s > teeth, drinking too much, smoking, drugging, and > swearing. I equate these in excess to street people. > What is really higher class? I was thinking about this today > and was thinking about people who actually live well but > something about them seems low class – low integrity, too > superficial, certain values, beliefs, etc. What > are your ideas on this?
There are definitely different socio-economic groups in the US even if there aren’t formal servant and aristocratic classes. I think the type of drugs used depends on the economic class.
And drinking certainly can be a problem for any level. The more wealthy educated people seem to have access to more resources to hide their drinking/drug problems. I agree that the coarse, crude behavior and language that is often associated with heavy drinking and drug use does seem to go along with lower socio-economic groups which tend to be less formally educated people. I agree that there are people with a middle class or higher income who are pretty rough around the edges. They may have money to spend on $80 Avalanche tickets, but wouldn’t be caught dead at the symphony. In general I’m probably more attracted to people who think about a wider range of social issues and these people tend to be more refined in their tastes and are more educated. So perhaps it’s the level of education someone has?
> I don’t think I was forgetting to care about me > and although I bring the drinking thing up a lot, it really > isn’t as prominent as it seems in my discussions.
OK. When we’ve spoken in person, you’ve been pretty vehement at times so I found it hard to gauge where you stood with this.
> I am looking forward to the reunion I am going to in > Michigan. Want to take a trip by myself.
Didn’t you go to a reunion a year ago or so? Or maybe I just remember you talking about a time that you did go. When do you head off? Love, Lynne
Wed, Aug 26, 2009 at 7:01 AM Hi Lynne,
I can enjoy the bedroom again as I took time to clean up the house again. When it gets behind, I really don’t enjoy my life. It is easy to get overwhelmed with housework in this house. Some houses seem easier to keep clean. How do people keep up with paperwork and cleaning up? It is good to not have the meat chickens at the back door. I put them in the back pen, and we cleaned up the dog run. Don’t know what we are going to be doing with that now.
Ed is partly changing because he has his own work now. I think he feels better about himself. His self-worth is definitely tied to his ability to make money. So, living with Ed once again brings me more situations to observe and learn from. Every day he buys something special for us to eat for dinner. I can tell he feels good feeling like he is taking care of me. He tries hard to please me. Every day he gets more opportunities for jobs that are projects. Very interesting to watch. He seems to be much more at peace with himself and maybe that is why he is drinking and smoking less.
I am thinking of driving to Craig to see what that area looks like either Thursday or Friday. Since Hans is moving back to Denver it might be my last chance.
Where are you on your project? After I get back from delivering cases and seeing Mel at noon today, I plan to check out those modules you mentioned in an earlier email. I don’t have a handle on what your course is about. So Ted Kennedy died today. life moves on. Love Mary
Wed, Aug 26, 2009 at 8:28 PM Hi Mary,
Glad you were able to find some time to do some cleaning as it seems to help you have a better outlook when your house is cleaned up.
I suppose it won’t be too much longer before you butcher the rest of the meat chickens. Do you have freezer space for all of them?
Sounds like the adventure with Ed continues. As quick as he is in class, he can probably go to school full time but not have to go to classes full time so he can finish sooner yet still be able to work part time.
> I am thinking of driving to Craig to see what > that area looks like either thursday or friday. Since > Hans is moving back to Denver it might be my last chance.
I thought you went there one other time when he first moved out there. Have you decided to go to your reunion? Has Miki come home? Hopefully she is recovering well. Are Ruby
and Jessica doing well?
> Where are you on your project?
I did this week’s assignment. I think I’ll just do them as they’re due so I don’t get so overwhelmed with how much is to be done. I’m attaching the description of the course.
Went to Irish dancing last night. Realized I was really nervous at the prospect of having to see Jim. Luckily he wasn’t there, but a woman who went out briefly with him after I did was there. I like her a lot. After she said hello, she said to be sure and stay away from Jim. She found him incredibly controlling. I didn’t think about it that way at the time, but she is right. Anyway,
I was relieved to hear that she found him to be very difficult, too, and it wasn’t entirely my fault that his and my relationship didn’t work out. Another guy was there that I didn’t like from before—the guy that used to hold me too tight during dances–at the time, you suggested yelling a loud “Back Off!” to him. Last night he came and interrupted me when I was talking with Cathy and asked wasn’t I wishing I could dance with him? I told him no, actually, I hadn’t. But I did end up dancing with him. Fortunately, he didn’t try holding too tight, but perhaps it was because I was much more definite about my space this time.
When I tried to play out scenarios about why I was anxious about seeing Jim, I still couldn’t see anything concrete and realized he must trigger old fears that I used to have when my father would get angry. Maybe I need to do an inner child? Or a situation repair? I don’t remember any particularly scary time with my dad, but the fear seemed definitely linked to him. Love, Lynne
Thu, Aug 27, 2009 at 11:38 AM Hi Lynne,
No, I never went to Craig before. I went near that area with Jessica and Franz once to see her G’ma beep beep and G’ma Ruby who baby Ruby is named after. Jess and baby are doing well and very busy. Hope she is too occupied to dramatize anymore.
Have you decided to go to your reunion? Yes
Picking up Miki Sunday at 3:45.
Inner child is the technique that usually works along with playing cartoon characters or black and white. If you can tell it is from your father getting angry, you have to have memories of him being angry to know that. You can make it up because it may be that you didn’t see him but heard he was angry, and you made up your own picture of it which can be worse.
My session with Mel yesterday seemed to be a waste of time. I tried to work with him on his smoking, but he really resists that and we spend most of the time just talking and me asking questions. He has very little access to his pictures. I don’t want to work with him anymore as he is very difficult to work with and doesn’t really want to change anything. I think Ellie has to force him out of the house and that is the only thing that will create a change and I doubt if she would ever do that. You can only work on things people really want to change. There are ways to help them see what they need to change but it is usually only pain that makes people want to change.
I have so many big projects that are pressing me to get going on. Ed is doing quite a lot and he is so different now that he is busy with his stuff. I think most of his problem was too much time on his hands. He is not really good at making projects for himself and keeping himself busy without outside direction. Easier for me as I have always been in my own business or been a mother. Being a mother or caretaker is good training for self-employment.
I will look at your project and get back to you. Love Mary
Thu, Aug 27, 2009 at 6:43 PM Hi Mary,
Thanks for inner child technique. I’ll see if I can do this on my own.
> My session with Ted yesterday > seemed to be a waste of time. … You can only work on
> things people really want to change. There are ways to > help them see what they need to change but it is usually > only pain that makes people want to change.
Yes, this makes sense. Maybe this is sometimes why it is so hard to work with addicts because their addiction numbs them to pain even if a part of them wants to change. Does Mel
get that he has to want to change and not just half-heartedly go through some motions? It’s interesting how entangled it gets when more than one person is involved.
At the moment I’m able to do the assignments so you don’t need to look at my course work on top of the other things you have to do. I’ll try to let you know ahead of time enough if I’m getting stuck.
To go on with what you were saying with regards to working with Mel… it seems the person wants to change, that there is some pain involved, but also that they can either see a way out or let someone give them some directions. Ed didn’t seem to realize that his problem was too much time on his hands, even though it was somewhat painful to be in that situation for him. So, his way out was drinking and smoking. Luckily, he is willing to accept some outside direction when
it meshes with what he enjoys doing. Bet it is kind of fun to see this other side of him and learn more about that.
When do you head off for your reunion? Hopefully Ed will be busy enough that he won’t worry too much that you’re going on your own. Love, Lynne
Fri, Aug 28, 2009 at 10:16 AM
I found out this afternoon that the reason Ellie’s workshop was cancelled was because Dorothy (the one promoting the workshop and paying Ellie) her sons threatened to investigate Ellie because of giving medical advice to Dorothy. It is about time she quits doing that. I don’t believe she is qualified to do any of that. Supposedly she does some uranalysis and blood work with some kit she brings and gives advice based on that and her pendulum.
I cleaned up and rearranged the birds today. I want to mulch the yard where I put the straw (to get rid of some flies) and where I want flower beds next year. We switched out the stove this afternoon so now I have an oven that works. It was so annoying to not be able to bake anything. Now we still have to clean out the meat bird pen since they are in the back pen now and much happier. More of the flies are gone with them in the back.
Ed is almost done with his project for Alan. He really isn’t charging enough but it wasn’t worth more, don’t think Alan can pay more, and it kept Ed real busy and occupied. All in all, it is good.
Wrote this yesterday evening but Ed sat down beside me and we made dinner so didn’t get this sent. Today we are going to see if a found cat is Miss Kitty. In some ways I hope it isn’t, but it would clear up things if it is. I am having a little trouble with the Zerconia copings so will have to work a lot more later today. We are installing the thing Ed made for Allen this afternoon. Made a delicious strawberry & blueberry pie last night. Ummm good. Nice to have a stove that works. Love Mary
Sat, Aug 29, 2009 at 2:03 PM
this is why i am not going to Dorothy’s to teach my Immune System enhancement workshop. Ellie
Sun, Aug 30, 2009 at 11:02 AM
It sounds like they are trying to get their mother’s money and property – if she has any. Why can’t she act on her own behalf? Have you talked to her? Mary
Sun, Aug 30, 2009 at 12:05 PM
This is why Ellie is not going to Dorothy’s to teach her Immune System enhancement workshop.
Ellie is a mess and she needs to work on her life a lot. I wasn’t in a position to talk to her about what she was doing before this event. It never seemed appropriate for me to stick my nose in what she does unless it involves me – which it didn’t before this. I was not in a position to prove she was dishonest about her business. She never asked for help with this kind of thing and although she approached our group with what she had to offer; I never had any proof she was not legit. It was just my intuition and how it appeared to me and inappropriate for her to interject her stuff with our group. She never approached me directly to work with me, so I never had the opportunity to check her out. She came to me to work with her son and with another business in a group situation where she was the main problem in their communication. I never got very close with her nor knew too much about her life until working with Mel. I think things are coming to a head now.
We drove to Craig yesterday and brought back a few of Hans’s things to help him move. I kind of wanted to go alone but Ed was free, so he drove. I needed some time to think out some things and wanted to do it on a trip, but it worked out OK anyway. It was a nice drive and I saw where Hans worked and what his life was like there. My impression was that his life there is very small. He may get another job offer before he moves to Denver. He seems to be fine with the insecurity of quitting this job and stepping forward into the unknown. He has a lot of faith and trust and is also very logical – not like Mel.
The stove and refrig were from craigslist and the oven had something wrong with it. Since Franz and Jess were giving up their house and he owed me money we traded our stove for theirs. Ed is finishing up with Alan today and is waiting for this other job to open up next week. I trust that something will happen. The cat was not Miss Kitty. I had had a dream about meeting that cat and knew immediately it was not her and when I went there it was just like I had dreamed it. The cat had shorter hair and a longer body, and I knew immediately that it was not her.
Zirconia copings are a think carved thimble that is made to build porcelain on with the new all porcelain crowns. I make a lot of them, and they are beautiful but sometimes the fit is off and I have lots of adjustments. It is the end of the month so want to get all the work done to get paid.
> went to some place where the >practitioners supposedly give light (as in the light of God)
>healings.
Sounds like “light touch”. There were some nurses here years ago that used to do that. I proved to them that the changes they thought had happened were still there. They had just shifted their attention. If a person is caught in one feeling or thought structure that is giving them a problem and they shift their attention to calmness and comfort, they have just changed their attention which causes a different feeling, but the original thought structure is still there. I always have difficulty finding anything that works for me with these kinds of things (same with BJs stuff) since it isn’t logical and seems to be something that someone must “believe” in to make it work. I always assumed that I am perhaps just not that sensitive to “energies” and things one can’t see as other people are. This energetic stuff doesn’t seem to fit with my philosophy that events and life are about learning but it might be a learning in itself. Doesn’t seem to be for me anyway. Picking up Michelle at the airport soon so have to get going. Love Mary
Sat, Aug 29, 2009 at 3:48 AM Hi Mary,
When you are working with someone and suspect they are being dishonest about how they present themselves, do you call them on it or just work on what they want to work on? This would be a good example where it would be hard for me to keep my agenda to myself.I thought you recently got a new stove. Anyway, glad to hear this one works–yumm, pie.
> Ed is almost done with his project for Alan.
Hope there is another in the pipeline for him.
What is a coping? Hope you were able to get it how you wanted.
Cold and rainy again today–went to the market and a small cooperative art gallery. Then went to some place where the practitioners supposedly give light (as in the light of God) healings. Cordelia had been once before several months ago and she said it shifted something energetically for her. I didn’t notice anything in particular happening during or after the session and she said she didn’t experience the same dramatic shift she as she had before, either. Don’t think I’ll go again. Time better spent in the garden… Love, Lynne
Sun, Aug 30, 2009 at 9:01 PM
> This is why Ellie is not > going to Dorothy’s to teach her Immune System
> enhancement workshop.
Wow, Ellie is lucky that Dorothy’s children are only warning her to clean up her act rather than taking legal action immediately. I’m guessing that if other people had the knowledge and resources that the Schrader’s have, someone would have called her out on the carpet well before now. I wonder why she is willing to risk legal action rather than become legit if she is so passionate about helping people.
It brings up an interesting point, however. When I first came back last year, I went to someone who does EFT. She had some legal document about how she was not a medical practioner and that she was not a professional psychotherapist. I remember asking her if EFT was considered therapy or counseling. She said no, but under CO law, she had to disclose something about it being related to counseling or something like that. Have you ever looked at CO laws to make sure how you present Emotionology and working with clients could not possibly be construed as doing therapy?
Hope it works out for you to go to your reunion by yourself or that you can figure out another way to have some time to think away from him.
Is Hans still thinking of going to Oregon? Good luck to him where ever he lands.
Guess Miss Kitty was not meant to make her home with you or Hans.
Hope you were able to get all of the end of the month work done on time.
> Sounds like “light touch”. There were > some nurses here years ago that used to do that.
No, it is some Japanese religious thing that was started 50 years ago–it’s called Marhikari or something like that.
I don’t know if it is energy or what, but it does seem possible to pick up on tension in a room or between people and some people certainly seem more creepy than others while some are ones you want to be around. When you’re working closely with a client, I thought I’ve heard you say it is as if you can pick up on some of their pictures sometimes. It might not makes sense to call this stuff energy, but something is going on that we pick up on. I agree, however, that it does not seem very likely that someone waving their hands around can bring about significant changes in someone else. I find it interesting, however, that so many people seem to strongly believe in energy medicine despite little evidence for its efficacy.
Hope Miki got in on time and is doing well. Is she less stressed out now?
Finally heard back on the research position I applied for at the end of July. I’m supposed to go in for an interview later this week. Hopefully will be able to keep an attitude of curiosity rather than panic or numbness. Love, Lynne
Mon, Aug 31, 2009 at 12:14 AM
Yes, Ellie is lucky it isn’t worse. I think there are many people that believe just because she acts so confident in her pendulum and what she believes. Most people are followers and just looking for someone to believe in. I have difficulty with BJ. This is what she wrote to me when I told her I couldn’t see how her doing a workshop without people there could work and inquired about the feedback she has gotten. (People have had amazing results. Some I can’t repeat and some I have included in the newest flier, which I will attach to this email. It works through the quantum/unity field, just like the power of prayer. Not only does it work, but it is fun! Lots of clearing and lots of neat stories. I have had lots of reports. I can read some to you, if you want.)
Her idea of the power of prayer doesn’t fit my belief system. I don’t believe God answers prayers that way. I also have difficulty with a practitioner that is dysfunctional that I can’t respect.
<It brings up an interesting point, however….. Have you ever looked at CO laws to make sure how you present Emotionology and working with clients could not possibly be construed as doing therapy?
It is good to have a disclaimer they can sign if you are worried. I try to make it clear verbally that I am not doing therapy but teaching them techniques they can use to help themselves and explaining about the mind and how life works. Most people get the difference. There have been times I have used a disclaimer with a new person but don’t usually find it necessary. I think it is more important that a person doing the coaching to know the difference and be confident in it.
Since it is the weekend Ed was drinking. It was OK on Saturday but today I had too much to do picking up Miki and helping her move out of Tom’s place.
By the time I got home he had had a lot so I told him that I just wanted to work by myself in the lab and he should go to bed. I made it clear that it doesn’t work for me to be around him drinking if I haven’t been drinking too. We settled a few things.
He made a commitment to me that he wouldn’t drink during the week any more even if he isn’t working. He always would say “I never drink during the week when I am working” but since he wasn’t working it seemed like a perpetual weekend. We tried this once before to limit the drinking and since that didn’t work before I am not sure about his ability to change this now. I am finding different ways to explain the problem I have with his drinking. If we can’t work this out I will move back to my place and just see him less. I am sure that would end it though. He will have to make a choice. I did a situation repair on it and realized a few things that seemed to make a difference.
Two people living together have separate cultures to mesh similar to when companies merge. He came from a culture that thinks nothing of drinking every day and it is as if he has never grown up from the teen years. My culture growing up did not include alcohol or cigarettes. He doesn’t get it yet and I will give him a chance to understand but I am getting less interested as time goes on. Solid decisions have to be made if this is going to work.
You said:
I don’t know if it is energy or what, but it does seem possible to pick up on tension in a room or between people and some people certainly seem more creepy than others while some are ones you want to be around. When you’re working closely with a client, though I’ve heard you say it is as if you can pick up on some of their pictures sometimes. It might not make sense to call this
stuff energy, but something is going on that we pick up on. I agree, however, that it does not seem very likely that someone waving their hands around can bring about significant changes in someone else.
Yes, that is the part of energy that I don’t agree with. Yes, we do pick up on each other’s energy and a person can walk into a room and everyone feel it. The part I don’t agree with is people thinking they make changes in others through waving hands, rocks, etc. Any change from these things is only temporary.
>I find it interesting, however, that so many people seem to strongly>believe in the energy medicine despite little evidence for its >efficacy.
Yes that is interesting. I try to evaluate other people who do believe in it. Some people seem gullible. Others make changes because they want to believe or want the change. Then it seems that some people really can get something from those alternate energy modalities. I also think alot of touch stuff helps just like massage in that people come into a good space when touched. They feel better at the time but that doesn’t mean something has really changed and it won’t come back.
Hope you get the job if you want it; It is easier to keep an attitude of curiosity when you know it is only temporary. You always have the freedom to leave if you want.
I am very tired and having difficulty writing this. Are you getting your class project done?
Love Mary
September
Tue, Sep 1, 2009 at 7:46 AM ScienceDaily: Psychological link between ‘weight’ And ‘Importance’
Psychological Link Between ‘Weight’ And ‘Importance’
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/08/090831130802.htm
Weighty. Heavy. What do these words have to do with seriousness and importance? Why do we weigh our options, and why does your opinion carry more weight than mine?
Wed, Sep 2, 2009 at 10:55 PM “embodied cognition”
What a awesome way to describe the bodies wisdom. very interesting study and useful when coaching. gives us something to consider when a client says something is heavy if carrying more weight means that it’s more important. Erin
Tue, Sep 1, 2009 at 7:38 PM Why Mosquitos bite some people and not others – it’s their body chemistry
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204660604574378933761528214.html?mod=yhoofront
Wed, Sep 2, 2009 at 10:33 PM
Very interesting article Mary. I believe that humans also are sensitive to each others chemicals of emotions and are also repelled or attracted. Perhaps this is some of the ‘field of attraction’ and part of why we choose to be around certain people.
Alaska has a huge mosquito population, especially in the wilderness areas where we canoe, hike and camp. We have the deet repellent … call it Alaska Cologne … and I’ve often wondered what it’s doing to my endocrine system but synthesized stress chemicals as a mosquito repellent may be just a harmful to my endocrine system. Erin
Ed and Lucy Sept 2, 2009
Wed, Sep 2, 2009 at 3:12 AM Hey Lynne,
It is 1am and I was woken up by Helga making lots of noise outside. I am not sure what her problem is but I had to chase her into the box in the pen and shut the door. All the ducks were milling around and squawking a lot. I was afraid they would wake up the neighbors. After doing that, I can’t seem to get back to sleep.
I am having a lot of anxiety over getting audited. The apt is 2 weeks away so there isn’t much to do but stress about it. Can’t find any records for that year so I don’t know what is going to happen. Not a good situation and I am trying to do anything but focus on it. I think I am learning what it is like for Lisa worrying about her future. I really have to stay in the moment and focus on other things. I am going to call the IRS up and try to get an earlier apt to get this over with.
Today and the last few days have been hell for Mel and Ellie. Today he text me that he just wanted to Kill her and he has been miserable all week. She had sent me about 14 texts while they were having a fight. Mel has had to loan them money again to help pay the rent. He wants them to get their act together so he can keep his cushy place to live without paying rent. He wants to spend his money on pot and procrastinate on making any decisions about going back to school or getting a job. He has no ambition, doesn’t know what he wants to be or do, and is not motivated to go towards anything. He thinks they are all nuts and stupid. Ellie wants to keep him her baby and do what she wants him to do. She thinks she has all the answers about what he should do and if he would do that, they would all be happy. She has her own problems she isn’t taking care of. None of them want the other person to tell them what to do so there is a lot of yelling and screaming. To make matters worse, Ellie has her sister living with her that hates everything and is working but complains about everything and plays the victim so she can’t throw her out either.
So, I was trying to imagine what needed to be done and when I looked at them/…. if they all were grateful for what they have, things would all calm down. They would have to want to work together and share the responsibility of getting out of their mess. They would have to want to participate in finding a solution. It is so interesting to watch this situation as I can see that as long as Mel has some money, they want that money to fix their money problems because no one else looks to another option. They are coming from such scarcity. If they were coming from abundance they could look to themselves to solve their financial situation. They would be glad he has the money and help him get out on his own with what he has.
On the good side, Ed solidified the upcoming job today. His friend Eric wasn’t returning his calls about the job and he was up in the air about it. He feels better about it after talking to him. It seems that the guy giving him the job has to still get some signatures on the paperwork to go ahead. I guess it is a government or city project that requires a lot of paperwork. Hope that works out for him.
I sold 2 more birds today and think I might put some at a pet shop on consignment. It is getting colder at night and I know winter is coming so I really want to get them down sized to something manageable or maybe all gone. The furnace I use for lab work stopped working 2 days ago but I had a back up which seems to be working. It was good to get it out of storage and get it programmed. I was not using it because I never took the time to find out how it worked and I actually like it better than the other one now.
Miki looks so much better now. Not only did she lose 20 pounds, she had some botox put into those cross lines in her forehead and also had some filler put in the lines around her mouth that made her look sort of angry. She also got a good haircut and has had lots of rest. She put another offer on a house and once again found out there was already a contract on it so she was all depressed. She was blaming Tom for telling her to wait on making an offer until she got back from surgery. She gets so disappointed because she doesn’t realize that making an offer doesn’t mean she is getting the property so she moves way ahead in her thinking and starts to plan what she wants to do with it. Then it is as if she already owns it and someone pulls the rug out from under her. She is another person who blames others for her feelings. She also needs to appreciate what she has. At least she still has a job and money to put down on a house.
I need to keep my mind occupied and find something to do while I am awake in the middle of the night so started to look at what you sent me. Let’s brainstorm on the possibilities.
>It looks like we have to give three short training sessions >(15-20 minutes each). The first one is on a skill based topic. >I was wondering if it would be worth presenting a technique here >such as the sticky cloud.
What kind of skill do they want, physical? They are probably thinking in terms of some skill needed at a specific workplace. For instance, a customer service place might need employees to know how to answer the phone politely. In the insurance business they might be wanting to train someone to get those appointments without disclosing too much information over the phone. In a dental lab they might be thinking of how to get a person to stay focused to get out their production or how to wax a crown. Perhaps a skill-based topic would be a physical skill like how to make a tooth. How to answer the phone or some “how to” that fits that specific business. If you want to use Emotionology you could use several things. It would be “how to think or feel something” I don’t actually see just a technique working here. Some possibilities might be:
- Explaining the difference between the (authoritative) negative vs.(synergistic) positive system operating in a workplace. Then how would you explain to someone how they needed to behave in an authoritative system so as to not rock to boat. How would a person have to think to get along or survive this system and keep their job?
- Another skill might be “How to cut your stress in a high stress environment. Then you could use the sticky cloud technique, but you would also have to explain the thinking model and how and why it works.
- Or how to think calmly when someone is yelling at you. You would have to be able to stay objective so you would have to use some thinking skills to deal with that. What are the abilities a person would need to have to deal with this?
- How to be happy in life might work. Then you could show the two models and how thinking one way creates unhappiness and another way that allows one to be happy.
- How to go towards a goal might work for a group. There are stages of goal setting.
>The second one seems to be a more<involved version of the first in that we have to provide training <objectives, session plans and resources for a small group. >Perhaps I could use another technique here.
It seems that going for a goal might be the easiest thing here. You could have goal objectives, session plans for teamwork and the resources a team might need. How to think like a team. How to resolve conflicts. How to see the other point of view etc. Situation repair type thing? The instructor is probably thinking along the lines of structuring boundaries for the group while going for the goal. Telling them where they can get information. I don’t think she would be thinking about NLP unless she has been exposed to that. You could have rapport building in here – there is lots on that. You could also include information on anchoring and the role of anchoring in the workplace.
What about training objectives for coaching? I was trying to think how this would fit. Let’s see, provide training…
<objectives, session plans and resources for a small coaching group… This would be something like us doing the training for Emotionology wouldn’t it?
<The third session says we <have to develop two session plans for a learning program (I don’t
>know what this means at this stage).
What would be a learning program in Emotionology? If we are setting up a meeting to teach coaches a certain technique might work. Pick any technique. You would have to explain about it and demonstrate it. OK…some options…I want to teach the technique Sticky cloud. I would have to demonstrate the thinking model and how thought structures get triggered by outside events. The technique uses our natural ability to generalize so we can fix one memory or event and generalize the resources though a pile of past events at one time to edit them and end up with a different feeling.
If I want to teach the phobia technique I would be able to demonstrate the movie theatre part by using chairs. You would have to explain that fears and phobias happen because irrational fears get trapped in thinking without an exit. When someone is stuck in the emotion the thinking is circular. It goes around and around without them having the ability to access any of their skills. Their skills are blocked.
Pick a technique and I could help you elaborate on it. Has to be pretty simple if you have to do it in 20 minutes. I can think of a rapport technique that would work too. Let me know what you are thinking about doing and I will be glad to help you with it.
Well, think I will get the other computer and watch some videos while trying to get tired and go to sleep. Love Mary
Thu, Sep 3, 2009 at 4:40 AM Hi Mary,
> I am having a lot of anxiety over getting> audited.
Have you done an anxiety destroyer again? Or at least considered the desired outcome? Have you ever been audited before? Seems like you paid cash for a lot of the renovation so I’m not sure how you figure that in. You ran that series of workshops, so there would be some business expenses associated with that. I can’t remember if you had already started working with budget before the end of the year or were doing all of your own lab work.
> I think I am learning what it is like for Lisa > worrying about her future. I really have to stay in the > moment and focus on other things. I am going to call the IRS > up and try to get an earlier apt to get this over > with.
Any luck getting the earlier appointment?
> Today and the last few days have been hell for > Mel and Ellie.
It seems much easier to have clarity on the outside than when someone is all mixed up in a difficult situation. Maybe they are experiencing enough pain that they will actually want to change in a way that improves the situtation. If not, I wouldn’t have the patience to work with them just so they can put a bandaid on a major problem.
> On the good side, Ed solidified the upcoming job > today. … Hope that works
> out for him.
Yes, I hope it works out for him, too. Will he be able to continue with his classes part time?
> I sold 2 more birds today and think I might put > some at a pet shop on consignment.
Good luck getting the bird situation under control before the really cold weather hits.
> The furnace I use for lab work stopped working > 2 days ago but I had a back up
Good thing you had kept that backup and even better that it works so well.
> She is another person who blames others for her > feelings. She also needs to appreciate what she has. At > least she still has a job and money to put down on a > house.
I wonder what it takes for people to develop a sense of gratitude and appreciation and take responsibility for their own emotions.
Thanks for your input on the training session assignments. I have some other assignments ahead of these so will keep your email for when I have some more time to focus on your reply. Do you feel Erin is ready to run some short training sessions? Your ideas would certainly be appropriate for such a situation and she might be able to build up her client base.
Did you end up going to that networking workshop?
I had two interviews and a full day of class today–my brain isn’t working too well tonight. The big job interview turned out to be for a much more senior position than the basic research assistant position I’d applied for. I’m not sure what they saw in my resume because I don’t have any work experience in the areas that they want–coordinating big projects between government/industry/academia and being a technical liaison person to present their research findings. I’m nor sure I would this kind of job–certainly a lot of work.
Hope you were finally able to get some sleep. Love, Lynne
Wed, Sep 2, 2009 at 6:29 AM Dear Ellie and Mel,
What we are doing isn’t working so let’s try something else. Let’s approach this scientifically instead of from an emotional position.
What isn’t working here and what is? In science “nothing” is unstable. Negativity is the closest thing I can find to nothing. Negativity is unstable. Nothing is an unnatural state. Negativity is an unnatural state.
The mind abhors a blank. Not having an answer is a blank. Not having a solution is a blank. These things drive you crazy because we are automatically compelled to have an answer. We are conditioned to the idea that we have to know the answer. If we can’t find an answer we have a tendency to blame someone else. But you are all in this together so the answer has to come from working together. A point to consider – People who complain are looking for other people to change.
Make your own worksheet if you can and come up with your own answers to the following…
What isn’t working and what is?
It doesn’t work to tell each other what to do. No one likes to be told how it is or what to do. Everyone wants free choice but doesn’t feel free because others are infringing on their lives.
It doesn’t work for Ellie to be the only one cleaning house.
It doesn’t work for everyone else to be expected to clean like Ellie wants it clean Before we can do what works we have to look at what is to know what to do.
What are the facts? Give me evidence based information.
You all live in a house that no one makes enough money to afford. Is this true or is someone holding out?
Only one person is working to support the house. I don’t see Ellie or Ted having a job.
There isn’t open, honest, and respectful communication. Too much yelling and complaining about each other.
Where do you want to be?
Can you answer this for yourself?
Collectively what do you want? Here are some things – you fill in the rest.
You want to be able to afford living in this house.
You want to be happy.
You want to get along better.
You want to have freedom from being told what to do?
What has to change for all of you to achieve this outcome?
Wed, Sep 2, 2009 at 1:05 PM
What isn’t working is that I made 6,500. since we moved in in May and put it into the budget and I used 99.00 for myself. This plus Ken is how we are living here.
What isn’t working is the lack of self-awareness that I experience in terms of I can understand and have compassion for the other peoples perspectives and they do not want to hear mine. I feel alone and want to leave. I think the whole family does better when we are not all here together on a regular basis, but doing our own things.
I think things have gotten difficult since Ken is home more, Mel is home all the time and I have not gone away to teach as I used to 1 or 2 weeks a month.
My sister does not really have an impact one way or another – she is doing her own thing and Ken and I agree to provide space. Her mother and father died within 1-month last year and I think she is doing very well for her.
I think things intensify in terms of Mel’s anger whenever we get to talking about his future, gently, lovingly, angrily, it doesn’t matter. He talks about it and it’s ok – he just doesn’t want suggestions from me. He told me he is teaching chess classes and I want to say hey we can advertise for you to tutor chess at the local schools, and I can’t – He says he doesn’t want any suggestions from me.
I was an employment counselor and worked with people on their goals. It is hard for me to contain myself. I do most of the time, from my perspective. It does come out eventually just not at the time that I think would be most helpful.
I want my son to see the light of how easy it is for him to go to school and get paid – rather than work at a low paying job for a paycheck. I am willing to be not here – so that we give each other a great deal of space – while he is working on a transition be it to a job and apt or to graduate school.
I am working – have been seeing only a few clients and setting up workshops away where I do get paid. The last workshop helped a great deal.
I am treated as though I am not working because I am at home. I have now set limits on my time and created a structure for myself.
Forrest lives 7 minutes away – I go there and read, watch TV or phone calls when it is uncomfortable here. He has become a non-issue since my work with Jean Houston re him. Occasionally, I forget and expect him to work with me and he can and then he can’t.
Its ok- I now have compassion for him and don’t expect him to step up like before. We have harmony.
At our house, I would like the same respect that I give. I would like to able to express how I really see things and know that it is safe and that it is just my perspective and not reality in and of itself. Reality, facts are interpreted through emotion-colored lenses. Why is it that Ken and Mel think that their facts are it! Later when I talk with Ken, he can see my perspective. I don’t think Mel chooses to see mine. He calls me crazy, psychotic, schizophrenic and when he said it last time I said. We just have different perspectives on what happens. I also said that if he truly believed I was crazy than he needed to stop yelling at me and have compassion and leave the situation.
I am always the one leaving. Going to my room, going to Forrest’s, I always had some one’s house to go to, when my room wasn’t enough, when there is the banging around and throwing of stuff display of anger and frustration.
Mel needs to stay out of my conversations with Ken re our logistics. Sometimes it feels like a power thing of who can control Ken. Like Mel wants to take Ken to his side, so they both can play and play while I work away. Ken has Mel is his only playmate as well. Ken and I go out to a concert in the park or an occasional walk. They spend much more time together.
Dinner table: Ken and Mel talk about sports and chess. I am not to talk about anything exciting regarding my work directions, my nutritional input anything, however Mel can. He can say whatever he wants whenever he wants, whether I’m on the phone with a client.
I was on the phone with a client in my room and he said: You fucking bitch, which she heard. This was very disruptive to my work. I don’t go in his space uninvited.
I think that what might work is guidelines and accountability in terms of a monthly meeting with an outside person, such as yourself. Perhaps we can establish in our meeting on Thursday:
Guidelines for behavior while living together that might bring peace, harmony and joy.
Some would be limits and perhaps some would be a method for me to feel like I am in my family, rather than trying to jump in. I feel like I am set to respond negatively. As much as I reframe and refrain, I am pushed and pushed for it. It is an excuse to keep the avoidance game going. It is also an attempt to have something to reject in order to get mad enough to leave.
I don’t think it is going to work like that. I think that Mel is too smart and wants to go toward something. I think he needs help with an innovative way to explore his options. He could start with where he is and what has been put before him and realize he can do something and then change his mind and do something else. To get past doing nothing for fear of it being the wrong thing or of thinking it has to be the best thing possible.
We start with something anything and revise from there. It’s what he had to do with his thinking he couldn’t write. I said Mel are you willing to try something – he was on the floor in the fetal position by the computer, about 3 years ago, saying he can’t write. I said get up and sit at the computer and say I can write, and I do it. Then see what happens. IT WORKED. Perhaps something like that can come from you, rather than me.
So that I am not the solution that he needs to get away from. Solution can be separate from mom. I think that they are paired in some ways in his mind and therefore he cannot go towards solutions. To Create the solutions, we need to have respectful interactions and space. We need to apologize immediately when we are not perfect and let it go, so that we can focus on our own stuff. We need to create some things that we do as a family that are fun, without power struggles and with a sense of wanting us all to have fun.
When Mel and I eat alone there is not a problem. When Mel and I and anyone else eat together there is a problem. Sometimes to avoid it I eat alone in my room, gladly. I don’t have this problem with anyone else.
Ken and I have been married for 36 years and we get along better than most people. We have our moments which we deal with well and see the other’s perspective after the fact. We love each other. We do not meet all of each other’s needs. He plays chess, golf and reads. I have my interests. We intersect enough and care enough to have harmony in general. Prior to Mel’s input we had maybe two or three arguments in 17 years.
Sometimes I take more than Ken, sometimes he makes more than me. We have it worked out. When it is not working and one of or both of us are unhappy, we have a meeting. We restructure until we are both happy. When Mel is unhappy he does not want to work on structure and gets mad at any attempts and is despondent. I think that these tools that we have somehow need to be shared with Mel. In the family meetings he gets mad and then one of us is the good guy who comforts him and the other is the bad guy. They do not go well. He seems to think that Ken is placating me and then when they are alone Ken is on his side. Perhaps this is where the problem with this lies??
Perhaps having an outside coach can circumvent the triangulation???? To me structure is the key and needs to be implemented and worked on by all, so that it is what everyone agrees to.
I am willing to look at how to do this differently. I think the same issues would exist if Mel were across town. He would just be doing it in his apartment rather than his room. Solving the issue while we are together is a great opportunity for growth and future relationships being easier for him.
I too am getting on with my goals and therefore may provide a better role model. Instead of seeing Ken and myself as opposing forces in Mel we can see it as different ways of being that complement each other. The conflict that Mel experiences is way more intense than our little comments to each other. Mel choosing to focus on the negative gives his anger a momentum. Energy needs to get focused into doing something rather than anger and complaints.
I am not wanting you to fix Mel, I am wanting you to help him with tools that he can use to feel better and to focus on what he wants to do.
I CAN DO IT AND I DO IT!
Doing it before you know for sure is establishing the momentum to go forward. Keeping the wheels lubricated so to speak. Looking forward to tomorrow’s meeting at 1pm. Thank you, with love and admiration, elleana
Thu, Sep 3, 2009 at 4:07 AM Hi Mary,
Those are great questions. Hopefully Ellie and Mel won’t avoid thinking about some of them at least. It is almost like they are caught in a log jam and if a few things break loose, it might open up a more positive flow of energy for them. Lynne
Wed, Sep 2, 2009 at 4:50 PM
I’m having severe trouble thinking about or even reading your email. For the most part I just want to give up. It just doesn’t feel worth it anymore. Mel
Wed, Sep 2, 2009 at 8:01 PM
What isn’t worth it anymore? What do you want to happen? Ellie wants to get together at 1pm. I don’t want to come unless both of you are up to this. Talk it over with Ellie and Let me know.M
Wed, Sep 2, 2009 at 8:03 PM Ellie,
I am not sure Mel wants to keep the apt tomorrow. Talk it over with him because I don’t want to plan a joint session if you have to drag him into it. Mary
Wed, Sep 2, 2009 at 9:12 PM
I was just trying to say that talking/thinking about the present situation doesn’t feel worth it anymore. This is more how I feel than what I believe. We are both up for it. I’ve started feeling a bit better for whatever reason. Mel
Thu, Sep 3, 2009 at 9:46 AM Hi Mary,
I just asked him do you want to cancel the appointment today or do you want to have it. He said we should do that. I clarified and asked have it or cancel it. He said have it today. He sounded clear and gentle in his response and even looked a little happy about, as far as I could tell.
See you at what time? Do you want facial first or what? Sincerely, elle
Thu, Sep 3, 2009 at 9:56 AM
Hi guys, I want to share my thoughts with you today.
I am having a session with a family today that I am working with. They can’t get along and the mother wants a joint session, so I prepared the questions in the attachment to guide the process. I plan to have each one answer the questions individually without interruption. It is just a guide. I also plan to work with the mother on her feelings in front of her son so he can learn how to work with me. He doesn’t process well and can’t access his feelings but she can. I will let you know how it goes.
I have asked for wisdom on how to proceed with Emotionology and other things. I know I have to eliminate most of my birds before winter and it is a hard decision for me to get rid of all the lovebirds, but I know this interferes with me in my focus on Emotionology. I don’t know why it is hard for me to give them up. I don’t want them in the house – at least like last year as I want to change the living room to a place where I can have a weekly Wednesday night meeting in my living room. It would be $10 per individual – you guys no charge but if you came you would collect the money and run a camera or recording device if we are recording. This way, new material that is developed can be saved for the future. Also, I know we will find people who want to become coaches. Anne and Erin, you should/could do the same in your areas. It would give you great experience and help a lot of people. I will send you my flyers as I get started. I have some things to do before I do that – like redoing the living room etc. But that is the plan. I will be going to AR for a trip before I do the Wednesday night thing too.
It is working well with Ed since he has agreed not to drink during the week and moderately on the weekend. Hopefully that won’t change. Wishing you a good weekend, Love Mary
Thu, Sep 3, 2009 at 9:40 PM To Group
I am sharing this session with you so you can recognize these issues when you come across them. Please keep this in confidence and only as a learning example. I have changed the names.
Today was a very interesting session with Nellie and Fred and then later with Tonya.
Background: Nellie’s mother vacillated between sacrificing for her kids and then closing herself off from them to protect herself. It was like an on and off switch – self-less vs. selfish. She was an example of selflessness which was an example for Nellie to follow that the selfless role makes you valued. Nellie learned how to generate money and developed what psychology would call a messiah complex. If she was the one to always rescue – to save everyone, she saw herself as important and smarter than anyone else. By playing the role of the messiah she could feel good about herself. Using the metaphor of marbles, she controlled all the marbles. She wanted to be responsible for getting all the marbles for everyone else. She could feel good about this because they never were for her. That also made it OK to get the marbles needed for others by any means including taking advantage of others. That kept her in control of everything. Since she had all the marbles and everyone else was dependent on her for marbles, she could dole them out as she pleased and then tell them what to do. As long as she kept them dependent on her, she was important, and she was in charge. She assumed that no one else had the ability to get any marbles for themselves and she told them so.
Everyone around her saw her as controlling and was sick of her telling them what to do. To the others it looks like as soon as she gets any marbles she throws them out to everyone as if she can’t keep any. She tells them all that she would rather get the marbles herself then for any of them struggle and get their own. She is good at it and they aren’t and since she gets lots of marbles to indiscriminately throw out, as soon as she has any they all grab for it because they know it will be gone shortly. Especially since Nellie seems to think she is supposed to supply the world with marbles, they all are afraid if they don’t get theirs when she has a supply that they might be left out. Also, since she has the mission to supply the world, if they get any marbles on their own, they are expected to contribute and sacrifice theirs for her mission. So everyone around her is grabbing at what is left, arguing, complaining that they don’t have enough or that they can’t make any and hiding what they have and pretending they are out of marbles so she can’t guilt them into participating. They are made to feel selfish if they keep any for themselves if they get some on their own and if Nellie has any she would feel selfish if she keeps any and gives abundantly until everything is gone and she never can save any for tomorrow but feels abundant because she has plenty to give in this moment. She thinks she is coming from abundance because she is always able to generate funds to keep things afloat whenever she has to rescue the family or someone.
She doesn’t realize that the Universe gives her an opportunity that she throws away because she doesn’t save any for the future or take care of herself. Why should the Universe keep giving if she just throws it away and creates dependents that are selfish, needy and dysfunctional and don’t want to take care of themselves with no ambition to do anything? She thinks she is wonderful but doesn’t see how she undermines their ambition to do anything or make anything on their own. She thinks she is a good person because she didn’t keep any for herself but as soon as she is out and there is a need she looks back at those she gave to and wonders why they don’t want to give back. She couldn’t understand why they didn’t feel the same mission as she did.
Tonya had a similar problem but in a different way. She had a totally self-centered mom who needed constant attention and did everything including making people feel sorry for her, playing the victim and constantly being sick to get constant attention from everyone around her. Her father was also irresponsible with money and Tonya felt good once as a teen being able to rescue her dad with money. He also played the victim and expected to be taken care of by Tonya. Tonya’s family gave her the role of caretaker and she accepted it although it became a burden in time. She came to believe that her value and role in this world was in being a caretaker so went into the health care field. She became tired of her mother’s pity and victim routine and could see how disgusting that was. But other people outside the family appreciated her caring for them and she felt her value contributing in the health field. Taking care of those people invigorated her, gave her energy, and she could feel on top of the world. She shinned in that role and got a lot of attention, love, and self-satisfaction by being in that role. By playing that role she wasn’t alone – she could feel connected when others needed her addicting her to being needed, rescuing, and care-taking others.
Both Tonya and Nellie surrounded themselves with takers and users because that supported their mission of being there for others. They would have felt selfish and without purpose if they didn’t have these people around them. At the same time they resented those taking from them and not being responsible and making them foot the bill. They couldn’t figure out why no one was there for them. They couldn’t understand why those who they had so generously helped, cared for and sacrificed for resented them and talked to them with disrespect. Tomua just like Nellie doesn’t understand why everyone expects her to take care of them and she doesn’t feel appreciated or loved for anything she does. The feeling that others expect from you gets overwhelming – especially when you have no energy to do anything. No one is there to rescue Tonya but she realizes now she needs to be rescued. She can’t take care of herself, can’t be there for herself because she doesn’t know how to generate energy for herself unless she gets it taking care of someone else. It is just like Nellie who can’t generate money for herself because it can only come through her to be there for others. So it can’t stay with her – it has to be quickly given away because that is the purpose of money – only to give to help others. Money has no values to people who are conditioned to give too much except to be given away to those in need.
When I asked for Nellie and her son to identify behaviors that they observed in each other, her son said it was as if she didn’t like money. If she got any, she had to immediately spend it and she wouldn’t spend it wisely. She had to get rid of it as quickly as possible. Then it would be gone and it was blown so inappropriately that what was spent ended up creating an even bigger money hole. This was because Nellie had the vision to save the world so she would think that big when she had some money and if she got one pile of money she would put a down payment on something bigger but not even think of where the rest of it would come from. This she called faith and trust. This was her abundance. The bigger the dream and the bigger the hole she made for herself and her family. She would enlist other followers with the same rescue issues and they would buy into and support her dream of saving the world, feeling happy they were part of something bigger giving her money. They were as unrealistic as she was.
Nellie also has the problem of taking lots of time in sessions because she has to always share her story and all the details because she feels so insignificant. It is the only way she knows to feel included. If she gets to tell the details she feels gratified in being included. She always felt invisible and not included. Her deep need to feel validated makes the sessions take twice as long as they should. It is hard to cut through the stories and shut her up enough to actually change something and get her to focus on the real problem.
So Tonya, having lost everything and not in a position to play her usual roll, can’t understand why she is depressed, feels empty, alone and disconnected.
However, when someone is addicted to giving and rescuing that role gets heavy because as time goes on, those who were receiving get dependent on the giver, stop looking to themselves to fill their needs and start to expect to get be taken care of. All of a sudden the person who felt valued and appreciated no longer gets the appreciation energy that feeds them. Now they get expectation that confuses them.
Tonya couldn’t get well because she was so impatient with her recovery progress to get back to a position of authority, and being appreciated, that she couldn’t recover. She was desperate to get well to get her practice back. Being desperate doesn’t build health. The stress she felt and disgust of the expectations of her mother in the nursing home were heavy. She is also living with a man that wants her to take care of him and expect she will do that in return for letting her stay there. It’s a convoluted conflict to need to be needed but to have people around you dependent on you that you don’t want to help even if it is your job in life. Giving gives you energy when you get appreciation but takes your energy when it is expected. Tonight Tonya was able to unravel some of her thinking around what was contributing to her problem with depression. She realized that she is valuable to herself and doesn’t need to create such dependency to be worthwhile.
Nellie is another story. She needs her son who worked through this with her to be a constant reminder of what is realistic since he can see reality and can see the issue more clearly. She saw how her behavior didn’t make sense and we started to unravel the problem. Fred is a very smart kid and cares about Nellie but couldn’t understand his anger and frustration with how the whole family system was operating. He was talking disrespectful to his mother and didn’t know why he was or like his behavior but couldn’t stop himself. I can’t work with either Nellie or Fred by themselves as both their problems are so connected. We made a beginning today in 3 1/2 hrs (should have been one) and next session they want the other 2 members of the family to be there in the session. It worked well to have each one talk while the other one listened since they usually only argue and fight. We started with getting the facts – how much did it cost to run the house. How many marbles does it take. Who is responsible? What are the behaviors around the issue. Just getting to the facts was so convoluted in Nellie’s mind that took time to figure this out. For instance, She thought she had made 6,000 for the family with that Jean Houston workshop that cost her a fee of 8,000 to have Jean Houston there. She didn’t count the fact that her friend Forrest had paid the 8,000. Fred could she that she had no idea where she was with things and money. Using the marbles metaphor was the only way to get her to see what was going on. Fred could see how she hides reality from herself and would see what only what she wanted to see. That is why Fred and I couldn’t work on anything previously in private sessions – the whole situation was so insane that he couldn’t make sense of it to explain to me but was reacting negatively to the situation. Both of them feel good and more empowered after the session was over. We settled that they would have to establish exactly how much it costs to live in their big house, how much each one would have to contribute and what was fair.
Nellie had to find her value outside of being of service to others. When someones only value is being of service and they can’t be of service – they want to die. Tonya wanted to die and was suicidal and Nellie wanted to get everyone OK so she could leave the planet. We only got through the first couple of sentences on the list of questions I sent you. But it was progress even though it felt to me like pulling teeth to get there.
On the way home I recognized that some of this issue has also been my journey and I thought about Ed. His father taught him that his only value was what work he could do for the family and his mother made him feel good because he could take over the cooking for the family as he was the oldest. So he cooks and makes fun of my cooking jokingly (doesn’t bother me and I think it is funny since I don’t want to “have to” cook anyway) so he can feel like he is contributing something when he is out of a job. He probably drank more than he really wanted to because he didn’t know what to do with himself while not making money. A person taught like this vacillates between taking care of everything or not doing anything. They can feel good if they are making all the money. Sometimes they berate others when they are in control to show that they are in charge. Sometimes they hate those they take care of because they need those people to feel worthwhile. And if they don’t get back what they give out they are resentful. Many people have different slants to this problem. Since I can’t work with Ed like clients, I spend time telling him what I value about him and what is good about him besides making money. I appreciate his contributions outside of money making and tell him. I explain that we both have to contribute so we can share the marbles. He has never had a situation where he wasn’t the money maker and doesn’t know how to act or how to do life where both contribute and share so I have to tell him how it is supposed to be. If we both feel worthwhile, lovable, independent and giving we can share the responsibility of bills and feel free to have more than enough for ourselves. We are both givers anyway.
I can see how I learned to be a giver and at one time this was off balance too. It started in my first marriage. He berated me and didn’t give me credit for anything. It was the typical put someone down so you can feel good about yourself. It wasn’t until he didn’t have money one time that I was able to shine and get appreciation for who I was by making money to rescue us from the situation he created. Then I too learned to be a good money maker and feel good because I could care for others. Thankfully I didn’t ruin all my kids although I did give them a journey to learn from and behaviors to overcome too. Only because I have worked through this same issue can I help others. Learn from me so you don’t have to experience all these issues yourself.
I hope this has been useful as a demonstration to a common problem you are going to need to see as you work with others. Love Mary
Mon, Sep 7, 2009 at 2:01 AM Hi Mary,
Hope you and Ed are enjoying the Labor Day weekend. Sounds like it has been pretty full on with Ellie and Co. lately. It will be interesting to hear how it goes doing the joint session and whether Mel can understand about feelings by watching you work with Ellie.
> I > have asked for the wisdom on how to proceed with > Emotionology and other things. I know I have to eliminate > most of my birds before winter and it is a hard decision for > me to get rid of all the lovebirds but I know this > interferes with me in my focus on Emotionology. I
> don’t know why it is hard for me to give them up.
Have you tried that process about letting go with the lovebirds? In the past you’ve mentioned being curious about what combinations will show up depending on the breeding pairs. Is there anything currently that you really want to know about them that is making it difficult to give them up? There is nothing to prevent you from starting in again with them sometime in the future.
> I> don’t want them in the house – at least like last year > as I want to change the living room to a place where I can > have a weekly Wednesday night meeting in my living room.
Sounds like a good idea.
> I do that – like redoing the living room etc. But that is > the plan. I will be going to AR for a trip before I do the > Wednesday night thing too.
Hope you can go on both the AR trip and your school reunion.
> It > is working well with Ed since he as agreed to not drink > during the week and moderately on the weekend. Hopefully > that won’t change.
Yes. Maybe it will even improve more! Hope the projects come through for him and he figures out how to juggle the work and school as it seems he could earn better money if he does end up getting that certificate.
The job I applied for came through. At first, I was sure I wouldn’t like it, but after talking some more with the main business person today, I think it might be worth trying. She suggested I give it a 6-month probationary period. This makes it more appealing than committing to a permanent job. I’ll go in on Friday to see the office environment and meet the rest of the staff here at the corporate headquarters. love and hugs, L.
Mon, Sep 7, 2009 at 4:46 PM Hi Lynne,
You seem to be busier as I haven’t heard from you as much. I spent several days on the co-dependent material and was writing and writing until I had Ellie do a facial session with me. That seemed to make the compulsion to think and write. It was one of those constant streams of consciousness again that wouldn’t let me go. Think I sent it to you already but then added to it.
Lovebirds – I seem to have no problem letting go of them if I can sell them. If I can’t sell them then it would be hard for me to just give them away.
We didn’t plan on killing Winston *the rooster) or Samson the duck. But both of them started causing a ruckus in the barnyard and tormenting the other chickens and ducks. It as sad, but that is farm life. I think Helga misses Samson, but all the other ducks are much happier. He was lowering his head and chasing them and biting them.
We invited Kirsten and Jasen Saturday night along with Tom and Miki. Actually, we only invited Miki but she assumed we were inviting Tom. After Tom got here Ed and Jasen ended up having fun with him playing pool so it turned out OK and Kirsten and Jasen ended up getting along and Kirsten stayed over. She had too much to drink. At least this time Ed didn’t drink more than company. He starts school again this week and will be working too so he won’t be bored and wanting to drink. Since it is a holiday weekend we are going out for lunch. It’s a beautiful day. Ed wanted to take a bike ride, but I didn’t feel good about us on the bike.
Hope you enjoy the new job. When do you start? You seem to have a better attitude about it than I have heard from you before. I am feeling better about the tax thing and wrote a letter to them and have talked to the woman investigating it. I have an appointment on the 15th. Asking for wisdom gave me ideas and put me at peace with it. Hope it doesn’t turn out to be too big of a learning lesson. How are the classes coming? Love Mary
Tue, Sep 8, 2009 at 1:33 AM Hi Mary,
Things are about the same. You were writing general group emails so I thought I’d hold off for a bit while you were so caught up in the Ellie/Mel saga.
Glad to hear Ellie does have some real skills. What did the facial involve–like a massage? I wonder why it made the compulsion go away.
> We didn’t plan on killing Winston > *the rooster) or Samson > the duck.
At least both were big enough to have some meat on them!
> We invited Kirsten and Jasen Saturday > night along with Tom > and Miki. …
Glad to hear everyone got along. It’s promising that Ed managed his drinking. Hope the combination of classes and work is a good fit for him. As busy as you’ve been, you were probably ready for a break. Hope the lunch was enjoyable.
Although I think I can probably do the job, I’m not sure that I’ll enjoy spending all day in the office or enjoy the job itself. As I may have mentioned, it is only because I would be committing to 6 months that I can bring myself to consider it. I haven’t formally accepted the job. Will go in on Friday to meet people and see if I can get a better feel for the environment. Will need to wear nice clothes–skirt/jacket to work. Today, went to a good dept. store–jackets $500. Went to several salvation army stores–jackets $12 but couldn’t find one with long enough sleeves in a color that would go with my skirts. Will look some more tomorrow.
> I am feeling better about the tax thing and wrote a > letter to them and
> have talked to the woman investigating it. I have an appointment on the > 15th. Asking for
> wisdom gave me ideas and put me at peace with it. Hope it doesn’t turn out to be too> big of a learning > lesson.
Hopefully now you can sleep better. Fingers crossed all goes well.
> How are the classes coming?
Fine, they’re just a lot of work. Love, Lynne
Wed, Sep 9, 2009 at 3:10 PM Check out these latest posts. HAHA
http://www.flickr.com/photos/29119772@N02/ I want a dog so bad. Hans
Friday, September 18, 2009 at 08:39:56 AM MDT Subject: Re: Need your cell number
Hi Liz,
From you >hi there. i have been meaning to call you but …. i tried the higher >dosage per shrink again, and it just makes me feel in a weird daze. >like i’m not really in my head or that something could happen to >me. i had weird pains all over again this 4 day run of higher meds.
Liz, So, why do it if you don’t like the way you feel? It always seemed to me that the only useful thing about taking drugs is that they might make you feel better. Maybe the drugs are interfering with your desire to do the garage sale. Don’t they make you feel lethargic?
We need to work on:
- Sam’s issues and what you could say to him. (Better he blames me not you) but it is time for him to GROW UP. LOL In issues like this it is always hard for family members to let go and be responsible for themselves. Much healthier though.
- Valuing yourself. (This family I am working with has an interesting twist. On one hand, the mother wants to work if she feels like she is doing it for someone else – like rescuing the family. But if she has to do it for herself – as in if they divide up the bills – she doesn’t want to work. She can’t work for herself because she doesn’t value herself or value taking care of herself – being responsible for self. So, following her example, her son doesn’t want to work so he can’t take care of himself. He is 24 and doesn’t want to get a job that will help him move out and be responsible for himself.)
It isn’t that you have to value yourself because you aren’t doing something for someone else. It is slightly different in that you were feeling obligated and guilty. Those are negative feelings that add to depression. We have to talk about this to straighten it out. It is easy to see your value when others appreciate what you do. It is not so easy to see your value when it isn’t reflected back to you. Also, old unspoken messages of the past that your value only came from doing play a part in this. It is important to find purpose but your purpose can’t be your whole value. There has to be some value outside of this purpose – A purpose for you. The flip side of this is that when you over-care for others, they get the idea that they are not supposed to care for themselves or be responsible for themselves. They get addicted to your taking care of them and the meaning of that care they accept as love and a commitment so they begin to refuse to care for themselves so they can always know they are loved and they kick and scream if they don’t get this attention. - Getting back to work. What could you value about getting back to work? It can give you an excuse not to be caretaking Sam but I think it would be best for you to settle this before going back. How does going back to work look to you when you visualize it?
When will you have time? Hope your yard sale does well. Hugs, Mary
Case Studies to Group (Names changed)
Yesterday I had another session with the Ellie family. She and her son argue constantly, and I am trying to get to the bottom of this. Since I am trading her, I told her that if they argue again she has to pay me cash. I hate arguing. I am considering not working with them but am doing it for the son. He really wants his family to be different. It is another form of drama. She misinterpreted something she learned in NLP – match the other person.
She said she was trying to match her son by continuing the argument. NLP has a match and lead but not for negative things. It is used for times you want to lower someone’s voice. You match the pitch, then lead more softly by lowering your voice. When I asked her to stop responding that way, she said she felt like she was killing herself if she didn’t respond. That went back to her mother slapping her face telling her not to talk back. Their expression of lack of love to each other ended the session with them nit-picking over the bed he got for Christmas that she and her husband now sleep on and them watching the son’s tv and him wanting to charge them for it since when he moves out, he will take it with him and thinks it will be used up. He also is mad about the flashlights they use of his and he wants them to buy their own. This kind of nit-picking doesn’t come from loving each other and she needs to be a better example for her kid. It all comes from the mother and started way before her son was born. Now she has taught him to be this way, but he can see a better way.
I had to work on myself to feel better about the family and to see what I needed to do to not get caught up in their ego communications. It isn’t possible to work with anyone if you are not seeing them through the eyes of love. If they start their arguing again I will simply get up and walk into the bathroom or next room and wait until they quit. Trying to talk above them or interrupt their interactions doesn’t work.
Fred called very angry regarding his father. He just wanted to complain about him he didn’t want to change anything. When someone is bent on complaining, there isn’t much one can do. They aren’t coachable at that time. I listened but didn’t try to do anything with him. The next day I text him and asked him to call me when he was feeling better. He called even though he was still upset about his father and was documenting the things that made him upset. I tried to explain to him that he can only change himself – we have to accept others they way they are but I could help him look at some of the issues bothering him.
I had him put on sticky notes everything that was upsetting him. He had about 9 things and then we took a few off his plate that he couldn’t do anything about. One of the issues was how his father communicated. He felt their communication was shallow. So we talked about how the previous generation has different beliefs about talking and they don’t have the ability to express themselves. Although they think deeply, they were taught not to talk about issues or feelings. He also felt unloved because his father took business phone calls when they were doing activities together. His father is the only one in the household with a job and understandably puts hi business first. He had some unrealistic expectations of his father. We could only approach a few at a time. There seems to be a pattern in the family of resenting and blaming others for how they feel. I asked the mother to talk that issue over with her son and show him how she is an example of taking responsibility for her feelings and accepting where she is on her journey.
Terisa is in a difficult situation. The friend she is staying with asked her if there was any hope that she would be his lover someday. She feels trapped there as she doesn’t have any other place to go and the thought of being a lover with this person is totally repulsive. She has tried to bring out the friendship side and some of the time he is able to see that. However, coming from the scarcity model, desperate for love and affection, he eats the food she gets from food stamps (even though he has his own food stamps) and puts pressure on Terisa to make promises that she will accept a different kind of relationship. She needs to move out of this situation as soon as she can. It is difficult for her to physically recover being dragged down emotionally.
Friday, September 18, 2009, 11:23 AM
Liz, It is important to unravel your own thinking around value and responsibility so that Sam will want to be responsible for himself. Otherwise, he may want to stay a dependent. People get lazy when they have been babied. Unraveling your situation will keep this from happening.
Sun, 20 Sep 2009 Meat Chickens
We raised meat chickens and processed them. Most of them died of heart attacks because they grew too fast.
Meat chickens
Sept 20,2009 It was an experience
Chicken costs – second time we got chickens at Ed’s house
| Item | Price | Qty | Total |
| BLSP BLACK STAR Females (Baby birds are shipped the fastest way possible) | $2.40 | 1 | $2.40 |
| CXRC JUMBO CORNISH X ROCK Males (Baby birds are shipped the fastest way possible) | $1.81 | 25 | $45.25 |
| RIRP RHODE ISLAND RED Females (Baby birds are shipped the fastest way possible) | $2.40 | 10 | $24.00 |
| SLWP SILVER LACED WYANDOTTES Females (Baby birds are shipped the fastest way possible) | $2.65 | 10 | $26.50 |
| SubTotal | $98.15 | ||
| Shipping | $20.50 | ||
| Total | $118.65 |
September 20, 2009 7:39:40 PM Subject: Re: forgot something hi there,
rummage sale was alot of work. only made $280. still have garage full of tables and good stuff that didn’t sell. funny i put higher prices on the stuff i liked and alot of it is still here. 🙂
i’m mad at both boys and am taking off tomorrow. fuck them. steve treats me like shit most of the time and sam is rude too. i’m taking my money and going south, shopping. i’m not telling of the assholes either. think i’ll spend a night in appleton, and then who knows where.
i realize steve and i don’t even like each other. he never like touches me or wants to have fun with me. it’s like he’s always mad. maybe my depression comes from an unhappy marriage all these years. we don’t have anything in common – i don’t do anything that makes me happy.
today i took off and kept phone shut off. fuck them. *L* it feels good to say that. i went 30 miles south to state park and laid on beach. it was warm and early in the day so beach was empty. so peaceful listening to the waves, i miss not going to house on lake. steve doesn’t want to do that anymore. i could shop in appleton a day then head for some cabin on a lake for a couple nights.
i’m even going to take his money. he never lets me spend anything of his. i have to manage on my money same as before when i worked. no break for me. i don’t even know what the damn account number is, i lose face when i get to credit union. *Liz*
well that feels better. i’ll call when i get on the road. i washed some clothes so soon as that jerk i married goes somewhere i’m booking. let them fend for themselves for the week. Hehehe hugs, me, Liz
Sunday, September 20, 2009, 12:17 PM
HUGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes you were right, I have been out of town and going back and forth to mom’s again! she has been in town this week and running me around like crazy!
I am going through a period of self cleansing/purging myself. Interesting process for me.
FILL ME IN ON DETAILS!!!!!
I am coming down with something…hopefully will avert it but am on sudafed/zinc right now and getting thourhg work the next few days…….let me know your schedule!!!! Love, Nikki
Sun, Sep 20, 2009 at 12:58 PM Re: Facebook
I closed my account with that – at least temporarily. I didn’t click on something, and they sent an invitation to everyone in my email list. Freeked me out. Are you doing it? I am having a hard enough time to keep up with other things. Perhaps you can update me on how to do it. Mary
Sun, Sep 20, 2009 at 12:37 PM
Let me know when you are feeling better and have time. I am available most anytime with a day’s notice except when I go to a high school reunion between the 14th to the 18 of next month.M
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 at 6:01 AM
Hi Liz, You are in the place where all relationships end up that are from that old thinking. Not being able to say out loud the things you want to say and not having choices to be happy ends up where there. It is the same for Steve and Ed. In that old system of thinking people can’t be upfront and honest and you are not supposed to rock the boat, so I like to break all the rules. LOL
Ed doesn’t know how to talk about things on his mind, so I have to talk twice as much. He isn’t working right now and has had a job he is waiting for that he thinks would solve all his problems if he could get it going but the guy keeps holding him off or not returning his calls. Ed went back to smoking because he was quitting for me and not for him. I told him that I don’t mind him smoking since he does it outside. However, I won’t buy cigarettes although this isn’t realistic. The realistic part is that I don’t want to support a future of pushing a man around in a wheel chair with emphysema in my old age. He has to come up with the money for it himself so he tries to buy some when we get gas, so it goes on the credit card hoping I don’t know. He is having the experience of being a dependent like most women. But he won’t talk about it. He doesn’t know how. I know the situation throws him into scarcity thinking and fear especially if he isn’t verbalizing out loud. So, I said all this out loud for him and told him that we are going to work things out while he is in school for this year (so he can feel secure) but he has to find a way to buy his own cigarettes. He can sell something if he wants to smoke. As long as I do all the talking, he will listen but tries to stop me by kissing me. I do it in a humorous and loving way, but it is even hard for him to listen then. We all have situations to work out. As long as SOMEONE says these things out loud – breaks the silence- the relationship can be healthy. His not making money takes away his freedom and this is risky when he can’t talk about it either. If he feels he is at risk of losing me so, he can’t be verbal about how he feels, then he has to keep a secret. Secrets are destructive to a relationship even if it is a secret of how someone feels. Not verbalizing creates secrets.
You can’t go on not expressing how you feel to Steve. Someone has to talk. You are both afraid to say something because if you rock the boat, it might all come crashing down. Happiness is worth more than this. If you can say what you need to say without causing a storm it will be OK and that is what I can help you do. If you say, “Change or I am leaving you”, is different than somehow saying, “I love you and want both of us to be happy”. You have to be responsible for your own happiness and you can work this out without Steve changing but it will take a lot more work on your own. Leave a note that you are taking a break to work things out and phone me so we can do that. Love M
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 at 10:35 AM To Group
We are doing some thinking about incorporating Emotionology and so I am sending this on to you as Paul should have included you. It is time to create some solid form of organization as we never know what can happen to us and the work needs to go on to others. I think an LLC can give that flexibility as new members can be included as time goes on. Also, the distribution of shares can change as needed, I think. We need some criteria for those who are part of this – don’t know what that should be. Also, there would be no salary, but distribution based on contribution rather than stock ownership. Your thoughts appreciated. Mary
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 at 10:37 AM
Paul and Erin, I sent this on to Lynne too. She needs to be included. It is time to create some solid form of organization as we never know what can happen to us and the work needs to go on to others. I think an LLC can give that flexibility as new members can be included as time goes on. Also, the distribution of shares can change as needed I think. We need some criteria for those who are part of this – don’t know what that should be. Interest? Contribution? role? Also, there would be no salary but distribution based on contributions or work rather than stock ownership. Your thoughts appreciated.
My youngest son Franz sent Ed a link for a job but he missed it.
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 at 9:25 PM To Frans
Thanks Franz. The one-time Ed didn’t boot up his computer there is a job. Glad you saw these posts he will try for it in the morning. Love Mom
When I met Ed, he had quit smoking for a year and was not drinking for more than a year so I was not aware of his bad habits when I made that commitment. However, Once Ed started smoking and drinking on the weekends, he promised to not smoke in the house. That didn’t last nor did the drinking slow down as once he wasn’t working, and every day became a weekend to have a drink. Difficulties over these issues started to appear. Sister-in-Law Liz was having difficulties in her relationship also.
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 at 6:01 AM Hi Liz,
You are in the place where all relationships end up that are from that old thinking. No being able to say out loud the things you want to say and not having choices to be happy ends up where there. It is the same for Steve and Ed. In that old system of thinking people can’t be upfront and honest and you are not supposed to rock the boat so I like to break all the rules. LOL
Ed doesn’t know how to talk about things on his mind so I have to talk twice as much. He isn’t working right now and has had a job he is waiting for that he thinks would solve all his problems if he could get it going but the guy keeps holding him off or not returning his calls. Ed went back to smoking because he was quitting for me and not for him. I told him that I don’t mind him smoking since he does it outside. However, I won’t buy cigarettes although this isn’t realistic. The realistic part is that I don’t want to support a future of pushing a man around in a wheel chair with emphysema in my old age. He has to come up with the money for it himself so he tries to buy some when we get gas so it goes on the credit card hoping I don’t know. He is having the experience of being a dependent like most women. But he won’t talk about it. He doesn’t know how. I know the situation throws him into scarcity thinking and fear especially if he isn’t verbalizing out loud. So, I said all this out loud for him and told him that we are going to work things out while he is in school for this year (so he can feel secure) but he has to find a way to buy his own cigarettes. He can sell something if he wants to smoke. As long as I do all the talking he will listen but tries to stop me by kissing me. I do it in a humorous and loving way but it is even hard for him to listen then. We all have situations to work out. As long as SOMEONE says these things out loud – breaks the silence- the relationship can be healthy. His not making money takes away his freedom and this is risky when he can’t talk about it either. If he feels he is at risk of loosing me so he can’t be verbal about how he feels then he has to keep a secret. Secrets are destructive to a relationship even if it is a secret of how someone feels. Not verbalizing creates secrets.
You can’t go on not expressing how you feel to Steve. Someone has to talk. You are both afraid to say something because if you rock the boat it might all come crashing down. Happiness is worth more than this. If you can say what you need to say without causing a storm it will be OK and that is what I can help you do. If you say “Change or I am leaving you”, is different than somehow saying, “I love you and want both of us to be happy”. You have to be responsible for your own happiness and you can work this out without Steve changing but it will take a lot more work on your own. Leave a note that you are taking a break to work things out and phone me so we can do that. Love M
My youngest son Franz sent Ed a link for a job but he missed it.
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 at 9:25 PM
Thanks Franz. The one time Ed didn’t boot up his computer there is a job. Glad you saw these posts he will try for it in the morning. Love Mom
When I met Ed, he had quit smoking for a year and was not drinking for more than a year so I was not aware of his bad habits when I made that commitment. However, Once Ed started smoking and drinking on the weekends, he promised to not smoke in the house. That didn’t last nor did the drinking slow down as once he wasn’t working, and every day became a weekend to have a drink. Difficulties over these issues started to appear. Sister-in-Law Liz was having difficulties in her relationship also.
Tue, Sep 22, 2009 at 3:27 AM Hi Mary,
Thanks for including me on this. I don’t have any experience with forming an LLC or corporation. My brain still isn’t firing on all cylinders to even make sense of what Paul has written. I trust your business sense. L.
Tue, Sep 22, 2009 at 9:32 PM Hi Lynne,
Literally spent the whole day on the phone working with Ellie, Jessica, Lisa and Erin. Did some lab work and took my car into the shop. I have to replace the right rear bearings, breaks, replace water pump and belts. Might be as much as a grand but at least I can go on the trip safely. Erin is writing something on being addicted to feedback. I added to it but she needs to rewrite it.
Hope you feel better soon. Love Mary
Wed, Sep 23, 2009 at 3:26 AM Hi Mary,
Wow–sounds like a lot to do on the car. I thought it was pretty new. Anyway, at least you’ll have a good working car for traveling.
Seems that now you’re focusing more on Emo., formal/informal clients are stepping in to make use of your time. Hope you’ll be able to keep some time aside to work on getting material out to a wider audience.
I’m slowly getting some energy back–just enough to be short- tempered rather than a zombie. Better get to work on assignments. Love, Lynne
Wed, Sep 23, 2009 at 8:34 AM Hi Lynne,
The car has over 120,000 miles on it – 2005. It is about time to fix some things and better than a payment on a new one. I like the car, so it is worth it.
Working with people lately has given me more to write about and that is good. We are working on a book here about co-dependency. Erin adds to it after I write on it and then we will send it to Jessica Cook – an English teacher – to edit it. Jessica is joining our Emotionology group. I am pressured to do my lab work today so this is short. Worked more with Ellie on the phone last night and think we finally got to the bottom of her conflicting behavior. Seeing them Thursday AM. Give yourself time to heal and stay in touch. Love Mary
Thu, Sep 24, 2009 at 6:30 AM Hi Mary,
You’ve zipped around a lot in that little car! Hope the mechanics do a good job for you.
Hope you were able to get your lab work done. When you get further along, I would be interested in reading about the co-dependency stuff you and Erin are putting together. I would guess this project allows Erin to feel like she is making some progress at getting something put together.
It will be interesting to see what trickles through if you have gotten to the bottom of some of Ellie’s problems. Even though none of the family are happy, I’m betting that inertia maintains some of the old, negative habits.
For the first time in a week I finally feel like I’m almost back in the land of the living. Really need to work on being patient with the IT guy at work…will look at where I store an image of him as trying to be rational about it isn’t helping me change my behavior and it’s getting in the way of getting things done for the highest good of all. Need to go to bed now. Love, Lynne
Saturday, September 26, 2009 5:25:15 PM Subject: Re: This really struck me as funny
hi there, i understand u are out in yard. ed called, talking to steve. it’s funny cuz i had poured myself some wine, finished making apple pie, stuck it in oven and ed called. i have an old cd of warren zevon blasting. just like the 70’s. *L* i wonder what the boys are going to think of this. sam and joe are outside playing football in lot.
What’s new? hope your chicken turns out good, they used to be really good 30 years ago when steve’s mom baked them. *S* god, i feel like a young 20 something inside. must be the reisiling.
visited with shrink thurday. told her no more prescription drugs, she wanted me to take lithium. i haven’t even looked it up but remember it from 50’s psychiatric care readings. i’m going back to work Oct 7, will work 3 days, then off for a week (millwide shutdown), then back to work. so i’m taking charge of meds, i’m down one – wellbutrin. still on 60 mg cymbalta, coming off of feeling nuts from 90 mg of cymbalta. we’ll see. i seem to have anxiety about going back to work, but i feel more cheerful overall.
Old ed brought me some pumpkins from the camp. i piled them up on shelf on front porch. i’m going to cut one out and make bouquet with some stuff from yard. i have ornamental grass, sedums, mums, colorful branches off bushes, hosta leaves, etc. something for front porch.
what’s new with kids? how is that new baby? you’re lucky to be grandma. hehe. wish i was. new life gives me a fresh outlook.
well i better pour more wine and watch my apple pie bake. don’t worry about supper, but can cook dessert. *S* hugs, me Liz
I was so busy supporting us and also due to my “live and let live attitude” that I wasn’t paying attention to the fact that I was doing EVERYTHIGN. I did all the grunt work of remodeling and yard as Ed only knew welding and I knew how to do plumbing and electrical work. He was afraid of electricity. He also had arthritis his hands. I was keeping up the yard, doing lab work, seeing coaching clients, remodeling, paying bills etc. During that time I tried raising chickens – we ended up to having 60. Wrote a book that I published that is still out there “How to raise Backyard Chickens” by Mary Hallgren.
We Learned to make wine and hard alcohol. I didn’t drink but was curious. Like all couples we had many things to work out.
We took several trips to Michigan to visit his other brother and parents. I got to know Liz well, Ed’s sister-in-law and fixed her teeth. In the years to come, they started not wanting Ed to visit because of his drinking. I was trying to survive the problems with Ed. I spent time off and on living in my shed at my rented house just to have time away from him so I could think. They became like my family as I completely redid Liz teeth and worked with her on her thinking.
Sunday, September 27, 2009 1:41:19 PM Subject: Good morning. Hi Liz,
It is afternoon there by now but morning here. The chicken turned out good but Ed never cooks meat long enough. It could have been cooked in the oven an hour more. This is the first time he has admitted it could cook longer. Progress…
I guess we will try another bunch of meat chickens and then we will have one for each week. Spiky is finally laying eggs. It will take a few more months for the rest of them to lay. Can’t wait. The ducks seem to be worthless so far.
Your bouquet for the front porch sounds beautiful. How did it turn out? I am enclosing a picture of that snail planter I found. Tried to send it in text mail but couldn’t do it. I brought some plants in as it is getting cold here at night. I suppose that winter is setting in there. Glad you are standing up for not taking any more drugs. Those doctors only feel like they are valuable if they can medicate you. A person I work with here has the same problem with her dr. She is trying to get her energy back after a long bi-polar episode and feeling depressed. We worked on her depression and then discovered it was really overwhelm not depression anymore. The doctor kept pushing drugs on her, so she took them home but didn’t take them and looked them up on the Internet and found they cause suicidal tendencies. She was already feeling suicidal from the other meds she was taking. She has learned that she has to take over responsibility for what she needs and listen to herself more than the doctor. Seems you are learning that too.
When would you have time to work on going back to work? It wouldn’t take long but if we could make it easier for you that might be helpful so you could look at it as more fun than work.
The new baby is fine I guess. Since they live in TX I don’t have the opportunity to see her. My daughter here might be adopting a baby though. I have a friend that has a son that has 2 children already and was living with a girl, but she was bring men home while he was at work. She ended up in jail and doesn’t want to keep the baby. It would be 1/2 white and 1/2 Spanish. I am trying to keep her from being too caught up in this as one never knows what is going to happen. She could lose it or change her mind. Miki is going to visit her in jail in a few weeks. Then we will see.
Last night we were having a few drinks before dinner too. That is when Ed usually phones his brothers. I only had one drink but felt bombed and was carrying my plate to eat outside and tripped. Dinner went everywhere LOL> Bruszie liked that.
Give me a call whenever – love to hear from you even if we don’t work on something. Mary
Sat, Sep 26, 2009 at 9:53 AM
this baby picture of Ruby looks like Franz as a baby Ruby
Sunday, September 27, 2009 1:41:19 PM Subject: Good morning Hi Liz,
It is afternoon there by now but morning here. The chicken turned out good but Ed never cooks meat long enough. It could have been cooked in the oven an hour more. This is the first time he has admitted it could cook longer. Progress…
I guess we will try another bunch of meat chickens and then we will have one for each week. Spiky is finally laying eggs. It will take a few more months for the rest of them to lay. Can’t wait. The ducks seem to be worthless so far. M
Monday, September 28, 2009 4:33:12 AM Subject: Re: Good morning it must run in families for undercooking meat/chicken. *L* steve is the same way, unless he is grilling steaks. we like them rare and he doesn’t seem to get that. i’m paranoid about meat not cooked throroughly. he woke me up this a.m. so it’s the crack of dawn. i took extra meds to sleep last night too.
we’ll have to work on returning to work cuz the date is oct 7. part of me is very apprehensive about returning to work. i am not sure why. i’ll be back wed, thr, fr and then we’ll have a week off work. it’ll be like two returns to work. one is bad enough. i would appreciate it very much if you would help me with it. 🙂 my head still isn’t together right, some crying, but at least i should be stable with meds in a few days. it’s been over a week since taking exra dosages.
my bouquet is still in my head. i never finished it but did get the right pumpkin for the job. there’s a guy about 7 miles from here who leaves all his pumpkins out and you’re on your honor to leave the money or check in money can. there’s always money in can too. maybe today i’ll get to it. i did work in yard. you won’t believe it but my flower pots still look really good. we haven’t had any cold weather yet. i think it’s staying in denver. hehehe my morning glories are gorgeous growing over that arbor we bought at sale. i’m surprised they are blooming so late, but i was at dad’s and his are the same way.
it’s been raining for two days here off and on. i’ve been packing up garden art and dumping some pots. tripp is no help with it either. either he’s running around with empty pot in his mouth or digging. i finished up cleaning out garage from rummage sale and can finally park in garage again. i just missed a big thunderstorm last night. i ran from dad’s house to car door in a downpour but at least was able to park in my dry garage. unfortunately tripp and steve were in it too *L*. they were really wet.
i had some wine the other night when ed called. i was cooking some weird potato recipe i found on raquel ray show when in was in appleton. it is hard to drink and cook. hope you didn’t hurt yourself falling down. glad bruszie was there to help pick up. *L* that would be tripp. he ate some raw venison that was supposed to be lunch for the camp guys last week and stunk up house with gas for days. damn dog. what a pack rat.
mike called last night and said he might be coming home in november for a visit. we got disconnected from storm going thru. he called back later and talked to steve. jean isn’t working much cuz of economy but he’s hanging in there. carol and tom are coming at the end of october. i’m not looking forward to that either. she sits and drinks wine and that’s about it. i’m not chatty cathy and can’t sit for 24 hrs with her and family. maybe we should work on that too. *L*
well i better get some coffee and write to nephew in jail. haven’t written to him for 3 weeks. ttfn, hugs,me Liz
Mon, Sep 28, 2009 at 5:06 AM Hi Liz,
We woke up early too this morning. My son showed up last night back from Craig, CO needing to wash his clothes. He quit his job and is back in Denver. He is going to hang out at a girlfriend’s house while he looks for a new job. I hope he didn’t make a mistake by quitting. He hated it in Craig, and they didn’t pay enough for him to survive. His bachelor’s degree was in film and photography, which isn’t very practical. I am going to teach him how to make teeth. Then he should be able to apply all over the US for a job and get one for better pay.
I ordered another batch of chickens – this time all males for meat chickens. They get bigger faster. We should be able to get 15 pounders. I also ordered 15 more laying chickens – 5 Rhode island reds and 10 laced wyndots. We got our second egg yesterday from Spiky. She is a good chicken – acts like an old lady. I still hate the ducks. They are so annoying with their grunting/quacking, the mess they make, and their neediness. Ed likes them though. I will have to fence off another new area with the new chicks coming. This time I will make sure and keep checking on how much I spend to see if it is worth it.
Didn’t hurt myself falling down. Just a little cut on my hand. Ed is excited about his school today as he goes on a new project learning to use some equipment that he has owned for a while but didn’t know how to use. He got a nasty burn on his hand last week from the torch. Worries me – he burned a hole right through his gloves.
Yes, let’s work on your stuff. That will be fun. When do you want to do that? We can talk about it first to see what might be behind it. I will be around most the day just doing things here if you want to call. I can call your home phone back if you need me to. Think I’ll get some coffee going here and get up. Luv Mary
Tue, Sep 29, 2009 at 7:32 PM Well…..call me. Mary
October
Sun, Oct 4, 2009 at 9:55 AM
Mel emailed me that Dorothy reversed the charge on her credit card. What are the consequences for you with this? What are your alternatives? I think it will just stay on your account as a negative until you make it up with some penalties of course. It seems to me that it is time for Ken to step up.
Although I am not interested in doing charity work, I can put a session on the tab if you need to work on this. I really believe if you learn what you need to learn the situation drops away. I am here for you if you need to talk some. Mary
Mon, Oct 5, 2009 at 8:15 PM Hi,
thanks for your perception and caring offer. I sold and pawned jewelry today and raised 1500 of the 2700 that is needed. I told Ken he needs to ask his collegues for help as well. I cannot raise anymore. I have 1 client that owes me 225 and it is two weeks now. I will contact her again. The problem is fees come out of this merchant account and therefore when it goes negative they will begin charging 35 per transaction.
I have felt like a problem solver. I have not been distressed. This seems to make sense and i hav applied for a great job and am working on getting letters of rec and transcripts for that. I am going to job fair at CU tomorrow. it is for alumni and students. It is 150 hiring companies and internships.
Mel is not going “he has to prepare for his chess class”. ???? Anyway, I look forward to going tomorrow.
AS I told Mel I did not feel a need to work on anything. I am sure that all the work that we di made it so this is not stressing me. It’s just another challenge. It is the ending to previous issues and the beginning of new solving skills.
I would like to wait to pay you unless I get a large amount prior to your trip. If I can find more stuff to sell/pawn I will. Tomorrow is focused on getting work.
Just getting the money now only is the immediate solution- sooo I am going to CU tomorrow.
It was hard to give up a 1 caret 25,000 ring for 650. and so forth! However, it is only temporary and a good solution. I woke up at 6am with that idea! Anyway, thanks, Mel seems to be handling his decision not to help and wanting to ok. I told him I am proud of him for not getting angry and judgmental and for his decision no matter what it was.
The work you did was magnificent! Thank God it preceded this. With Love and Gratitude,
Elle (please use gmail,i only check this once in awhile)
Mon, Oct 5, 2009 at 8:51 PM
U need to send me your gmail account. I don’t have it anywhere. I admire the way you are holding together with everything being flung at you at once. Mel is learning not to rescue but to tap into when it feels right to help. He was impressed that you took charge and raised as much as you did. I think it is right that Ken find a way to help fix this too as he is in this journey with you.
Love and hugs, Mary
Tue, Oct 6, 2009 at 8:49 PM
Yes, thank you so much. [email protected] Love and Hugs to you, have a great vacation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Next year I will make enough money so that Ken and I can go away each year! I am having fun applying for jobs, I can’t wait to go to work. 5 of them really got me interested today! E
October 9, 2009 IRS To Whom It May Concern:
I am including a copy of my 2007 tax papers along with my 2008 tax preparation. I was audited in 2007 and did not have this copy when I was audited and was very confused about the time period and facts as I was in temp housing at the time and had lost most of my back up info and didn’t have copies of my tax papers. My tax person became ill in 2007, e-filed my 2007 taxes and never sent me a copy until recently. That is when I noticed that the copy of my taxes from my tax preparer was very different from what was filed online and given to me by the IRS agent.
In 2007 I had 3 businesses but ended 2 of them in 2007 and only kept the dental lab. It was a new lab and there seems to be a misunderstanding with the tax preparer as I owned a different lab previous to this. Denver Custom Crown & Bridge was a start up in 2007 and I continued the business until July 2008 at which time I abandoned the business. The business was a total loss. The dental business is not good at this time as most dentists now send their lab work for crown & bridge to China. Because of the lateness of my tax preparation for 2008, I have prepared it myself. The software that I was using didn’t let me enter the deductions on schedule C so I have included a copy of my details for explanation including mileage. As shown on my copy, I outsourced to 2 other labs – ADT inc and Morrow Labs. I received SSI payments of 6,748.80. I also worked part time for another lab (Budget Dental Lab) to support my start up lab. I rented a space other than my house and moved out of this space the end of July as I could no longer hold on to the business. I was in a graduate program the beginning of the year and paid tuition as reflected on the tax preparation but had to drop out the middle of the year. Sincerely, Mary Hallgren
Tue, Oct 13, 2009 at 10:05 AM Leaving for Michigan – see you there. Mary
Fri, Oct 16, 2009 at 7:22 AM
Some pics from the reunion.
Hope to see my brother Tom this am and then heading out to your place.
Oct 19, 2009
On the road
Thu, Oct 22, 2009 at 1:58 PM Visit Lisa Potter
Fri, Oct 23, 2009 at 10:08 AM Hello everyone
I got home last night after 6 hrs of driving in a snowstorm at 35 miles per hr. The trip home from Fayetteville was a long tedious one. You can’t imagine how slow the miles tick off at that rate. I thought I would NEVER get there.
I left a message for the chicken group online so I might be able to meet them when I visited my daughter who lives in AR. Lisa called me and was sooooo friendly and wanted me to see her animals in Hector, AR. It was fun meeting “Chicken Lisa” and her friend Penny. She has chickens, goats, turkeys, and horses and lives with a man like I do with Ed. It is so funny to imagine her putting a diaper on her chicken to bring it into the house to watch TV with her. She was a riot and very nice. She even bought me lunch in a small town near her. She took me around to look at many places that were beautiful.
Seeing all the people at my class reunion in Michigan was very interesting too. I couldn’t remember much from the past and no one looked at all like they looked then. It was like meeting people that I never met before but they knew a lot about my past that I didn’t remember. My high school friend Mary told me about all the fun we had and some of the crazy things we did. I don’t remember anything as it was a bad time for me and I was blocking all my bad feelings which also blocked my good ones and caused me to not record anything in my memory. 3 members of our class have died of cancer.
I saw my brother Tom the morning I left. I was surprised how good he looked and it was nice to know he was a very sane and nice person. I had not really talked to him ever or seen him since my 9th grade. He is still happily married. He has 2 daughters and one granddaughter. Then I left for my younger daughter Marcie’s house in Conway, AR. I liked taking my time and going when I please. If Ed had come I would have had to have a schedule and he would be driving all the time with all the controls LOL.
Visiting Marcie was nice. We went to lunch a few times and I hung around. They have 4 dogs but they keep them very clean and nice. She has a beautiful house and a good life. I went on to see Chicken Lisa from there and then on to Fayetteville to see my old friend Cheryl but she was having caterack (sp?) surgery that morning so I looked around and took pictures in Fayetteville where I have lived for a time in the past. Then spent the night. Cheryl was staying to recover with her mother (who is 95 and very with it) and seemed to be about age 70. I slept on the couch and woke up early checking my phone to see what time it was and found that I had gotten a message from my son, Hans. He said his car had been totaled while he was in a bar. Some drunk lady without insurance had hit it and pushed it a block and then into some other cars. I knew it was time to go home so just got up and left. I would have stayed longer if that call had not come but it was good that I left as the storm would have been even worse and the baby birds came into the post office on my way home. Ed had to go get them and we almost lost all of them that night. If I had not gotten home they would have died. They all got into the water in the night and got soaking wet and cold and were about dead when I found them. I was able to revive all except 2 of them. They are doing well now. If I didn’t have all the experience I have had with birds they wouldn’t have made it. It is good to be back.
It is time to get on with Emotionology. I will be marketing here starting Monday. Any ideas you have to market are appreciated. Erin, you and I can work on this. Just wanted you all to catch up with me about the trip. Love Mary
November
Mon, November 2, 2009 3:18:35 AM
Subject: Re: These networking ideas fit well into what we know with Emotionology and Rapport
Thanks for this, Mary. Might come in handy as I’m flying out to Perth tomorrow to meet more people. Hope things are going well on your end. Did you get rid of the lovebirds before the snowstorm? Love, Lynne
I had every color of lovebird that I raised and was selling from a previous business. I finally sold them out the 2nd year living with Ed
Tue, Nov 3, 2009 at 2:52 AM Hi Lynne,
I can tell you are very busy with the job and class. I know what that is like. It is hard to keep up here too. I still have 3 pairs too many of the lovebirds but sold a big cage yesterday. Downsizing isn’t easy with the economy, but they are all inside and will perhaps sell around Christmas. Keeping up with the new chickens isn’t easy with the weather getting colder. I have only one dentist now, so money is tight and I am in the process of Emotionology marketing. Erin is busy too so don’t know how that will go. Ed and I had a little rocky road yesterday due to an incident but that has smoothed over. Life goes on and we all just need to hang in there from day to day.
Love Mary
Tue, November 3, 2009 5:37:00 AM Subject: Re: Creative humans have more FUN
Funny – I was thinking about you and how things are going…… as seems a while since we’ve been in touch. Am still making boats and still trying to sell yet the first one, but it will happen….. Perseverance is the word of the day. Have been living in the shop for the last six months or more and find it enjoyable; keeps me closer to the work 😆Hope all is well with you Like hearing from you g
Sat, Nov 7, 2009 at 3:12 PM Hi Mary,
Perth was good for meeting people, but didn’t have the opportunity to see much–luckily not there long enough to adjust to the 3 hour time difference. Am starting to get a better feel for what
my job entails–even though I’ve been really busy in it, I’m only beginning the research liaison part.
On the plane I read a little book called The Ant and the Elephant: leadership for the self. It’s an analogy of how the conscious mind (the ant) and the unconscious (the elephant) interact and how we can move ahead when these are in alignment with our “core” values. What was missing is what Emotionology has to offer–the tools to bring these into alignment.
If you’re around, we could use skype. I’ve been doing it with my sisters/mother and it works great.
Did Miki decide on the baby? Hope baby Ruby et al are thriving. Did Hans get a job?
What’s happening with Ellie & co. and Lisa?
Hope Ed is getting more jobs to make up for the decrease in your dental business. Glad you were able to quickly resolve the “rocky road” incident with him. Sounds like the economy isn’t picking up as quickly as predicted.
Better get back to assignments. Love, Lynne
Mon, Nov 9, 2009 at 4:09 AM Hi Lynne,
Sounds like you are settling into your job better. It is interesting in that analogy that they made the Ant (smaller) the conscious mind and the elephant (bigger) the unconscious. Would like to read that. Where can one find it?
I will have to figure out the Skype thing. I used to have it on my big pc but that is out in the lab and I can barely keep it working to do invoices on. My mac doesn’t have sound and will have to see what it takes to get the pc laptop working. Can you send me a link to download it?
Ruby is doing well it seems. I had been out of touch with Franz quite a bit as he seemed to misinterpret my intentions and create a drama. Took a chance the other night to send him an email update acting as if nothing had happened with them, and he called and was normal again. Miki is cautiously anticipating the baby. The mother is undecided on keeping it even though she has never taken care of any of her other babies. She just has difficulty giving them away. Sounds like a conflict. Miki is possibly closing on a house so that keeps her busy. Hans is struggling with his life. They are moving to Oregon (he and Shala) but since his car was totaled (I told you about that?) he has no vehicle and hers was junked, he is borrowing my car and I am using the truck since I am working on fixing the house to re-rent it. The house was trashed and there is much to do. Ed is slow at helping but we almost have the back fence finished. I am plugging away at the rest. He is having difficulty at his school as the instructors are all fighting and he thinks his (which is the only good one) is quitting. He can’t see going to a school that is like watching South Park every day. He still can’t find any work but we are skimping along.
I think the way to go is the Meetup group for Emotionology. Did you check it out? You could join and participate from there.
Lisa is driving me crazy and I am about to cut her off. She sabotages every option. I take her calls as long as it doesn’t interfere in my life too much. I don’t want to be her friend and it is not a professional relationship, So, I take it one day at a time. She still wants to kill herself. Don’t hear from Ellie – she is trying to get a job and they are working things out.
The economy isn’t expected to change here much. Everyone is going to have to learn to have abundance despite living through scarcity. It is a perfect time for E coaching. Love Mary
Mon, November 9, 2009 8:27:16 PM Subject: Website Home Page Hi Mary,
I’ve attached 2 word.docs. Emotionology Home Page
- credentialing page updated to reflect.
- 192 hours in class time
- 36 hours self study (at 3 hrs/month)
- 104 hours being coached by peers (at 2hr/wk)
- 104 hours coaching peers
- 104 teleclass hours
- removal of # of clients required (CPA, CFA etc and other professional credentialing bodies don’t have this … after 504 hours, an oral exam and a written exam students deserve the CEC)
- Let me know what you think! Erin
- Sat, Dec 12, 2009 at 9:22 PM
- These are the requirements for ECI Students to replace material under “Credentialing”.
On the first page we had upcoming events that need to be updated and Events moved to a sidebar and link to .
Put “Search for us on Meetup.com in Denver, Alaska, Florida, & Arkansas” Mary
Fri, Nov 13, 2009 at 3:43 AM Hi Mary,
Life is too busy at the moment–I’m really looking forward to having this class be over in a couple of weeks–still some big assignments left to do…Will check out meetup and other things once I’m finished with the class.
“The ant and the elephant: leadership for the self” by Vince Poscente. 2004. Cornerstone Leadership Institute. Dallas TX http://www.skype.com
Glad to hear baby Ruby is well–hopefully she’ll learn some better communication styles than her parents currently have!
Fingers crossed that Miki can have the baby and that she can actually close on the house.
Hope things work out for Hans in Oregon. Is the local economy better there than in CO? I know my niece is still struggling to find a decent job in Fort Collins.
Too bad Ed’s school is in such chaos. It seemed like a pretty good situation at the beginning. By now, he is probably a better teacher than some of the people there. Maybe if he could hold out long enough to get the certificate, he could get a job teaching there??
Sounds like you’re keeping really busy, too. Hope fixing up your little house after the tenants left isn’t too major of a project and that you can get more responsible people in there.
Would it be worth doing a technique on what kind of outcome you would like for the Lisa situation–at least so it is resolved to your satisfaction whatever she choses to do for herself?
Love, Lynne
Fri, November 13, 2009 7:45:39 AM Subject: Re: Who are you? Hi Mary,
Don’t know about an unsigned e-mail. It’s good to hear from you. Sorry you have to hassle fixing a house in the wake of irresponsible renters. We are fine. Darrell had the flu, probably the Swine Flu, for a month, complete with the tell tale sign of the fake recovery then the relapse.
But he is well now. I coerced him into getting a job by threatening to move out. He plowed through every penny of his money then started depending on my largesse. I put limits on how much I would allow him to use me as his support…so when he reached a debt to me of $5,000, I told him he better get work or I would move out. I don’t make enough to support both of us in the townhome we have been renting for the last 2.5 years. Anyway, he is now working in the electronics department of Walmart. Hardly any money, but it did signal the universe that he was
willing to accept a paycheck, and now his business as a capital consultant is beginning to flourish and pay some REAL money. Business at the salon has been booming since August and I see good things coming for the holiday season. I would really like to buy a home and get a garden planted, but the lending practices are making it hard for me to qualify. Darrell has to have some bucks to put in the deal before we will be able to do that. If that situation occurs, we will be first time home buyers, so to speak, in the middle of April, 2010, and the Federal tax credit will still be in effect. That would be a nice rebate! How’s your romance going? Glad to hear you are still promoting Emotionology.
I have the same schedule as always…off Sundays, Mondays and Tuesdays.
Let me know if you have some availability for us to meet…and pray for good weather! Lotsa love Catherine
Sun, Nov 15, 2009 at 10:25 PM
Good to get an update from you. All relationships go through changes…I guess we have to learn to roll with the punches. Sounds like you are dealing with Darrell to get results. Sorry Darrell had the flu – and you didn’t get it. I have been taking extra vit D and think that helps ward it off.
Darrell should check out the meetup.com site. It is such a great venue and think it would help his capital consulting. Look up http://www.meetup.com/Denver-Emotionology-Coaching-Group/ I would really like it if you would join me in this group. You could post some great comments in the message place. At least check it out. Need to get some flyers out so people know it is there.
Glad your business is booming. Now is a good time to buy a house cheap. My daughter may be closing on her first-time house buy the end of this month. She bid on about 5 before she got this one. The banks are not putting all the foreclosures on the market to keep the prices up but that would probably end if the tax credit ends. Still there are some good buys out there now.
The romance? Well, we have settled into a stable (sort of) long term relationship. The only problem we have is if he drinks Rum. He likes rum and coke and when he drinks it, he gets overly affectionate and drives me nuts. It is ok if that doesn’t happen too often. He is a really sweet guy and very loving. He is in a new school program to go farther with his welding, and we will see how that works out when that ends in January and he looks for a new job. Would like to get together – you and I soon – it would be too much trouble getting the guys into it. I would rather have some private girl time with you. Love Mary
Mon, Nov 16, 2009 at 9:03 AM Hi Mary,
Let me know your upcoming schedule and we can meet in Castlerock, if you like. Give me some lead time, as I have been booking personal appts on Tuesdays, so a Monday would be better, but a Tuesday can be arranged, depending on my prior commitments! Lotsa love Catherine
Sat, Nov 21, 2009 at 10:50 AM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:UserLogin We need to sign up to log into Wikipedia to get Emotionology on it and have a page explaining it. Looks sort of complicated on how to do it.M
Sat, Nov 21, 2009 at 9:40 PM Hi Mary,
Hope all is well. Is the training session for Alaska still scheduled? What part of using Wikipedia to describe Emotionology looks complicated? Getting a log in looks straightforward. I’m guessing that once you have an account, you will be able to create a new page that has a template that you can fill in. You have plenty of written stuff about Emotionology so it would mostly be about cutting and pasting the relevant info into the appropriate places. Or have I missed something obvious? Just spent the last two days in Adelaide, South Australia. One day full of meetings and one day sightseeing.
Am now rushing to finish off assignments… Love, Lynne
Mon, November 23, 2009 7:06:04 PM Subject: Mary to Sunny
38.47
15.53 These were the shipping charges. When are you doing the last crown?
Tue, Nov 24, 2009 at 7:31 PM Re: Are we okay? Re: I added wrong… 55..so I’ll put another 15 in the card and get it off tomorrow
I agree, Sorry, I was over stressed today and only said what Ed had said to me when he found out what I was doing for you the other day. I really wouldn’t care IF you were getting money for that but thanks for telling me. I left you a message on your phone about what was going on and that was less than half of it. There is no problem with our relationship with me – you are like family to me. And, I hope you can like family excuse a hasty pressured remark. Love Mary
November 24, 2009 10:32:01 AM Subject: Are we okay? Re:
I added wrong… 55..so I’ll put another 15 in the card and get it off tomorrow
Hey are we okay?….. I will not get money for the receipt…Twice a year my rent assistant for housing is evaluated and depending on the rent market, which has gone up, they re-adjust the rents, I can send in all my medical expenses not covered by medicare, extra, and show out of pocket monthly expenses to come for the following 6mo. then they add those up then take a % like 10% and deduct that from my portion of my part of my housing rent I pay every month…so it save live $40 per month…, but 40 is a lot when you live on 800 per month.
I greatly treasure you as my friend/ family and if the bridges and crowns are going to jeopardize our relationship for me it not worth it cause you mean more to me then that, let me know, I understand you have a lot going on right now…wish I could help you some way, let me know…have a great thanksgiving and again losing our friendship is not worth any price.
Blessings Sunney
Tue, Nov 24, 2009 at 7:50 AM Happy Thanksgiving Good morning,
What’s new? Ready for Thanksgiving or is Ed doing the cooking? *L*
I’m not sure what we’re doing. I ordered some prime rib a little while ago. I’ve never cooked it before. It’s too much work to do turkey and all for 3 people. I don’t feel like inviting the parents over and my dad always goes to my brother’s. I can’t remember what we did last year. Lauren only has one day off so she won’t be home.
The parents are in sad shape. I found a list of meds Barb is supposed to be taking from last year. Of course, she’s not taking any of it. Ed doesn’t have a clue. I’m going to call dr. today to find out. Carol has arranged for Social Services to do another evaluation of her mom. Steve seems to be getting thru to his dad about her real condition. I see Ed as ‘lazy as a fox’. He doesn’t take care of her because he’s lazy and only does what he wants to do. He’s leaving her alone to hunt again.
Sam broke his arm Thursday at school, gym class – basketball. He’s pissed. He just got over months of mono and now this right before downhill skiing season. Poor kid. He gets a permanent cast tomorrow. Couldn’t get him into dr. any earlier to have cast set. I called school and complained about it. He breaks his arm in gym, with 2 gym teachers there. They tell him to ice it and send him along to other classes. By the time he called me, his girlfriend had brought him home. He was in alot of pain and crying. There was no doubt in my mind he had a broken forearm. There was no communication from school, no injury report filed, no follow-up, nothing. How do they let a kid go all day with broken arm and nobody follows up on him during the day? Principal has been apologizing for it, but still, who the hell is in charge?
I seem to be doing good. *L* still dosing down on trazadone for sleep. down to 35 mg. your methods help me to stay calm. yoga really helps too. i’ve been walking with the beast, yoga, and lifting weights. wow, i should be in good shape. trying to switch shrinks, don’t like the lady I have now. switching is a process in itself, without coming down on other shrink. i see her again in a couple weeks, but i’m not sure what for. i don’t want to take anymore meds.
Are you keeping busy with Emotionology? how the dental work coming? still busy? hope so. did ed get his job? how are all the birds? *S* are you sacrificing any for thanksgiving? Take care of yourself. 🙂 hugs, me Liz
Tue, Nov 24, 2009 at 7:26 PM Try this when you have time To group
1. Write down all your successes, breakthroughs, and leanings from 2009.
2. Write down all your failures, breakdowns, and disappointments from 2009.
3. What do you want to duplicate from 2009? What do you want to avoid from 2009.
4. Write down 3-5 specific, measurable goals for next year.
5. Write down why you want to reach your goals. What is the purpose behind the goal? Purpose equals passion, which will fuel you through any challenges.
6. Write down the actions you can take to help you achieve your goals.
7. From your list of actions, which ones will you commit to doing? Consider which actions you are most likely to do that will also bring you the results you want. Then commit to taking those
action.
8. Review your goals, purpose, and actions each week to measure your progress towards reaching those goals. Change your actions as needed.
Using this process will give you clarity and direction to make sure 2010 is successful. We wish you a wonderful holiday season and a fantastic 2010. Credit Donna Feldman & Cindy Rold
Tue, Nov 24, 2009 at 7:57 PM Hi Liz,
We are going to one of Ed’s friend’s house for dinner tomorrow. We baked a turkey last week for us. Many big chicks in the freezer almost as big as turkeys and we expect the next ones to be even bigger. Taking my son Hans to the airport Thur (on his birthday) to move to Oregon. Sorry about Sam’s arm. That will slow him down for a while. Try giving him some Vit D and he will heal faster. We don’t get enough of that especially in the winter. I am afraid I would have been down at that school breaking their arms if they did that to my son. They are probably sucking up to you afraid of a lawsuit. M
>The parents are in sad shape. I found a list of meds Barb is supposed to be taking from last year. Of course, she’s not taking any >of it. Ed doesn’t have a clue. I’m going to call dr. today to find out. Carol has arranged for Social Services to do another evaluation >of her mom. Steve seems to be getting thru to his dad about her real condition. I see Ed as ‘lazy as a fox’. He doesn’t take care of >her because he’s lazy and only does what he wants to do. He’s leaving her alone to hunt again. Liz
It will be interesting what social services has to say especially if they talk to Carol first. That may be the way to get some action. I don’t think anyone could get through to old Ed because I don’t think he thinks of her any different than those deers outside his cabin. He isn’t lazy – he just doesn’t care. He doesn’t know HOW to care. Both Steve and Ed know they can’t say anything to their dad without him banning them from ever coming around. Steve is probably smart enough to plant some seeds that might get some results over time.
Go on meetup.com and under the USA search put in emotionology. I am only working with one dentist right now and don’t want to do more so I can spend time on Emotionology. Real busy getting the house ready to re-rent as they really trashed it and we are doing some major remodeling. Found a floor pillow for Bruzie for $6.95. Here is a picture of him on it. Can’t get him off it. He was shaking when I took his picture because he knows he doesn’t belong in the house anymore. Poor dog. He got a bath the other day when it was nice – couldn’t believe how different he looked. Miss your dog. Mary
Ed had two dogs Billie and Bruzzie. Billie was a puppy of Bruzzi. Bruzzi was getting older and Ed wanted to be able to have a Pit bull as he loved that dog so much but Billie wasn’t smart so Ed ended up shooting him 2011. Ed called me up one day and said he had shot the dog because he I caught him on the Corvette eating the windshield..
Tue, Nov 24, 2009 at 8:00 PM
No Henry, haven’t skied in years. Too much else to do anyway between the dental lab, Ed, Emotionology, meetups (have you checked out meetup.com ?) chickens, ducks, and house remodeling.
Fri, Nov 27, 2009 at 1:43 AM Hi Mary, 1Thanks for sending this along.
Hope all is well and that the massive cleanup job at the Knox house is near completion. Did you take a break for Thanksgiving dinner? No turkey on this end–gave my final presentation instead. Still have one last assignment to write up this weekend–something about addressing inclusivity in training. Will be away all of next week at the annual symposium of the place where I work–it is at a beachside resort on the “sunshine” coast of Queensland so will be hot and humid. Fortunately, I don’t really have anything to do except talk with individuals. The CEO has made some major changes in the structure for this next phase that he’ll be announcing at the symposium so I’m guessing there will be more than a few people feeling bent out of shape. When will Miki have the baby? Did she end up closing on the house? Love, Lynne
Date: Monday, November 30, 2009, 3:12 PM (Carol is Ed younger sister)
Hi Mary, I feel the situation has changed since I have learned that my mother walked to camp yesterday in the rain, the fact that she walked there period is completely disturbing, as you know she moves at the pace of a snail, so it obviously took her hours. My father also admitted to Steve that he had found her on another occasion at the river when he was on his way home. With this new information, I feel we are lucky that she is alive, and I know there are certainly other instances that happened that my father is not owning up too, his judgment and lack of common sense is a concern to me. At this point my mother’s safety is my main concern and I feel certain that Steve feels the same way. Wish us luck on tomorrow’s appointment! Carol
Monday, November 30, 2009, 3:12 PM Folks Hi carol,
We are very concerned about the folks. Ed and Steve have been talking about it as Steve and Liz are the only ones near enough to do anything. I guess Big Ed has agreed to put her in a nursing home and she is not doing well. It seemed to me if someone got her a tv she wouldn’t deteriorate as fast. I guess Liz has a Dr seeing her today for a report. Liz needs your email address. It is sad that people have to grow old – someday we will all be there too. Hang in there,
Mary
Mon, Nov 30, 2009 at 4:43 PM Re: Folks from Ed’s Sister Carol
hi there, i didn’t realize ed and steve had connected. i left the mess friday morning. 🙂 took off for a night in appleton. did some shopping, since i had only bought one thing. it was very nice but too short of a stay. crowds weren’t bad until yest. aft. about the time i took off for home. found some cute sweaters at j jill and macys. found stuff for sam and steve. lauren sent a list a mile long. *L* both the kids need money so that makes it easier.
i gave up on steve last week. decided that i could no longer subject myself to lenca’s or witt’s. i’m not having either of them up here for christmas. i’m too frustrated with carol and the parents upset me too much so nobody is welcome here. if it’s okay for carol to leave her mom at home knowing the situation is dangerous and her lack of visits to help, and steve to tip toe around dad while mom is in danger, it’s okay for me to set limits of exposure to them. i’ve decided i’m highly sensitive to other peoples’ suffering and my intuition is too strong for my own good. i get overstimulated by it all. so for the week, i was trying not to think or talk about it. i’m washing my hands of it. no more visits to help out OLD ed.
I believe barb is still here. she knows who i am and can still connect with her on some levels with her memory. since nobody else wants to stimulate her, i’m letting that go too. sad situation though. however, ed and barb made a lot of their own decisions to end up where they are. my counselor wanted me to call APS to tell her that the family won’t do anything to change the situation there. the state will have to step in and do what they need to do. i don’t care about the money. if state has to appoint someone to be guardian and conservatorship, lenca’s will pay for that service too. steve doesn’t want me to call APS again and to stay out of it. he’s ‘handing’ it, so i will not make any phone calls to APS. somehow i can see the future and see how much of it is a waste of steve’s time convincing his dad to do the right thing. ed won’t do the right thing, he never has. while steve shits around with ed, his mom continues to suffer. i hope nothing happens to barb that steve will regret for the rest of his life. it may still come to the police coming to get her out of there. i hope they take half of ed’s money to take care of barb. 🙂 she could live happily in a foster home for years to come. happier than she’s been in 20 some years. her needs will be taken care of in foster care. maybe in her Alzheimer’s state, she can find someone who cares for her and makes her happy. anxious for lauren to come home tuesday night. she’s only got two clinicals to go and she’s done with her doctorate degree. yippee. maybe in 9 months, she can pay her own rent and health insurance. one down one to go. i took more of an interest in decorating *L*, and have started more on the house. i work monday and tuesday and then am done until sunday for a half a day. i work tuesday morning then don’t go back until after the 3rd of jan.
it’s so strange going into christmas without having to do meal for 18 people christmas eve. between decorating house, moving furniture for people to sit down, cooking, cleaning, baking, shopping, i still can’t believe i’m not having christmas eve after 20 years. i was grateful to joe and jeanne for taking it off my plate this year. it’s probably good for them too, with john just going to prison. wish you guys were here for christmas. we could have fun just hanging out. ed you and steve could snowshoe. *L* tripp goes every day. he drives steve nuts until they go. tripp is funny out in the snow, he just loves it.
i’m going to try sugar cookies again today. *L* the last batch i couldn’t spread – it was too sticky, not enough flour. my excuse is dad was here talking while i was trying to make up dough. it was good dough though. *S* nikki and sam could decorate them. i should make some cupcakes too. i have to bring dessert for christmas eve. thinking of pie, but i’d have to make three of them. any ideas? *L* you need to sharpen your cooking/baking skills. i’m getting some fancy cookie sheets for christmas (caphalon). i have air bake cookie sheets that suck. didn’t realize how bad they were until i baked on some better ones. well i better get to it. still sitting around drinking coffee. hugs to both, Liz
Date: Monday, November 30, 2009, 3:12 PM Hi Mary,
I feel the situation has changed since I have learned that my mother walked to camp yesterday in the rain, the fact that she walked there period is completely disturbing, as you know she moves at the pace of a snail, so it obviously took her hours. My father also admitted to Steve that he had found her on another occasion at the river when he was on his way home. With this new information, I feel we are lucky that she is alive, and I know there are certainly other instances that happened that my father is not owning up too, his judgment and lack of common sense is a concern to me. At this point my mother’s safety is my main concern and I feel certain that Steve feels the same way. Wish us luck on tomorrow’s appointment! Carol
Hi carol,
We are very concerned about the folks. Ed and Steve have been talking about it as Steve and Liz are the only ones near enough to do anything. I guess Big Ed has agreed to put her in a nursing home and she is not doing well. It seemed to me if someone got her a tv she wouldn’t deteriorate as fast. I guess Liz has a Dr seeing her today for a report. Liz needs your email address. It is sad that people have to grow old – someday we will all be there too. Hang in there, Mary
Liz to Mary
hi there, i didn’t realize ed and steve had connected. i left the mess friday morning. 🙂 took off for a night in appleton. did some shopping, since i had only bought one thing. it was very nice but too short of a stay. crowds weren’t bad until yest. aft. about the time i took off for home. found some cute sweaters at j jill and macys. found stuff for sam and steve. lauren sent a list a mile long. *L* both the kids need money so that makes it easier.
i gave up on steve last week. decided that i could no longer subject myself to lenca’s or witt’s. i’m not having either of them up here for christmas. i’m too frustrated with carol and the parents upset me too much so nobody is welcome here. if it’s okay for carol to leave her mom at home knowing the situation is dangerous and her lack of visits to help, and steve to tip toe around dad while mom is in danger, it’s okay for me to set limits of exposure to them. i’ve decided i’m highly sensitive to other peoples’ suffering and my intuition is too strong for my own good. i get overstimulated by it all. so for the week, i was trying not to think or talk about it. i’m washing my hands of it. no more visits to help out ed.
I believe barb is still here. she knows who i am and can still connect with her on some levels with her memory. since nobody else wants to stimulate her, i’m letting that go too. sad situation though. however, ed and barb made a lot of their own decisions to end up where they are. my counselor wanted me to call APS to tell her that the family won’t do anything to change the situation there. the state will have to step in and do what they need to do. i don’t care about the money. if state has to appoint someone to be guardian and conservatorship, lenca’s will pay for that service too. steve doesn’t want me to call APS again and to stay out of it. he’s ‘handing’ it, so i will not make any phone calls to APS. somehow i can see the future and see how much of it is a waste of steve’s time convincing his dad to do the right thing. ed won’t do the right thing, he never has. while steve shits around with ed, his mom continues to suffer. i hope nothing happens to barb that steve will regret for the rest of his life. it may still come to the police coming to get her out of there. i hope they take half of ed’s money to take care of barb. 🙂 she could live happily in a foster home for years to come. happier than she’s been in 20 some years. her needs will be taken care of in foster care. maybe in her alzheimers state, she can find someone who cares for her and makes her happy.
anxious for lauren to come home tuesday night. she’s only got two clinicals to go and she’s done with her doctorate degree. yippee. maybe in 9 months, she can pay her own rent and health insurance. one down one to go. i took more of an interest in decorating *L*, and have started more on the house. i work monday and tuesday and then am done until sunday for a half a day. i work tuesday morning then don’t go back until after the 3rd of Jan.
it’s so strange going into christmas without having to do meal for 18 people christmas eve. between decorating house, moving furniture for people to sit down, cooking, cleaning, baking, shopping, i still can’t believe i’m not having christmas eve after 20 years. i was grateful to joe and jeanne for taking it off my plate this year. it’s probably good for them too, with john just going to prison. wish you guys were here for christmas. we could have fun just hanging out. ed you and steve could snowshoe. *L* tripp goes every day. he drives steve nuts until they go. tripp is funny out in the snow, he just loves it.
i’m going to try sugar cookies again today. *L* the last batch i couldn’t spread – it was too sticky, not enough flour. my excuse is dad was here talking while i was trying to make up dough. it was good dough though. *S* nikki and sam could decorate them. i should make some cupcakes too. i have to bring dessert for christmas eve. thinking of pie, but i’d have to make three of them. any ideas? *L* you need to sharpen your cooking/baking skills. i’m getting some fancy cookie sheets for christmas (caphalon). i have air bake cookie sheets that suck. didn’t realize how bad they were until i baked on some better ones. well i better get to it. still sitting around drinking coffee. hugs to both, Liz
December
Wednesday, December 2, 2009, 9:32 PM Subject: [Emotionology-Coaching] Next meetup To: Emotionology-Coaching-
Two people emailed that they would prefer in person and several live out of town. I think it would work to have a PHONE meeting next Thursday Dec 10 at 6pm Mountain time and we will plan an “in person” meeting for those of you who are in town.
OK, we only have a few in the local area. So, for those of you in town…in order to plan a meetup it is important for each of you to let me know the times you are most available so we can pick a good time. This is a getting to know you time and an introduction to some Emotionology material. If you come and bring a guest it would be worthwhile to have it in a public location like the library or Whole foods but the time has to be available in those locations. It would be easier to have it in someone’s home if there are only a few. I don’t want to reserve a public location if only a few are going to show up. I am excited about sharing Emotionology with you.
So let me know what works for you from the following: Week day or during the week
Morning, noon, or evening time Day of the week Mary
Thu, Dec 3, 2009 at 9:59 PM Hi Kathy,
Norma suggested Starbucks Saturday the 12th at 11 am. Would that work for you too? December is a busy month so this might be the only in-person meetup we can do for December. Let me know asap. Thanks, M
Dec 3 2009 To Liz
Perhaps Steve is taking too much responsibility since he is getting so stressed out over the situation. He could just take it off his plate – there is only so much he can do. Ed needs to know when to call him so they can talk about it. He never knows when Steve is working or sleeping. Does he have a cell phone? Of course Big Ed doesn’t want to pay for a nursing home and I can’t imagine that he will do much cooking or helping. He is capable but one has to care and WANT to help or it will be temporary.
We spent most the day working on the house again. I am still painting and caulking. The house is one big painted glue pot. Ed felt good as he figured out how to stabilize one wall. too much to explain here but it was pure genius. I want to cut a hole in the living room wall to put in french doors but Ed doesn’t want to tackle that project so I will have to figure out how to do it.
We will NEVER get baby chickens in the winter again. This has been a nightmare. I am almost afraid to get out and check on them for fear they are all dead. I think we already lost 5 or 6. At least tomorrow is going to be sunny and no snow. It has snowed for several days. It has been 7 degrees here at night. We weren’t prepared. The big chickens were displaced from their coop when we got the little ones and so they perch in the pen and won’t go into the new coop I made so we have to go out after dark and do a chicken snatch and put them in with the ducks. Then the terrorist ducks keep them awake all night. I don’t know why the ducks never seem to sleep. I am ready for this cold weather to come your way. LOL.
Glad Tripp came back. Sounds like he and Barb would be a pair. LOL. I think someone should just arrange a tv for her and most the problems would be solved. Better get to sleep.
Lotsa love, Mary
Thu, Dec 3, 2009 at 10:06 PM
You inquired about Emotionology Coaching. We are having a meeting at Starbucks Saturday the 12th at 11 am. Would that work for you?
December is a busy month so this might be the only in-person meetup we can do for December. Let me know asap.Thanks,
Sun, December 6, 2009 5:50:03 PM Subject: Re: Meetup Message from Aimee A: hello Mary,
I am with the backyard poultry meet-up and the photos you put in the album are so nice.
Fri, December 4, 2009 10:39:55 AM Subject: $30.00 coping
Thank you for your interest in Broadway dental lab. Enclosed you will find our RX form that needs to be filled out and sent back with any detailed instructions you may have for each case.
Fri, Dec 4, 2009 at 6:16 PM, Thanks for the article – I will read it.
You know Erin, you have to put first things first and if Emotionology has to wait for you – it has to wait. The thing to do is to put it out there in the future that way if you want to see it you can let the Universe provide. When I was in school, I never had time to promote it. That is why I finally decided to give up on the schoolwork. Looking back, I might have been better off not doing the schoolwork and doing Emotionology instead but I also had kids and they took time too. Things will work out. Lotsa love, Mary
Sat, Dec 5, 2009 at 3:26 PM Re: Learning by Imagining: How Mental Imagery Training Aids Perceptual Learning Hi Mary,
Thanks for sending this along. It seems like a little bit different approach to the one where athletes visualize their peak performance. Hope all is well. Are you getting new tenants for the Knox house? Any time to drum up Emotionology business? I spent most of last week at the annual symposium for work either sitting in (mostly not so interesting) presentations or racing around trying to meet people instead of relaxing and enjoying the beach. Needless to say, by the end of the week, I could care a less if the whole organization disappeared in a black hole. I still have a long ways to go to not letting my initial (negative) impression of some one get in the way of being able to get a job done with them. And, I need to get a lot more creative in carving out down/alone time for myself during such events so I don’t feel such a strong urge to randomly bite people’s heads off! It probably would have helped, too, if I was more interested in the main research areas. Fortunately my class if now over so I have some more time in the evenings and weekends to do things I enjoy. Love, Lynne
Sun, Dec 6, 2009 at 5:51 PM
It seems the humane society is not very humane to humans. There was a similar situation in Denver about a month ago. A woman in the bird club lost all her birds for a time because a fellow member of the group got pissed off at her. The present rules of the human society allow for people like this to misuse the system. How can we do something about this?
Sun, Dec 6, 2009 at 5:53 PM
Thank you Aimee. I didn’t think they were that great. Did you hear about the problem the Arkansaw meetup group had? Someone can just get pissed off at another person and cause them to lose all their animals. I think I posed it on the site but I will forward the email to you.
Sun, December 6, 2009 9:37:10 AM Subject: Illegal actions by Humane Society of Pulaski County To everybody in the viewing area I am here to voice my concerns in regards to an illegal act that happened on 12/4/09 on my property in Hot Spring County. There was an alleged complaint of animal neglect. At which time the Hot Spring County and the Humane Society of Pulaski County conducted an illegal search of my property, trailers, barn and storage buildings with out my approval or a search warrant. And I was only told about the search after the Humane Society of Pulaski County told me they were going to take my animals in regards to they were being neglected. The funny thing is all the animals had food and water along with shelter. They then stated I could keep the horses but I would have to turn over all other animals to them with out incident or a warrant in hand. And if I tried fighting them (in court) they would take everything and charge me with a felony. The Humane Society of Pulaski County is acting on their on behalf and they would not let my wife or I explain anything on our behalf. They stated in the interview they were asking the question not us and when we tried to ask some questions they told us the interview was over and got up and left the room. They also stated they were going to return on Monday to pick up the animals but they stated this a 4:30pm on Friday so I couldn’t have a chance to hire an attorney on our behalf. The question in my mine is if the animals on my place were in such grave danger why did the Humane Society not procure a warrant on Friday and take the animals then. The complaints on the other animals were that my pig pen did not have straw in it so they could lie down and that the duck pens were muddy. I don’t know about you but when it rains for two day straight there is usually mud on the ground. Every please go to
www.cactusrockfarms.com and look at our animals and their living conditions and see they are not being neglected or abused. Also please voice your concerns in regards to this matter and tell anybody and everybody you know we animal owners can’t allow Humane Society’s to
make up their own rules and laws as they go.
From: Carol To: Liz Sun, December 6, 2009 6:03:46 PM Subject: Mom
Hi Liz,
The only things that I can think of to add are:
Dad leaving her alone – Mom wander off to camp.
Mom’s inability to dress herself properly – Dad’s inability to pay attention to this.
Lack of home care, lack of stimulation.
I think you know the story well enough.
I am sure we will be chatting soon, Carol
Mon, Dec 7, 2009 at 6:45 AM about Mom Barb
we had them up for supper last night. your mom seemed more alert and could respond easier. she couldn’t carry on conversation with lauren though, but your dad had a good chat with lauren. mom’s face was real flushed, not sure why. she looked good and i had her laughing about baby, Olivia. i’m concerned about her meds – seroquel is strong anti-psychotic drug that has warnings for older folks. it’s too early for the lexapro to have had any effect on her (30 day buildup in brain chemicals). her alertness may be from nursing home talk. she loved our new big screen tv and watching it. of course, steve talked to dad about tv again, dad won’t budge.
APS has already talked to your father on the phone. he told us of a phone call asking him about her and if they needed any more help (he refused). they questioned him about leaving her alone. he didn’t seem to take it seriously and thought their call was in response to your trying to get more help, which he refused. i gave him my work and cell phone number before i left.
we all kind of talked about it, very stressful. your dad has alot of anger right under the surface. i was scared of him and left the house early to go to church last night. he said alot of things about how he’s taking care of her now, but it’s two years too late. I quizzed about where they take her prescriptions and it was obviously she hasn’t been on meds forever (actually since the nursing home). I’m sure KMart can provide documentation of no medicine refills. he can’t keep track of her meds. he’s not responsible enough. he chuckled about ‘ma’ walking to the camp. i quizzed him about what she was wearing and he said her house clothes. he left her for over two hours. i asked him about breakfast and his answer was he makes p&j sandwich for himself and looked at mom, said, what do you have? she couldn’t really tell us. i asked her about walking and why couldn’t she walk with ed. then he says the road is too busy to walk on, but okay for mom to walk at night all alone. go figure….. i’ve been thinking of all the incidents – being gassed in house because of sewer/bathroom vent gas leak in car being without water for 4 months last year, her bathing at Shopko, WalMart. Friends called me to tell me about it. it’s kinda of a joke when he says he’ll take care of her. he never took care of anything in his life, other than providing an income. your mom did all the house maintenance, from painting inside, outside, cleaning up mess in basement from wood, she kept the car up with oil changes, mechanical issues, doctor visits, etc.
we talked about him waking her up 4 times a night to pee. i explained she needed her sleep and he said it didn’t matter, that she wasn’t going to pee in the bed anymore. the seroquel must be more sedating for her, because he’s putting her to bed real earlier (nothing else to do).
steve asked his dad what would happen if dad got the flu or sick. he said they’d make it work. there’s no way your mom could take care of herself or even call out with phone for help.
your dad also suffers from dimished capacity of understanding. there is no reasoning with him. i’m not sure why everybody tries. Anyway, hang in there. What will be, will be? Steve and I are pretty stressed over what will happen this week. If APS comes in and takes her out of there, shame on us for letting this go for two years. If everything is as it should be, we did what we could to help your mom so far. me ps my belief of your mom coming back to being herself at nursing home is stronger than ever after visiting with her. she can’t take care of herself but she was definitely happier being taken care of properly.
Tue, Dec 8, 2009 at 6:50 AM To All
We’re still Sick. Ed doesn’t have a sense of what to do to take care of himself and there is no reasoning with him – polarity response against being told what to do. I feel better than he does (however, I have a fever, he doesn’t) and I can tap into what I need to do to take care of myself. I am worried about Ed as he won’t go to the doctor, and most the time he refuses to take what I give him. He still has diarrhea and his stomach hurts and is upset. He is too ill to go out and give the animals food or water. I knew I was going to get it so took some precautions and I have not been as bad, so I go out to feed the animals. With the folks, things will work out however they work out – nothing any of us can do. Time to let go. Going back to ed, Love Mary
Tue, December 8, 2009 9:18:03 PM Subject: meetup/ Wednesday
Mary, won’t be able to make the meetup Saturday as it is Andrew’s moms birthday. Are we doing the call on Wednesday? Paul
Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 3:45 AM Re: meetup/ Wednesday Hi Paul,
Both Ed and I have had food poisoning and are still not over it so I am trying to make myself OK to even do the Friday and Saturday events. Been wondering if you are OK. You have been quiet. What’s going on?
Thu, Dec 10, 2009 at 7:44 PM Hi Lynne,
Ed and I have been sick. Thought at first it was the flu, but it turned out to be Salmonella. Last Saturday Ed smoked a big piece of meat but ran out of briquettes too soon so it was too rare. I only took a few bites, but Ed ate a lot of it. He was much sicker than I was. We are feeling better, but a week is lost.
There are quite a few members in the meetup group now and I am getting better at it. Hopefully we will be able to get a big enough group soon. At least there are some new people interested.
The house is coming along but not very fast. I have completely redone the kitchen. We had to level the living room, kitchen and one-bedroom floors. Ed is paying the bills this month, so we have an extra month to work on it. At least it will be worth more now.
I guess you feel about your organization the way I feel about our meet chickens – I wouldn’t care if they dropped into a black hole either LOL. Because of the weather I had to have the lights on 24/7 and they could eat themselves to death. So, we have lost half of them to heart attacks.
How are you feeling these days? Thought you ended up with a cold or something. Did you get over that? Have you run across Jim or old friends since being there? Are you enjoying it more this time? Have you met anyone you are interested in?
I have a spot on my nose that needs to be zapped just like the one you had. I am waiting until Sunday to do it. I have been procrastinating as I don’t want a black spot, but I don’t want cancer either. Noticed today it was more noticeable so must get after it. Miss having you here, Love Mary
Thu, Dec 10, 2009 at 8:28 PM
Hi Lynne, Ed smoked some meat and didn’t cook it well enough. I only had a couple of bites, but Ed ate a lot and got much sicker. Thought I was going to have to take him to the hospital, but he is better. Takes a lot to get over this. We were flat in bed for one week. He is pig-headed and I know one has to be careful of long term effects. We are drinking a lot of fluids to prevent this. Very tired Mary
Thu, December 10, 2009 8:56:28 PM Subject: Re: Sick> Ed smoked some meat and didn’t cook it well enough. I only had a couple of> bites but Ed ate a lot and got much sicker. Thought I was going to have to take> him to the hospital but he is better. Takes a lot to get over this. MaryJeez. sure you didn’t get organ damage? Paul
Thu, Dec 10, 2009 at 9:06 PM He is pig-headed and I know one has to be careful of long-term effects We are drinking a lot of fluids to prevent this. Very tired Mary
Mary to Ed
Thu, Dec 10, 2009 at 2:52 PM What is salmonellosis?
Salmonellosis is an infection with bacteria called Salmonella. Most persons infected with Salmonella develop diarrhea, fever, and abdominal cramps 12 to 72 hours after infection. The illness usually lasts 4 to 7 days, and most persons recover without treatment. However, in some persons, the diarrhea may be so severe that the patient needs to be hospitalized. In these patients, the Salmonella infection may spread from the intestines to the blood stream, and then to other body sites and can cause death unless the person is treated promptly with antibiotics. The elderly, infants, and those with impaired immune systems are more likely to have a severe illness.
What sort of germ is Salmonella?Salmonella is actually a group of bacteria that can cause diarrheal illness in humans. They are microscopic living creatures that pass from the feces of people or animals to other people or other animals. There are many different kinds of Salmonella bacteria. Salmonella serotype Typhimurium and Salmonella serotype Enteritidis are the most common in the United States. Salmonella germs have been known to cause illness for over 100 years. They were discovered by an American scientist named Salmon, for whom they are named.
How can Salmonella infections be diagnosed? Many different kinds of illnesses can cause diarrhea, fever, or abdominal cramps. Determining that Salmonella is the cause of the illness depends on laboratory tests that identify Salmonella in the stool of an infected person. Once Salmonella has been identified, further testing can determine its specific type.
How can Salmonella infections be treated? Salmonella infections usually resolve in 5-7 days and often do not require treatment other than oral fluids. Persons with severe diarrhea may require rehydration with intravenous fluids. Antibiotics, such as ampicillin, trimethoprim-sulfamethoxazole, or ciprofloxacin, are not usually necessary unless the infection spreads from the intestines. Some Salmonella bacteria have become resistant to antibiotics, largely as a result of the use of antibiotics to promote the growth of food animals.
Are there long-term consequences to a Salmonella infection? Persons with diarrhea usually recover completely, although it may be several months before their bowel habits are entirely normal. A small number of people with Salmonella develop pain in their joints, irritation of the eyes, and painful urination. This is called Reiter’s syndrome. It can last for months or years, and can lead to chronic arthritis which is difficult to treat. Antibiotic treatment does not make a difference in whether or not the person develops arthritis.
How do people catch Salmonella? Salmonella lives in the intestinal tracts of humans and other animals, including birds. Salmonella is usually transmitted to humans by eating foods contaminated with animal feces. Contaminated foods usually look and smell normal. Contaminated foods are often of animal origin, such as beef, poultry, milk, or eggs, but any food, including vegetables, may become contaminated. Thorough cooking kills Salmonella. Food may also become contaminated by the hands of an infected food handler who did not wash hands with soap after using the bathroom.
Salmonella may also be found in the feces of some pets, especially those with diarrhea, and people can become infected if they do not wash their hands after contact with pets or pet feces. Reptiles, such as turtles, lizards, and snakes, are particularly likely to harbor Salmonella. Many chicks and young birds carry Salmonella in their feces. People should always wash their hands immediately after handling a reptile or bird, even if the animal is healthy. Adults should also assure that children wash their hands after handling a reptile or bird, or after touching its environment.
What can a person do to prevent this illness? There is no vaccine to prevent salmonellosis. Because foods of animal origin may be contaminated with Salmonella, people should not eat raw or undercooked eggs, poultry, or meat. Raw eggs may be unrecognized in some foods, such as homemade Hollandaise sauce, Caesar and other homemade salad dressings, tiramisu, homemade ice cream, homemade mayonnaise, cookie dough, and frostings. Poultry and meat, including hamburgers, should be well-cooked, not pink in the middle. Persons also should not consume raw or unpasteurized milk or other dairy products. Produce should be thoroughly washed.
Cross-contamination of foods should be avoided. Uncooked meats should be kept separate from produce, cooked foods, and ready-to-eat foods. Hands, cutting boards, counters, knives, and other utensils should be washed thoroughly after touching uncooked foods. Hand should be washed before handling food, and between handling different food items.
People who have salmonellosis should not prepare food or pour water for others until their diarrhea has resolved. Many health departments require that restaurant workers with Salmonella infection have a stool test showing that they are no longer carrying the Salmonella bacterium before they return to work.
People should wash their hands after contact with animal feces. Because reptiles are particularly likely to have Salmonella, and it can contaminate their skin, everyone should immediately wash their hands after handling reptiles. Reptiles (including turtles) are not appropriate pets for small children and should not be in the same house as an infant. Salmonella carried in the intestines of chicks and ducklings contaminates their environment and the entire surface of the animal. Children can be exposed to the bacteria by simply holding, cuddling, or kissing the birds. Children should not handle baby chicks or other young birds. Everyone should immediately wash their hands after touching birds, including baby chicks and ducklings, or their environment.
Fri, Dec 11, 2009 at 7:23 PM AK Meetup Erin,
I just started the AK website. Go on meetup.com and look for it or http://www.meetup.com/Alaska-Emotionology-Coaching-Group/manage/settings/members/
Hey George, we have lots of work to do on it immediately. You need to join so I can make you the local organizer. They will start promoting it in a couple of days so we have to get the info typed in… To change things, you will have to log into my account which is xxxxxx
Then go to settings and see all the places we have to write stuff. I will put what I have on the Denver one if you want and then you can edit it to what you like or change it from time to time. Let’s get this rolling Love Mary
Fri, Dec 11, 2009 at 5:41 AM Hi Mary,
Glad to hear you’re feeling better. I was starting to wondered if something had happened.
Sounds like the meetup group is a good way to start introducing people to emotionology. Fingers crossed it will gain some more momentum. I’m guessing Ed is feeling good to be earning the $$ to pay some bills this month. Hopefully now that you’re both feeling better, you can finish off the Knox house and get some money coming in from it.
This is the first week since October that I’ve had some “free” time. I went to a couple of dances and a tune session–I’ll play for a kids dance this weekend. On top of these things, Cordelia has been in the hospital all week after hip surgery. I was kind of looking forward to having quiet time at home by myself, but ended up going to visit her every evening because it didn’t seem many people were…Oh, well. She’s coming home tomorrow. To be honest, I don’t have the energy to play nurse to her. Hopefully she won’t be too demanding. I’m ok, just exhausted. I’m sure things will look better once I get caught up on sleep. Haven’t met anybody interesting, though have met most of the friendly faces again from last year. I’ve seen Jim a couple of times–it’s been a little awkward. Fortunately, he has a new girlfriend so his focus is elsewhere. Has your ear fully healed up now? Hope you can get that spot on your nose in one go. Mine still has a grey area, so be careful with yours. Miss being able to talk face to face. Love and hugs ,Lynne
Sat, December 12, 2009 8:27:17 PM Subject: Pearlie
Ozzie’s been acting very quiet this afternoon since we got home. I had him out on my shoulder for a while and when I ate some dinner, he barely ate any, and not with the usual eagerness.
Jennifer was sleeping for a while since we got home from some serving and shopping this afternoon and she woke up and came in and got Oz from me and went in her office with him.
So I went in to get Georgie out, took the towel for over my shoulder, and noticed a couple of little blood streaks on the wall near there. So I went to see if all the rest of them were ok, and found Pearlie lying on the floor on the other side of Oz’s aviary. She was a little warm but mostly cold.
No signs of anything that might have happened to her. I petted her for a while and looked her over carefully for any signs of what might have happened but found none. She was only a year old. God I don’t understand this. She liked to fly around the room and was fully flighted, so she may have hit something and broken her neck. I doubt Oz had anything to do with it, he’s lived around cockatiels before and left them alone. In fact I had that funny photo from awhile back, where he went into one of the cockatiels’ cages and was sitting in there, and the tiel was sitting up in the corner looking at him. This is just so bad, it’s the second bird we’ve lost in 3 years and we feel terrible, but they cant talk and tell us what happened.
A couple of years ago, we lost Yoda, a double dutch blue lovebird who was only a few months old, when he caught his neck in a loop that he pulled out of his “Happy” Hut and was hanging from it. We got rid of all those damned “Happy” Huts after that and will never have another one of them. I’m so upset and sad right now. Melisa.
Sat, Dec 12, 2009 at 8:39 PM Sorry to hear that. She must have been flying around and hit something like the window. They can do that. By the way, I lost a female due to egg bound that was with a whiteface blue. Would you be interested in him for Georgie? You could have him. He is about 2 years old and probably will be getting lonely. Kind of skittish though. Mary
Sun, Dec 13, 2009 at 8:05 PM PICTURES OF RUBY AND FRANZ
Oh, she is growing up so fast! Thanks for sending the pics . Love you lots, Mom
Sun, Dec 13, 2009 at 9:06 PM To Bill Nestle (this is my older Brother)
In many ways, I am glad I don’t have that many years left to live in all of this government mess. Went to my class reunion a month ago. Many asked about you. Everyone is so old. We just recovered from Salmonella poisoning. Working on doing remodeling to my house to re-rent it. The last people really trashed it but it needed work anyway. Hans moved to Oregon last week. Franz is still with Jessica in TX and their new baby Ruby is 4 months old. So cute. Miki just bought a house and is fixing it up. Her first. Marcie is still the same in Conway. all’s good here. Love Mary
Mon, Dec 14, 2009 at 7:07 PM Forward Liz Letter to Ed
i spent 4 hours with barb yesterday so ed could go to camp. it was sad. both of her eyes are infected, she had green puss on both of them. she had dried puss all over her face. her hair and face were dirty. ed left and we gabbed for awhile. she had to go bathroom and once she pulled down her pants, i knew what i had to do. she smelled really bad again. she had no underwear on, an old pair of ed’s pants, and no socks in her boots. i got her in shower, which is a major feat, washed her hair, body, etc. redressed her, blew dry her hair, she looked like a million bucks. ed came back, i made him find manual for oven, which hasn’t worked for a year. so you know he hasn’t cooked anything in oven for her in the past year. it was a matter of pulling out bottom drawer in stove, unplugging and replugging to get rid of error code for oven. i couldn’t find peanut butter and bread cuz she was hungry. found her some canned oranges and milk, before i left, they were cooking a pizza. ed was supposed to turn oven off afterwards.
i was pretty stressed out last night but was able to sleep so it couldn’t have been so bad. *L* gotta get on treadmill or bike downstairs tonight. need exercise. i lost another three pounds over the weekend. probably tears – water weight. talked to APS on Friday a.m. gave them more information. they say someone has to be legal guardian for her. Because her problem is in her mind, nothing automatically defaults to Ed. Someone has to be appointed to be guardian for medical and guardian for money. it could be member of family or someone else. if court appoints someone else, lenca’s will pay for that service. Of course, that means going to court to get guardianship and that will piss ed off to not be in charge. Liz
Monday, December 14, 2009 at 07:30:32 PM MST Subject: Re: hello, hi there,
how are you feeling? have you recovered yet? has ed? hope so.
tough weekend. my nephew was sentenced to 1.5 – 10 years in prison for breaking and entering. we all knew it was coming, he’s had 5 drunk driving charges and is a felon. now these charges put him in prison. i know he has to pay for breaking the law, but watching it break my brother and sister in law down is tough. my 62 yr old brother called my 90 yr old dad crying. then dad called me. i cried for 2 days off and on. it’s hard to watch the people who love him in so much pain. john can take care of himself in prison. he’s 28 yrs old. the state of mi has more resources available for prisoners than county jail. he can attend NA and AA meetings, learn a skill, work, etc. none of that was available in our county jail.
i spent 4 hours with barb yesterday so ed could go to camp. it was sad. both of her eyes are infected, she had green puss on both of them. she had dried puss all over her face. her hair and face were dirty. ed left and we gabbed for awhile. she had to go bathroom and once she pulled down her pants, i knew what i had to do. she smelled really bad again. she had no underwear on, an old pair of ed’s pants, and no socks in her boots. i got her in shower, which is a major feat, washed her hair, body, etc. redressed her, blew dry her hair, she looked like a million bucks. ed came back, i made him find manual for oven, which hasn’t worked for a year. so you know he hasn’t cooked anything in oven for her in the past year. it was a matter of pulling out bottom drawer in stove, unplugging and replugging to get rid of error code for oven. i couldn’t find peanut butter and bread cuz she was hungry. found her some canned oranges and milk, before i left, they were cooking a pizza. ed was supposed to turn oven off afterwards.
i was pretty stressed out last night but was able to sleep so it couldn’t have been so bad. *L* gotta get on treadmill or bike downstairs tonight. need exercise. i lost another three pounds over the weekend. probably tears – water weight.
talked to APS on Friday a.m. gave them more information. they say someone has to be legal guardian for her. Because her problem is in her mind, nothing automatically defaults to Ed. Someone has to be appointed to be guardian for medical and guardian for money. it could be member of family or someone else. if court appoints someone else, lenca’s will pay for that service. Of course, that means going to court to get guardianship and that will piss ed off to not be in charge.
now for the good news, *L*, i can’t think of any. Oh, I lost 3# over the weekend with the stress of it all. i did get christmas tree up and decorated. used some different lights (i must have 60 strings of working lights). they are garland light ropes, red and clear. it looks really cool on tree. tried to decorate with all red and white decorations, but it was slim picking to fill whole tree. we bought a fraser fur last saturday. steve, tripp and i cut one down at tree farm. it was fun. tripp was a squirrel running all over, sticking his head in deep snow, he looked like snow bunny when we left. actually he got me all wet riding home.
steve is getting alot of shit for the shock collar. *L* i came home once and watched him use it on tripp over a stupid sock. i blew a fuse. *S* it hasn’t been on him since but then again we’ve had no time to train him with it. steve’s working 16 days in a row so his first day off is next saturday.
it’s snowing again. did you send it? ~hoh~ we’re supposed to get another 2-4″. we’ve got about 7″ on the ground. i should decorate with outside lights tonight but…. i tried this fool-proof sugar cookie recipe from a guy friend out here. well, they stuck to the countertop yesterday and it was a big mess so i threw the whole thing away. i did salvage two cookies and baked them to see if i liked the recipe. it’s a good one. i probably screwed up recipe cuz dad was over and sam was talking when i was trying to make it. the dough is refrigerated for 8 hrs. i’ll have to call the guy today and give him a hard time. maybe he’ll make some for me. *L*
well i better get. hope all is well, birds are alive, etc. hugs, me Liz
Mon, Dec 14, 2009 at 7:30 PM Hi Liz,
We are both well now, thank God. I have never been so sick. Ed won’t admit it was his food. You know how men are…he says 40 years of cooking can’t be wrong LOL
I am back working on my house again. Ed got the wall finished that we had to insulate and dry wall Sunday. I painted (or at least got it ready to paint) the porch. We had done the dry wall on it Sunday. I am learning about drywalling and how to finish things. Many tubes of caulk, plaster mud and paint and almost anything looks good.
There is much to do here with the chickens and ducks. At least this week I sold 2 pairs of lovebirds and one single bird so now they fit in the space I have for them. I have 3 baby birds to sell in the next few weeks. It has been hard juggling the ducks with the big chickens and keeping them away from the small chickens. the ducks are pigs and eat everything and pig up the water so the chickens never have any water. So today it was warm so I let them all out and they are getting to know each other. We have such a menagerie here but it is entertaining. I actually got 7 eggs today so more of them are laying.
Sad case the folks. I am glad you were there to take care of Barb for a little. It is very obvious that she can’t handle it by herself. She sounds like she is barely surviving. Ed can’t stand what is happening to his mother but feels helpless to do anything about it here. It seems that someone in the family should be able to be the gardian of her medical and probably Steve is the only option. I am surprised that it doesn’t automatically default to Mr Ed. If someone is guardian of her money, how is her money distinguished from his money? What money is hers?
Even though you have had lots of sad drama going on around you, you seem to be handling it. Your nephew will learn what he has to learn. Evidently it is what his journey here is supposed to be as it has been his choices putting him there. We have to let people have the lives they choose. This should make him grow up and learn responsibility – that is the purpose anyway. As much trouble Tripp is, he certainly is entertaining. As difficult as life can be we still have lots to be thankful for. Is Sam’s arm getting better? I have lost a whole week so we are really behind on life here. Must get some sleep. Lots of Love, Mary
Tue, December 15, 2009 1:30:51 AM Subject: From Jana Hi, Mary –
Thank you so much for putting this group together! I know it will be great.
I will be unavailable this entire week, as my dad is having surgery in the morning, and I am going there (The Villages, FL) to be with him. Before I leave to see him, though, I have TONS of things happening here. My husband’s running for mayor of our little town (Palmetto Bay), and we have meetings and events every single day.
I don’t remember if I mentioned it, but evenings will surely be best for me. Tuesdays are my best day as of late. I don’t know whether I’ll be here next Tuesday (all depends on my dad…), but that will definitely be better for me to reschedule for next week. I’m sorry, Mary. I appreciate you so much. Love, Jana
Thu, Dec 17, 2009 at 10:51 PM To Ed Most chickens have it
http://www.citizensreport.org/2009/12/14/two-out-of-three-chickens-may-be-contaminated/
Requires good cooking!!!!
Sat, Dec 19, 2009 at 10:28 PM Folks
Liz, Ed and I were talking in the hot tub about the situation tonight after he talked with Steve. It seems that Steve is trying to rescue his father from himself. He wants to protect Ed from the state taking over and the possibility of him loosing to much money because the state will control what happens to Barb. Let’s analyze this.
No one wants to go against old Ed and Ed is too pigheaded to listen to reason so he gets what he deserves if the state takes charge. They won’t take both properties. Everyone gets to keep one. If it costs more money than if you could have convinced him, well, that is not your problem. You can’t rescue people from themselves. It is his money, and he has to reap the consequences of his own actions. It is better for the state to do it than for the children to interfere. Steve should just tell the state that no one will go against Ed so it is up to them if they don’t feel she is cared for. Ed here would not go against his dad either. If the state takes over old Ed will just have to deal with what happens.
As far as Barb is concerned, she is really already gone. Everyone needs to let go and let happen whatever is going to happen. I don’t call it quality of life in a nursing home either – living like a vegetable. There is no quality of life left for her. It is too bad but true. When people loose their minds, their life is over. The body is not who you are. Going out to see them is just agony and it is better to remember her from better times. Turn it over to the state. That’s our advice. Call if you want to chat about it. Love Mary
Sun, Dec 20, 2009 at 7:22 AM Folks
hi there, i didn’t realize ed and steve had connected. i left the mess friday morning. 🙂 took off for a night in appleton. did some shopping, since i had only bought one thing. it was very nice but too short of a stay. crowds weren’t bad until yest. aft. about the time i took off for home. found some cute sweaters at j jill and macys. found stuff for sam and steve. lauren sent a list a mile long. *L* both the kids need money so that makes it easier.
i gave up on steve last week. decided that i could no longer subject myself to lenca’s or witt’s. i’m not having either of them up here for christmas. i’m too frustrated with carol and the parents upset me too much so nobody is welcome here. if it’s okay for carol to leave her mom at home knowing the situation is dangerous and her lack of visits to help, and steve to tip toe around dad while mom is in danger, it’s okay for me to set limits of exposure to them. i’ve decided i’m highly sensitive to other peoples’ suffering and my intuition is too strong for my own good. i get overstimulated by it all. so for the week, i was trying not to think or talk about it. i’m washing my hands of it. no more visits to help out ed.
I believe barb is still here. she knows who i am and can still connect with her on some levels with her memory. since nobody else wants to stimulate her, i’m letting that go too. sad situation though. however, ed and barb made a lot of their own decisions to end up where they are. my counselor wanted me to call APS to tell her that the family won’t do anything to change the situation there. the state will have to step in and do what they need to do. i don’t care about the money. if state has to appoint someone to be guardian and conservatorship, lenca’s will pay for that service too. steve doesn’t want me to call APS again and to stay out of it. he’s ‘handing’ it, so i will not make any phone calls to APS. somehow i can see the future and see how much of it is a waste of steve’s time convincing his dad to do the right thing. ed won’t do the right thing, he never has. while steve shits around with ed, his mom continues to suffer. i hope nothing happens to barb that steve will regret for the rest of his life. it may still come to the police coming to get her out of there. i hope they take half of ed’s money to take care of barb. 🙂 she could live happily in a foster home for years to come. happier than she’s been in 20 some years. her needs will be taken care of in foster care. maybe in her alzheimers state, she can find someone who cares for her and makes her happy.
anxious for lauren to come home tuesday night. she’s only got two clinicals to go and she’s done with her doctorate degree. yippee. maybe in 9 months, she can pay her own rent and health insurance. one down one to go. i took more of an interest in decorating *L*, and have started more on the house. i work monday and tuesday and then am done until sunday for a half a day. i work tuesday morning then don’t go back until after the 3rd of jan.
it’s so strange going into christmas without having to do meal for 18 people christmas eve. between decorating house, moving furniture for people to sit down, cooking, cleaning, baking, shopping, i still can’t believe i’m not having christmas eve after 20 years. i was grateful to joe and jeanne for taking it off my plate this year. it’s probably good for them too, with john just going to prison. wish you guys were here for christmas. we could have fun just hanging out. ed you and steve could snowshoe. *L* tripp goes every day. he drives steve nuts until they go. tripp is funny out in the snow, he just loves it.
i’m going to try sugar cookies again today. *L* the last batch i couldn’t spread – it was too sticky, not enough flour. my excuse is dad was here talking while i was trying to make up dough. it was good dough though. *S* nikki and sam could decorate them. i should make some cupcakes too. i have to bring dessert for christmas eve. thinking of pie, but i’d have to make three of them. any ideas? *L* you need to sharpen your cooking/baking skills. i’m getting some fancy cookie sheets for christmas (caphalon). i have air bake cookie sheets that suck. didn’t realize how bad they were until i baked on some better ones. well i better get to it. still sitting around drinking coffee. hugs to both, love me Liz
Sun, Dec 20, 2009 at 8:47 AM Hi Liz,
Glad you are able to let go of the Barb and Ed situation. There is no way for the family to force Ed to do something and the other option is for Barb to stick up for herself and we know that wouldn’t happen so the state is the only option left.
Wonderful that Loren is getting through her degree. Hope she finds a good job.
You inspire me to try making sugar cookies. We are putting a new nest box up for the chickens this morning and then going back to the house to try to get this door in. I have to do some more painting too then I can come home and bake. Snuck out yesterday to ARC and found some things LOL> Can’t wait to finish my house so we can do some more fixing on Eds. Wish we could visit you this Christmas but we have way too much here. Have a good day. Let’s talk Christmas day. Love, Mary
Tue, December 22, 2009 9:04:58 PM Subject: Catching up
Hi George,
None of the kids will be around for Christmas and it has been a nightmare trying to get my house ready to re-rent by January 1 so I will be working on it right through Christmas. Really need to get this rented as it is most of my income. Hope nice things are happening for you during the holidays.
The latest thing for me is the meetups. Go to http://www.meetup.com/The-Florida-Emotionology-Coaching-Group/ The meetup forum is a real interesting one and one that I think will be very timely. Sounds like you are back living for your work. I am sure you will get it going or find a new venture – you always do. Are the kids OK? Here is a picture of Ruby – Franz’s new baby. Miki just bought her first house. Hans has moved to Portland to start a new adventure. Alls well here. Love Mary
Wed, December 23, 2009 6:52:02 AM Subject: Re: Catching up
Hi Mary…. good to hear from you. Looks like we’re both working through X-Mas. Am writing this from Miami; house-sitting for friends til Jan 2 and getting ready to dash up to the shop in Deerfield to put another coat of paint down on one of the boats that must race Dec. 28….. all is well w/ the boys; living in Orlando. Would like to call this afternoon when I’ll have some time, if that’s ok.. Love g
Sun, December 27, 2009 9:59:30 AM Subject: Re: Creative humans have more FUN
Hey Mary,
I just found this lost in my Inbox! Love it, love it, love it! (It’s the video on making walking up stairs more fun.)
I will be coming to Denver soon and would love to meet up with you for a talk specifically about Emotionolgy and where you are at with developing it. Are you available sometime from the 10th – 15th of January? It would be lovely to catch up as well!
Have your phone numbers remained the same? cell (720) 301-0377, phone (303) 455-2314
Love, Peggy
Tue, Dec 22, 2009 at 8:29 PM
I sold Tammi a lovebird and I asked her what she did for a living. She said she made about $1000/month doing this greeting card business from home. So I emailed and asked her about it. It sounded like a good idea for you to look into. Sending it to everyone. Forwarded it to Hans too. Love M
Tue, Dec 22, 2009 at 9:03 PM
Hi Erin and Paul, I set up some new workshops for the next couple of months. The dates starting March are tentative because of what we might do in Alaska for you Erin but wanted to pass on to you some ideas. Paul, I put you as doing them with me. We should plan on taping them. Check the dates and here is a list without the dates. Mary
Wed, Dec 23, 2009 at 3:01 PM Merry xmas Hi Mary,
Hope all is well.
Here it has been kind of crazy. I was ready to quit work last Friday after miscommunications during a meeting with the CEO and Business Manager–I felt they were pressuring me to take on the dreadful job of babysitting the dud IT guy. Fortunately we got things resolved at a Monday meeting and they’ve offered me a 3 year contract to start after my 6 month one finishes. Today I head off for a week of music and dance–the festival where I met Joe a couple of years ago. Will miss not seeing him, but it will be fun to see other people I met and to meet new ones.
Merry Christmas to you and Ed. May 2010 be a joyful and prosperous year. Love and hugs, Lynne
Wed, December 23, 2009 7:59:23 PM Subject: Re: Catching up
Hi Mary, Yes I am working. Gone back to my old life in a way though better. I have a full practice in Florida doing my biological ionization testing and naturopathic practice. I am going back for my second trip Jan 6- 12th. Hopefully I will be doing another trip in Texas(not Dorothy and then be totally caught up. I will begin paying you in January in any event. I will either finish with paying you then or within a few months.
Thank you for all that you have done when we needed it. Please remember our agreement that any further sessions with Mel are between the two of you financially.
It took quite awhile to catch up the 2,754 charge back re Dorothy’s idea to do a workshop at her Unity church there in Texas. It is done. Still need to give Ted his 800. for bed that replaced a 150.00 bed. Hope to do it in completion in January.
Hope to get together after I get accustomed to all the work I have and all the housework I have because my family doesn’t have to do anything they don’t want to do. They can just party away without any problems while I who am crazy still go crazy.
Now I am generally in harmony and Ted is fine working 1 hour per day when it is and paying 50.00 a month.
When I have more income perhaps we can work further on some issues re care taking and resentment, but right now I just want to focus on my work.
Brenda said she will work for me without pay for now and so the house won’t be so overwhelming.
It doesn’t solve the day to day, which I am not happy with but perhaps I will leave or get divorced and then we will all be happy.
Thanks again they certainly are happy with the outcome – they don’t feel they need to do anything and that I am psychotic. El
Fri, Dec 25, 2009 at 3:10 AM
Erin, I got caught up in cleaning the house Christmas eve and didn’t even check my email. Have a wonderful Christmas. Love M
Fri, Dec 25, 2009 at 7:42 PM to Lisa Potter
Was it a nice change to have some snow? I hate it cold though. We had snow and it is close to 0degrees so I have to carry warm water out to the chickens and ducks several times a day. Miss the warm weather. Hope all your animals are doing OK. Mary
Fri, Dec 25, 2009 at 8:44 PM
Hi Lynne,
Wow, that has turned into a real job. Do you want to accept it? I will just have to come to Australia if you do LOL.
We spent the day working on the house. Someone bought a pair of lovebirds (I am down to 5 pairs now and want to end up with only 2 soon) and a baby in the morning and then we went to the house. Had Christmas dinner when we got back. Very quiet here as Miki left with Tom for a trip and no other kids around. Hans moved to Portland last month.
Ed and I are getting along well since I told him I would leave if he kept not controlling the rum. He has to go to work shortly as school is almost over – thank God…
Check out the meetup venue on line.
http://www.meetup.com/Denver-Emotionology/
I think this is the way to go and I am quitting almost everything else to make a serious effort in this direction. We have a meetup website in Denver, Alaska, AR, FL. Miss having you here. Love Mary
KITCHEN FINISHED
Fri, Dec 25, 2009 at 7:42 PM
Was it a nice change to have some snow? I hate it cold though. We had snow and it is close to 0degrees so I have to carry warm water out to the chickens and ducks several times a day. Miss the warm weather. Hope all your animals are doing OK.Mary
Fri, December 25, 2009 8:49:59 AM Subject: We had a white christmas!
Here are some pics Phil took this morning. It is weird though, it is about 40 degrees!
Lisa P
Fri, Dec 25, 2009 at 9:05 PM Elleana,
You sound unhappy with your situation. There is more to it than you are making out. For example, Ed and I live together, and we each do what we WANT to do. However, if he does nothing around the place, I am free to say to him that I need his help because it is too much for me to do all the work. And if I want to, I can tell him that I don’t appreciate his lazy attitude and don’t want to live with him anymore. Everyone has options and choices. M
Sat, Dec 26, 2009 at 9:07 PM
The peachface variety come also in whiteface. I don’t do anything with the fisher lovebirds. The blackmasked are fisher lovebirds. You can also go on meetup.com and search lovebirds and go on the message board and there are several pictures there. I will try to email you a picture but the quality won’t be very good.
Sun, December 27, 2009 9:59:30 AM Subject: Re: Creative humans have more FUN
Hey Mary,
I just found this lost in my Inbox! Love it, love it, love it! (It’s the video on making walking up stairs more fun.) I will be coming to Denver soon and would love to meet up with you for a talk specifically about Emotionolgy and where you are at with developing it. Are you available sometime from the 10th – 15th of January? It would be lovely to catch up as well! Have your phone numbers remained the same?
Love, Peggy
Trying to rent my house out for 850
Sun, Dec 27, 2009 at 9:18 AM Life with you or without you….
My Dear Ed,
I think you know how much I love you. However, love is not enough and I have been through alcoholism before and it is a downhill slide that you are incapable of stopping if you are left to your own demise. I saw last night how you can’t control it and things you do and how you are when you are drunk. This is the third time you have cut your hand when you were drunk. You lose your right mind and can’t remember things. When you drink rum you are obnoxious and disgusting. You are no longer YOU but someone else I don’t know. I am writing this so you will be able to read it anytime and know I am serious that I want to stop the slide downhill now. I have had to make a decision about my life with you and this is it.
It is time to make that decision to choose between rum or me. If you EVER buy rum again I will move in with Miki, go to TX to live with Franz, or move to AR and let you have your own life however you want it. So far, beer seems to be OK. The choice is yours. Picture what it will be like without me. The chickens and ducks would be yours to take care of. I would still want to be your friend and I would never stop loving you but I wouldn’t be able to live with you. If you buy rum or go out and drink it, I will know you decided not to be with me and there is no turning back. There comes a time with alcoholics that a chrisis develops and I don’t want to get to that point where there is no turning back. We are still good with each other and I would like to have a life with you and live with you forever. So, today is the first day of the rest of our life together or the first day of a life without me.
It is also time to get a job – any kind of job. You have too much free time and it seems to be part of the problem. You must to have a job by January 15. I will not pay the house payment after that. I think we can squeeze by into January but the credit cards are about $6000 by now. Much of that has been working on my house but we have been putting the utilities on credit cards for 3 months and my cards can only hold one more month and you need to pay the bills so I can pay it back.
You are the best man I have ever met. You are smart and you could do anything you choose to do. I love my life with you. Months ago I wrote the following letter but didn’t send it waiting to see what would happen. Nothing has changed. Can we make a change before it is too late? Love Mary
The following was written last summer…
I am going to write this since you don’t like to “talk” and when we did talk about this you were drunk and didn’t seem to be paying attention to me. The rum doesn’t work. I know you are happy drinking a quart of rum on the weekend but: You don’t remember what you do, You do things you don’t mean to do, It is a big waste of time as you spend all your time “thinking”, It has affected sex, I want our life together to be fun for both of us, You mean to be loving but you manhandle me and grab me disrespectfully, It makes my weekend unhappy and sometimes it is a night mare, when you drink too much you get stupid and obnoxious. If this enough reasons for you to see how it Is for me? One time you said it didn’t matter whether you had rum to drink or not. I was thinking of this before but didn’t know how to say this. Perhaps we can try just beer for a while? I still want to live with you and if I didn’t love you, I would just leave. But I can’t imagine my life without you. Love, Mary
AFTER THIS I SENT HIM CRAIGSLIST POSTINGS FOR WELDING JOBS
Mon, Dec 28, 2009 at 8:29 AM Checkout the new website
http://www.meetup.com/Denver-Emotionology/
We have a short workshop Jan 16 Would love to have you in it if you have time
Wed, Dec 23, 2009 at 8:53 AM, Mary Hallgren wrote: To El Re: Catching up
I am doing everything through meetup now. Check it out http://www.meetup.com/Denver-Emotionology/ How are you doing with things these days? Any work yet? Mary
Tue, December 29, 2009 7:13:49 AM Subject: Re: BIRDS, BIRDS, BIRDS! QUESTIONS???
I was asking about the parents! How old are the birds I just paid you 250 for? When did these eggs get laid and when are they due????
I may be coming to your neighborhood again for a cage trade with Stephanie (down one block on Sheridan from you)! I can stop by if that helps and show you the site in person if you want me too.
Yes I do make her play with him, and he is very sweet. He does not step up quite yet, but we are getting him there! She is still distracted by all of her Christmas presents.
They both took baths in the dome yesterday. Poor Sunny can’t fly, so I am scared for him to be left alone anywhere! I can not believe it will be Summer before he can be on his own and fly safely again!! Sky flies around and back to me, it is so beautiful. I do not plan to trim
his wings unless he starts to fly away from me. But mostly he flies around and then to me, so I love it!
Thanks, I will hope to hear old old these adults are, and how long I
may still have with them!!!! T
Tue, Dec 29, 2009 at 3:41 AM
Sorry it took me time to figure this out from some messages. I took all the babies out of the nest Nov 8. The youngest one was 17 days old, the Purple one was 4 days older and the yellow one was 27 days old. That makes your yellow one’s birthday Oct 29, the purple one Nov 4. Is your daughter playing with the yellow one? It might be good for her to hold that one separate from the purple one. Got a home for the small blue one. An artist downtown is going to keep him in his studio. It will take maybe 6 months for the yellow one’s feathers to grow out. He needs his own life with your daughter. Did he work out for her? Looking forward to some pictures.
Been really busy trying to get my house fixed up before the 1st. We are spending every minute working on it. Have not had a chance to ask Jessica if she checked out your website. Will be in touch….M
Tue, Dec 29, 2009 at 8:55 PM
It was her second clutch. She is sitting on her 3rd. I talked to Jessica today and evidently she already started a new business selling on Ebay and is getting ready to go to nursing school so thinks she is going to be too busy to try this. She had gone on the website and checked it out but the same thing happened to her as it did to me – it wore her out looking at all the options and that is why I wanted to ask you some questions that would make sense to me. I talked to my son who is an artist and photographer http://www.craigdailypress.com/staff/hans_hallgren/
He could make cards of all his photographs and he needs a new business. I told him to call you so he might. He just quit that job and moved to Oregon and is short on cash so what is the minimun one can start this? He might be better at checking it out on line than Jessica or me so will talk to him tomorrow. I think your business would be great for him. I would be interested if I didn’t have so many other irons in the fire already and need to focus on Emotionology.
I am still painting my house. Painted 10 hrs today and will be painting tomorrow but can try to be here at that time if you give me a ring when you are on the way. Till tomorrow…
Mary
Tue, Dec 29, 2009 at 9:10 AM Oh, OK Tammi S,
The parents have had one other clutch. They are about 2 years old. I don’t have a birthdate. I keep track by when they get mature and don’t start laying eggs until about a year. However, I moved them several times and they don’t lay when they are disturbed. The eggs they are on now should hatch in 2 weeks or less. If they don’t hatch in 2 weeks, take them out and let them start over. They lay about 50 eggs before they are done (according to some people) and that takes about 4-5 years. However, I had a pair that was 10 years old that was still laying. I usually let them rest between and don’t push them so they lay eggs longer. They will need some newspaper to tear up to make their nest. That stimulates them to start. They also can use some steamed veggies or greens and be sure they have a calcium block or cuttle bone so she doesn’t get egg bound.
I have been on your site and am still waiting to hear from Jessica. I also sent it to my son Hans. I will talk to him today about it. If you are going to be my way do stop in if I am home. Phone me. I will be painting on the house most of the day.
STILL WORKING ON THE HOUSE TO GET IT RENTED
DOING EVERYTHING THROUGH MEETUPS GROUPS
Dec 29, 2009 at 4:36 AM To Franz
Franz, been working hard with Ed on my house and hope to have it finished by the 1st. Everything is fine here. Here are some pics of what I am doing on the house. We are starting on the kitchen floor tomorrow. Love Mom
Dec 29, 2009 at 9:01 AM To Hans
Sounds like they only know how to de-motivate people. You can make yourself sick working where you are unhappy. It is never worth it no matter how desperate you are. Love Mom
Wed, Dec 30, 2009 at 9:58 PM (LeEtte is mother of Franz first child)
LeEtte, Did the girls get the box for Christmas?
Supporting Ed, charges to my cc
12/23/08 BIG D LIQUORS LAKEWOOD CO Alcohol $46.77
12/23/08 *FINANCE CHARGE* PREV CYCLE PURCHASES Misc -$0.06
12/24/08 KING SOOPERS #0127 LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $18.38
12/25/08 LAKEWOOD ABAROTES Y CA LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $5.68
12/26/08 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $15.38
12/28/08 KING SOOPERS #0127 LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $6.58
12/30/08 LOAF N JUG #9000845453 CONIFER CO Auto Related $5.87
12/31/08 OCTOPUS CAR WASH LAKEWOOD CO Auto Related $6.99
01/02/09 WM SUPERCENTER LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $31.72
01/02/09 SAFEWAY STORE00012484 DENVER CO Groceries $5.98
01/04/09 KING SOOPERS #0127 LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $6.51
01/08/09 DIAMOND 1105 SHAMRRQ17 ENGLEWOOD CO Auto Related $14.21
01/08/09 THE HOME DEPOT #1550 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $13.15
01/11/09 PAYPAL *LPCOMPUTERS 4029357733 CA Dental website $37.00
01/21/09 LAKEWOOD FOREIGN USED LAKEWOOD CO Auto Parts $43.04
01/21/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $12.88
01/22/09 USPS 0723550058 QQQ DENVER CO Misc $42.00
Total $312.08
01/23/09 KING SOOPERS #0127 LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $16.73
01/28/09 SAFEWAY STORE00014795 WHEATRIDGE CO Groceries $30.79
01/28/09 BIG LOTS #45100045179 WHEAT RIDGE CO Misc $53.54
01/28/09 SAMS ARVADA CO Misc $37.05 01/30/09
01/30/09 GOODWILL IND DENVER 18 DENVER CO Clothing $2.70
01/30/09 USA DISCOUNT LIQUORS DENVER CO Groceries $28.35
02/15/09 TOTAL 4121 SHAMROCKQ17 LAKEWOOD CO Auto Related $14.56
02/16/09 OCTOPUS CAR WASH LAKEWOOD CO Auto Related $6.99
02/17/09 MOUNTAIN STATES TOYOTA DENVER CO Auto Repairs $61.97
02/17/09 GODADDY.COM 480-5058855 AZ Website $54.52 ‘
Total $307.20
04/21/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $11.79
04/21/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $198.31
Total $210.10
04/22/09 WESTERNCONVENIENCE#111 LAKEWOOD CO Gas $12.35
04/22/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $24.47
04/23/09 WM SUPERCENTER LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $57.28
04/24/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $56.76
04/26/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $74.64
04/30/09 MINI FOOD MT 200457689 LAKEWOOD CO Gas $19.49
04/30/09 THE MERCANTILE BRIGHTON CO Chickens $6.51
05/01/09 BIG D LIQUORS LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $17.21
05/01/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $82.58
05/01/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $10.71
05/02/09 WM SUPERCENTER LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $45.10
05/02/09 SAMS CLUB ARVADA CO Misc $81.23
05/04/09 PET WORLD LAKEWOOD CO Household $14.00
05/05/09 7-ELEVEN 23603 Q05 DENVER CO Auto Related $19.07
05/05/09 PET WORLD LAKEWOOD CO $47.58
05/06/09 ALAMEDA DISCOUNT LIQUO LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $10.21
05/06/09 THE GREAT AMERICAN BEE DENVER CO Groceries $15.66
05/07/09 THE MERCANTILE BRIGHTON CO Chickens & Ducks $43.94
05/07/09 WM SUPERCENTER LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $33.50
05/15/09 JDR TIRE SERVICE LAKEWOOD CO Gas $13.00
05/16/09 AUTOZONE #0824 LAKEWOOD CO Auto repairs $9.66
05/16/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $46.46
05/17/09 AUTOZONE #0824 LAKEWOOD CO Auto Related $7.52
05/17/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1502 ARVADA CO Home Repair $52.11
05/18/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $4.29
05/18/09 CURVE FEED LAKEWOOD CO Chicken dishes $6.45
05/18/09 CURVE FEED LAKEWOOD CO Chicken feed $26.68
05/19/09 BIG D LIQUORS LAKEWOOD CO Alcohol $31.18
05/21/09 AUTOZONE #0824 LAKEWOOD CO Auto Related $17.21
05/21/09 BIG D LIQUORS LAKEWOOD CO Alcohol $34.41
05/21/09 WM SUPERCENTER LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $57.89
Total $979.15
05/31/09 WM SUPERCENTER LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $40.71
05/31/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1505 DENVER CO Home Repair $21.03
05/31/09 PETSMART INC 230 LAKEWOOD CO Household $12.34
06/02/09 CLEAR CREEK 6600455469 ARVADA CO Gas $24.42
06/02/09 GEICO 8008413000 DC Auto Ins $107.11
06/02/09 SAMS CLUB ARVADA CO Misc $113.82
06/03/09 BROADWAY ARC THRIFT ST DENVER CO Misc $22.60
06/05/09 WM SUPERCENTER LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $79.33
06/05/09 THE HOME DEPOT #1550 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $7.07
06/07/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $69.40
06/09/09 LOCAL FOOD STOP #1 LAKEWOOD CO Auto Related $24.40
06/11/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $27.36
06/11/09 MCMURRAYHATCHERY 800-456-3280 IA Misc $57.15
06/11/09 MCMURRAYHATCHERY 800-456-3280 IA Misc $65.10
06/12/09 SZECHUAN CHINESE RESTA LAKEWOOD CO Dining Out $30.72
06/12/09 MCMURRAYHATCHERY 800-456-3280 IA Ducks $14.81
06/12/09 HENRY SCHEIN 800-472-4346 NY Dental supplies $275.27
06/13/09 KING SOOPERS #0127 LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $32.55
06/13/09 ALAMEDA ARC THRIFT STO DENVER CO Misc $4.83
06/13/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $42.60
06/13/09 H R MEININGER DENVER CO Leisure $71.09
06/19/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $89.56
06/20/09 WESTERNCONVENIENCE#111 LAKEWOOD CO Gas $22.62
06/20/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $5.13
06/21/09 MURDOCHS RANCH &HOME # LITTLETON CO Meat chicken food $43.29
Total $1,304.31
06/23/09 06/24/09 MCMURRAYHATCHERY 800-456-3280 IA Misc $3.90
06/24/09 06/24/09 SAMS CLUB DENVER CO Misc $45.95
06/25/09 06/25/09 CR6532 ASM DEN10082576 LITTLETON CO Auto Related $23.69
06/25/09 06/25/09 WARDLE FEED & PET WHEAT RIDGE CO Misc $8.99
06/25/09 06/25/09 CURVE FEED LAKEWOOD CO Misc $19.21
06/26/09 06/26/09 WALGREENS #9657 Q03 DENVER CO Health Care $440.37
06/27/09 06/27/09 SAMS CLUB ARVADA CO Misc $38.63
06/28/09 06/28/09 HAPPY SUMO ORCHARD TOW WESTMINSTER CO Dining Out $8.85
06/28/09 06/28/09 KING SOOPERS #0127 LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $8.62
06/28/09 06/28/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $18.18
06/30/09 06/30/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $45.03
06/30/09 06/30/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $73.28
07/03/09 07/03/09 M&M CORP 00832519 DENVER CO Auto Related $5.15
07/03/09 07/03/09 WM SUPERCENTER LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $31.48 07/03/09
07/03/09 WARDLE FEED & PET WHEAT RIDGE CO Misc $73.34
07/03/09 07/03/09 KING SOOPERS #0127 LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $30.07
07/05/09 07/05/09 ALAMEDA DISCOUNT LIQUO LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $10.21
07/05/09 07/05/09 KING SOOPERS #0127 LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $2.01
07/05/09 07/05/09 MCGUCKIN HARDWARE BOULDER CO Home Repair $118.57
07/06/09 07/06/09 OCTOPUS CAR WASH LAKEWOOD CO Auto Related $6.99
07/06/09 07/06/09 PETSMART INC 230 LAKEWOOD CO Household $60.23
07/06/09 07/06/09 WARDLE FEED & PET WHEAT RIDGE CO Misc $60.49
07/06/09 07/06/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $31.97
07/07/09 07/07/09 AUTOZONE #0824 LAKEWOOD CO Auto Related $13.98
07/07/09 07/07/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $15.15
07/07/09 07/07/09 JENSEN INDUSTRIES, INC 02032398021 CT Health Care $210.00
07/08/09 07/08/09 MOUNTAIN STATES TOYOTA DENVER CO Auto Related $37.88
07/08/09 07/08/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Home Repair $102.93
07/08/09 07/08/09 SAMS CLUB DENVER CO Misc $121.56
07/10/09 07/10/09 CO SECRETARY OF STATE DENVER CO Misc $20.00
07/12/09 07/12/09 THE TIRE STORE DENVER CO Auto Related $320.00
07/14/09 07/14/09 WM SUPERCENTER LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $33.45
07/14/09 07/14/09 WARDLE FEED & PET WHEAT RIDGE CO Misc $37.33
07/14/09 07/14/09 WARDLE FEED & PET WHEAT RIDGE CO Misc $55.67
07/15/09 07/15/09 ARVADA ARC THRIFT STOR ARVADA CO Clothing $11.38
07/15/09 07/15/09 JCRS ARC THRIFT STORE LAKEWOOD CO Misc $3.22
07/16/09 07/16/09 LOCAL FOOD STOP #1 LAKEWOOD CO Auto Related $22.17
07/16/09 07/16/09 H R MEININGER DENVER CO Leisure $16.16
07/17/09 07/17/09 STARBUCKS COFFEE DENVER CO Dining Out $3.62
07/17/09 07/17/09 BASS PRO SHOPS DENVER CO Leisure $134.39
07/17/09 07/17/09 MURDOCHS RANCH &HOME # LITTLETON CO Misc $21.98
07/17/09 07/17/09 JENSEN INDUSTRIES, INC 02032398021 CT Health Care $165.94
07/20/09 BAY VIEW BAIT AND TACK GLADSTONE MI Misc $17.70
07/21/09 T&T TRUEVALUE HDWR STO ESCANABA MI Clippers $16.95
07/22/09 WAL-MART #2522 ESCANABA MI Groceries $5.48
07/22/09 IMS BARTER 08002873874 WI Barter Charges $24.82
Total $2,576.97
07/25/09 PEMBINE FUELS INC QPS PEMBINE WI ? $3.49
08/04/09 LAKEWOOD OUTDOOR EQUIP LAKEWOOD CO Gift $40.87
08/05/09 WALGREENS #4366 Q03 WHEAT RIDGE CO Health Care $41.42
08/05/09 CURVE FEED LAKEWOOD CO Meat bird food $33.96
08/07/09 ALLSUPS 111 00824995 TEXLINE TX Gas $22.55
08/07/09 SHELL OIL 930025703QPS ASPERMONT TX Auto Related $27.07
08/07/09 VILLAGE INN #851 PUEBLO CO Dining Out $21.73
08/07/09 ALLSUPS #0111 TEXLINE TX ? $5.54
08/07/09 DON’S LIQUOR STORE STAMFORD TX Alcohol $28.58
08/07/09 WESTERNCONVENIENCE#111 LAKEWOOD CO Gas $17.12
08/08/09 ALLSUPS 231 00824979 PLAINVIEW TX Gas $14.71
08/08/09 MODERN WAY FOOD S78 HASKELL TX Gas $16.37
08/08/09 Texas Road House Dining Out $73.12
08/08/09 WAL-MART STAMFORD TX Misc $8.58
08/08/09 SHELL OIL 930040069QPS RATON NM Auto Related $4.51
08/08/09 SHELL OIL 930040069QPS RATON NM Auto Related $21.12
08/10/09 OFFICE DEPOT #256 LAKEWOOD CO Office $2.14
08/11/09 TOTAL 4089 SHAMROCKQ17 DENVER CO Gas $25.06
08/11/09 WM SUPERCENTER LAKEWOOD CO Office $38.05
08/12/09 WM SUPERCENTER LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $1.97
08/13/09 B&D DENTAL CORP 08012814012 UT Dental $430.59
08/13/09 WARDLE FEED & PET WHEAT RIDGE CO Misc $63.45
08/13/09 WARDLE FEED & PET WHEAT RIDGE CO Misc $8.99
08/13/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Office Repairs $53.77
08/15/09 ALAMEDA ARC THRIFT STO DENVER CO Misc $6.40
08/16/09 NORTH GATE GAS & CONV DENVER CO Gas $22.98
08/16/09 UNIQUE THRIFT STORE # WESTMINSTER CO $18.54
08/17/09 AUTOZONE #0824 LAKEWOOD CO Gas $24.18
08/17/09 PECOS ARC THRIFT DENVER CO Misc $11.42
08/17/09 KING SOOPERS #0127 LAKEWOOD CO Groceries $10.43
08/18/09 THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO Office Repair $19.32
Total $1,118.03
Capital One
APR
FINANCE
CHARGE
ANNUAL PERCENTAGE RATE applied this period: 0.00%
4 22 DEC THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO $51.86
5 23 DEC THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO $107.74
6 26 DEC FEDEX 857367043653 800-4633339 TN $18.42
7 26 DEC THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO $16.76
8 27 DEC THE HOME DEPOT 1505 DENVER CO $17.66
9 02 JAN SAMS DENVER CO $89.26
10 09 JAN AALBA DENT INC 7078643334 CA $168.00
11 15 JAN PASQUINIS DENVER CO $6.87
12 16 JAN CHARBROIL SERVICES GRP 800-241-7548 GA $43.93
13 19 JAN WM SUPERCENTER LAKEWOOD CO $29.52
14 19 JAN THE HOME DEPOT 1514 LAKEWOOD CO $64.80
15 19 JAN WESTERNCONVENIENCE#111 LAKEWOOD CO $15.01 At Your Service –